Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 6

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

No idea want it all over then I can finish it for good that's how I feel right now.

Do you want to talk about it dotty?

I don't know just the way I'm feeling atm they'll be better without me DH can move on kids are grown up anyway

I'm sorry to hear you so low dotty. What makes you think they'll be better without you?

Dotty, can you speak to your gp about how you're feeling?

They'll be able to help and your ear infection will be making things seem worse.

You dc do need you, who's going to be there to share their good times and life achievements. Your dh needs you too for the same things.

It's a difficult place you're going through but you can get out the other side.

I'm not connecting with people as I have a massive hole in my experience of life. I'm single, never really attracted a guy so can't relate to people who have.

I also just read somewhere that people think out and out abusive people have no friends and no family which makes me think I'm an out and out abusive person as, well my family have told me and people tend to shy away from me.

I think I come across as too desperate or lonely to people or something, or put myself on people who're just being nice.

Dotty I have to head to bed. I hope you manage to sleep tonight and that things look a bit brighter in the morning x

I'm in a bad place right now.

Definitlry don't want to tell DP.

Just feel he would wonder why I havnt told him after all these years

I been out tonight on the town (with DP), recently been drinking and smoking more than I have before.
Temptations are out there.

I am not a strong person

Oh so weak right now

Weak in what way?

Weak in that I'm finding myself repeating old patterns.

I have a few 'go to' guys that I thought were 'helping' me get through my low times, but I guess I am realising it is not helping.

But contact has been made. I need to stop this now

How are you doing Beaver?

Thanks for last night and sorry.

No need to be sorry dotty, how are you feeling now?

Not as bad not brilliant night times are always worse to much time to think when I'm alone.

Is there anyone there with you today?

DH is in bed DS is always here but not here IYSWIM just remembered had some weird dreams last night surrounding death and sending cards was IT I think but can't be sure. Always dreaming of death.

What are your thoughts like at the moment?

Morning.

Or afternoon! Lol

Hi Offred, how are you?

Alright cailin. V. Tired! How're you?

Not too bad, just having a quiet day, pampering DH a bit in honour of the day. Cooking a big fancy dinner soon. Any plans?

afternoon all
been busy this morning doing a brunch at home, waiting for rain to stop so we can go for a walk with DCs as a famileeeeeeee, then doing a roast chicken dinner later. DH cooked a mega dinner last night, so not feeling too much that all I've done is cook all weeekend...then fell asleep yesterday afternoon

had the weirdest dreams recently too Dotty - driving the car, I fall out of it, it drives off with DCs still in it, I have to chase the car, get back in it, take a wrong turn, end up in middle of a forest, motorbike chases me, but my suddenly has no power and I have to grab the ditches to push the car along

exhausted and freaked out

tralala

:o have been celebrating father/husband to be day here. Ds did not find cutted up pear funny at 6am this morning!

Other than that just acknowledging I'm weird/abnormal and the worlds a crazy place.

But, I think, finally, I've got a handle on it or at least a way of dodging the worse crap.

thinking of making a really easy mix chocolate cake

cant be arsed going to shop to buy one