Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 6

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Local police are not involved in "support", neither are SS, but thats a long story.

They dont get dragged into the emotions around the case, I think tbh they are absolutely swamped and cant afford to get side tracked.

I have to look at it that they are doing this so they can spend their time helping victims and putting abusers behind bars, dont get me wrong, they are lovely as far as they go, but they are clear,their role is to investigate.

Suppose its different for historical cases sisters and I aren't allowed to discuss what happened individually or what I said to them when I told them not allowed tp confront my mother either in case prosecution calls her.

I think it's quite common to be told not to discuss these cases whilst the police are investigating and waiting for trial.

I haven't spoken about some stuff for that reason.

Why, your dc should be able to see the gp on her own and ask for help. The services are limited but some places can help. There are often local based small charities specialising in certain areas. MIND is the best place to go as they can fund/find funding for private inpatient places.

Dotty, there is a "sanctuary house" near us

What's a 'sanctuary house' Olympic

Thank you, I have managed to access support for DC now (no longer suicidal I hope they arent just covering up feeligs), I literally BEGGED for help and got some (also against advice which was to wait until legal side is resolved before accessing counsellor).

That's crap why it was DC who advised me to get counselling and when she came for an impact statement wanted me to get more and looked into for me she's so understanding its unbelievable can I ask if its a specialist police team who are dealing with your case.

Why, your dc is going through a hell of a time and a lot of emotion. Your dc needs personal councelling, the family needs support, iyswim. Two separate issues.

It's difficult to discuss but if the police call you as a witness it could be for the prosecution or the defence. Very difficult and I don't want you to discuss much. Would it be possible for your dc to stay with a relative? even for a few weeks to calm things down?

If it happened in the home you're still in that might be adding to pressures?

Yes its a specialist team, no one has asked about impact statements yet (as far as I am aware) I am hoping I can make one as I dont think DC wants (or maybe doesnt feel able) to.

I find the whole thing very difficult.

There is a school of thought that says counselling notes can become disclosable, and counsellors can be put on stand and accused of leading you.

yes we want to move, I hate living here now, but financial there is no possibility of moving, Id be out of here tomorrow if I could, I have to find a way to make this a family home again somehow.

DC doesnt want to go elsewhere, will go for a night to my mums, but thats it.

Defence witness, me, good luck to them!!!!!

Why I'm quite a while down the road only got 10 weeks until his plea and case management hearing that's why I had the other statement to give 2 police forces involved with my case PPU are involved.

Dotty, there's a place locally for women who need a "holiday" it's for mh/abuse/rape survivors and involves a home away from home where you can get a rest, recouperate, relax with staff on hand to chat/support/just be around.

There's another one not far from the midlands so I presume there's a few around.

It's not women's aid though as any woman can refer themselves.

There are also places for teenagers but they tend to revolve around mh issues so not sure how the work for abuse survivors.

Why, can you talk to your dc about how your dc feels at home?

Councellors do need to be careful if councelling someone with a potential court case. They can provide support and coping techniques.

no, DC refuses to talk to me about anything feelings related. I know DC wants to move, but only to one, very specific and expensive area.

All I can say is if we win lottery, then we would, but much as I would love to, we just cant move.

I promise, I would if I could. I have even contemplated taking DC and leaving DH with smaller ones, just to get out of here, but thats not going to work is it.

No it isn't you all need each other and at least you are doing the best thing and that's supporting and believing them more than I can say for my parents

I am trying my best and fighting for help as much as I can, I never expected the system to be so hard.

I am so sorry dotty your parents dont believe you, I believe you, no-one would make this up. I have never for one second doubted DC.

thanks for all the posts, I feel a little calmer than when I posted earlier.

I do feel totally isolated and alone, and DC blaming me isnt helping much.

If you dont mind posting in OTBT Id be really grateful as it disappears, I have probably said to much already.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hugs to you all, you are alll brave to have gotten this far.

I told them at 16 was slapped across the face for my trouble dad died 6 years ago my kids are grown up so I'm dealing wth my ghosts I've regretted it many times over the last 9 months though as it I'd bloody tough going.

Yes it is hard going, and so slow.

I hope your parents were really ashamed of themselves.

I had phoned the police within 10 minutes of disclosure, it never occured to me to doubt, I have tried to do the right things, allbeit, too late.

sorry cailin, it is still me, have name changed from belle, yet again

am in the middle of doing an oil painting, a new therapy attempt for me

just cant manage to pick any brighter colours than grey or dark blues...am really tryijg but it just aint happening

hope you are all ok, hi to whydo and swan

Mad woman here just been out gardening internets hit and miss today routers playing up can't even get on on my phone when it goes.

Getup, just go with it, let the colours pick themselves.

I do it with photographs, really manipulate the colours and some of my really dark period make me cry know and I don't like them but they are very powerful images full of feeling. It's a good way to get it out, for me anyway. I wish I could paint but have joint problems.

Go for it, enjoy it, if it's dark just put it away?

oh thanks olympic, someone who gets it! thank you!
yeah it's pleasing to the eye in its dullness, merged dark florals
and florence and the machine

it's one big party partay here

not

hope you had good day

What's up Getup?

not a lot up, just cant seem to get my head round things still, although it's as though I've forgotten everything for a few days

crazy dreams, too much stuff to do with DCs and house etc

but also still feel like a fraud re the therapy thing, she isnt here this week, and tbh not sure i even need it anymore or want it

as just feel like im over it all

it was what it was

but just cant get happy iyswim? not sure if living in right place, dcs happy, not sure if dh is, but just getting on with it...feel like moving again, to a new country

just my thinking is all over the place, as usual, just cant settle?

i mean i still think I'm too close to family here, there are days I'd rather be on diff continent, as we were 5 yrs ago, it was so far, but in some ways, it was better

rambling