Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 6

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Oo Cailin that happened when I took up sewing!! and my cooking is slagged of to high heaven so much so that I'm a really brilliant cook yet it's still shit. I spent 8hrs doing a spot on Heston meal and all they could do was slag it off. Everytime I try to do something I just hear ridicule, it's horrible and makes me so insecure.

but not sure how fast it has all gone, it's only been a matter of weeks, surely it cant all be fixed so quickly

cailin, yes, can identify with that little doubtful voice, when things are starting to look like they are going well, or when confidence is coming out...it is so alien a feeling, to feel confident, secure etc

And the first time I was treated for depression my mother said "you're not depressed you're just not as good as everyone else" and when I split up from my abusive ex I got told it was because I hadn't been a good enough wife to him and didn't meet his needs!

I doubt it is fixed getup, sorry to say. But perhaps you've hit a wall and need a break.

If your mother rang and said she would be at your house at 9 tomorrow how would you feel?

olympic, do you wonder what makes them so prone to slagging and ridicule? they sound mean

oh cailin, I would just panic

Shouldn't really moan about mine wasn't that bad compared to you guys was more the turning the blind eye I suppose that hurts.

yes, cailin, just feel numb to it all now, have done all weekend, nothing there, it was fathers day today, i sent a text, couldnt pick up the phone to hear their voices, DH was baffled but understood why - he had a huge phonecall of laughter and chat with his parents, as he does each week. lucky.

I remember when DD1 was a baby they used to turn up with IT early morning made me very wary of her always being dressed.

There's your answer then getup.

Weird cause I can still picture her and what she was wearing on one of the last times he was here stupid really.

i think my depression goes way back, even before PND dotty, to time when I started secondary school - that lost feeling of being ignored, she never sorted us out helped us get ready for school, had to get a bus very early, 50 minute journey, she was always fast asleep, we dared not waken her

dad got us up, fed us breakfast,but never checked if we were washed properly etc

so i think i figured out at that age that it was very much me and my sister alone

Getup, I have fortnightly sessions which has worked really well as it allows me to process, react then chill for a few days, So maybe a break would do you good?

As for the bitching, yep, they're scared to be outside the box, individual or go against the grain, to take risk or chase dreams. Robots in other words and their only goal in life is money. They also don't like anyone with more money than them but act like they're better. Power trippers.

i just drifted, I suppose, but I can remember a very blank feeling, of not knowing what on earth to do at this big school, it was so noisy, so fast, so many strangers and i must have wanted mum to talk me through what would happen or something, but sister was already at the school, so not sure why i was so worried and lost if she was there

but then at that time was when the homelife started to go tits up, so i suppose that would affect my memory of that age too

eugh

I said to my sister after the disclosure how I was withdrawn as a child she said we all where I was never happy as a kidbut really don't know if it would be classed as depressoon nowadays.

Olympic, I might consider fortnightly, as yes, it has been so intense

have to go, little DD awake upstairs

sleep well everyone

Getup, I still feel that way about life.

Remember the school thinking how perfect my parents where especially after I was hospitised they didn't know that while I was off I was busy keeping the hoouse clean.

Dotty, I'm getting the blind eye by my family atm, I also kind of had it as a kid with my sister.

What shits Dotty! the parents are always perfect and it's the kids who are wrong.

Goodnight getup. I'm going to head to bed too. I'm hoping DS doesn't pull another 4:30 tomorrow!

Sleep well all x

My sisters where always there for me Olympic but I was the 'baby' they still see me that way one actually tries to tell me her and her DH think I'm the bravest person they know but their just trying to make me feel better.

night too, am a bit tired after letting all that out :o

Dotty jope you sleep tonight.

Dotty - I'm sure they believe you are brave.
I do.

I think my DC is amazing (problems aside), disclosing is the bravest thing I have seen anyone do.

Xxxxxx