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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 6

999 replies

CailinDana · 11/06/2012 15:49

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

OP posts:
Offred · 12/06/2012 21:08

Would be bad to booze wouldn't it? Confused DH would not notice, he's gone to the pub.

CailinDana · 12/06/2012 21:09

Why would it be bad Offred?

OP posts:
Offred · 12/06/2012 21:10

Drinking too much atm. Every night virtually.

CailinDana · 12/06/2012 21:10

Do you feel you're depending on it to get you through?

OP posts:
Offred · 12/06/2012 21:11

So fricking angry, wasting so much time with this paralysis. Got a meeting to go to tomorrow... Really don't want to go. Fucking hell.

Offred · 12/06/2012 21:12

Yes, depending on it cailin or wanting to anyway. Wish I could drink myself to oblivion.

CailinDana · 12/06/2012 21:15

I've often wished that too Offred but drink does nothing for me. I can manage one glass of wine but any more than that and I start to feel sick.

What's the meeting tomorrow about?

OP posts:
Belleflowers · 12/06/2012 21:24

Offred - I know exactly what you mean, re the booze

I think the stopping point was for me the thought of dead booze in my system when driving the car on school run next day (as well as the extra AntiD's).

Strange. I was drinking 3-4 glasses a day, starting at cooking dinner time, so 5pm or so until 10pm. Sometimes more than that at weekends.

Plus the thought that if anything happened to kids at night the hospital here is so far to drive, if both DH and I unable to drive, then taxi, then both drunkish...just really made me think twice.

Not trying to sound sanctimonious at all, please don't take me wrong way, just telling what worked for me - those things put the fear into me so to speak, so I just quit.

Although I had a damn good drink in London 2 weekends ago with my siblings, and with the AntiD's and nothing happended, I had a bloody good time, we had so much shit to talk through, we needed the booze then.

But just not around my kids, that's my personal thinking, for me.

not telling anyone else what to do, emphatically not doing that.

just kind of surprised at myself on this one, how strong I've managed to be.

So far, touch wood and all that

Offred · 12/06/2012 21:26

A steering group meeting for the LINk (local involvement network - a health services thing). Just I am in such a mess right now I don't know if I can be together at all for it.

CailinDana · 12/06/2012 21:28

Could you not attend Offred?

OP posts:
Offred · 12/06/2012 21:29

Belle Grin stop apologising!

I won't touch a drop around the kids but I will stay up drinking late into the night with melancholy. I don't drive so no probs there either. You lot might enjoy the thought of this, I have a phobia of driving, instead I have a tricycle with a big bucket for the 4 kids to sit in and I cycle them to and from school everyday (just I've two miles one way). Often listening to very angry music.

Offred · 12/06/2012 21:31

Think that'll be worse cailin, will just feel like an utter failure. And I haven't been to the last two meetings and only just been elected onto it. I'll just have to put my face on!

OlympicNCerExtrordinaire · 12/06/2012 21:33

I used to drink to oblivion too, it's self medicating.

Big hugs Offred, can you cancel it at all and go to the gp instead?

I'm eating my tea sorry cheesy grin

Belleflowers · 12/06/2012 21:34

I've seen those Offred!! Fab!! I've always greatly admired the mums who drive them when I see them

To me, they are up there with HGV long distance lorry drivers - much much respect

But what an adventure for your DCs they must really believe you are super mum!!

CailinDana · 12/06/2012 21:37

I've never seen them, can you find a picture and link it? I'm really curious!

I'm sorry if you've answered this before Offred but are you on anti-depressants at the moment?

OP posts:
Offred · 12/06/2012 21:45

bellabike.dk/default.aspx?&lang=2

No not on ADs. Don't want to take them again tbh. GP is always putting me on them for no good reason and then writing in the notes about me being hysterical instead of actually giving me proper help.

Offred · 12/06/2012 21:46

Belle - they kick each other and want DH to take them in the car Grin

OlympicNCerExtrordinaire · 12/06/2012 21:47

Offred, I used to cycle with my ds everywhere, it was so fab :o used to get my shopping on it too. Ds always remembers it fondly.

CailinDana · 12/06/2012 21:47

They're amazing Offred! Must take a while get used to steering them though?

What would "proper help" be?

OP posts:
Offred · 12/06/2012 21:51

Well they never tested my thyroid when I was a teen, should of done, I am hypothyroid and I was presenting with severe depression made worse by Sertraline, had other characteristics too. Never offered me any counselling or talked about it, only put me on Meds and told me to go away. Then one time really traumatically and inappropriately referred us to family therapy. Didn't look after my twins when they had a feeding problem and instead called me hysterical and prescribed a repeat prescription of ADs which I didn't need and don't want to take but keep getting pestered about. I have been in them a lot. I don't think they'll help me right now.

Offred · 12/06/2012 21:52

They palm me off with them. Then they right in the notes I am mental.

Offred · 12/06/2012 21:52

*write... Sorry exhausted.

Belleflowers · 12/06/2012 21:55

going to ask you the obvious Offred, but have you considered changing GP?

OlympicNCerExtrordinaire · 12/06/2012 21:56

I had a gp like that once, had to change.

Would you consider rape crisis?

Belleflowers · 12/06/2012 21:56

as it sounds like you haven't been bloody given a chance for yourself