Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 6

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Cailin mine are exactly the same. I know what they've done, I know they will never acknowledge it, I can accept it as a difference of opinion. I can be quite strong in disconnecting from my family but like you I sometimes get drawn back in and tangled up emotionally. Think it is par for the course really.

Offred all I can take is codeine and paracetamol ran out of solphadol have IBS so cant take ibuprofen honestly thought it was better but kicked off 10 times worse wednesday

Mine are horrible, I did escape for 7 years until my mother tracked me down during my breakdown and I stupidly thought they'd love me back. All I've had is basically "wow you're still pathetic and always fuck things up"

There's no relationship at all and once she's picked up her things that's it.

Cailin, that's early, I'm sure he'd be ok with you taking a lie in tomorrow.

Offred, how you doing today?

Dotty, the pharmacist might be able to help with ear stuff?

Ok Olympic I think. Trying to study, not really concentrating well!

went 2 weeks ago told me to go dr's promise will go monday

I get that quite often, well focusing on getting the job done. It's like I can see the work but it floats around and doesn't make sense.

I either talk out whats bothering me or talk a quick walk outside in the fresh air.

Do you want to talk about anything?

opening the windows good too.

Offred have you had a profile done of what helps your concentration with study DD1 had it done at school a circle thing hers came out with music and 1 other thing.

Dotty you really need to see the doctor says she who's avoiding the dentist I'd give you some herbal remedies but you need to go to the doc's first to find out what's causing it. Hugs

No dotty, I haven't. I have a hypothyroid which doesn't help. I think no distractions helps which is why I'm on MN

I know just feel I've never been away since all this crap I know I've had 2 or 3 uti's in the last month but flushed them out with juice one I had real back pain with as well just the way I am, I will phone though probably made it worse doing what you tell kids not to poking at them as its irritating.

Thyme tea, Basil tea --made with cold water or sniffing pepper oil helps with concentration?

Dotty, sage, rosemary and clove tea used as a mouth wash might help, can be used up to 3 times a day, 1tsp of each dried BUT you must go to the gp.

How's everyone doing? The day started out not great here but DS has been out with DH doing some gardening while I made a lemon drizzle cake (see, all the talk of cake got to me!), which was nice. I really need some time free of DS to do something on my own from time to time. I think DH forgets that sometimes.

When does he start nursery? I know it's difficult to leave them, but a couple of mornings a week at nursery really opens up time but it is a difficult decision, I didn't have a dh to help so kinda had to use nursery so sorry if I'm not getting it!

People keep beeping at me in cars and I have no idea who they are :( I have been in a few local publicity things but finding it a bit weird.

Weird Olympic

Ok cailin. Cooking my way out of my slump too.

Sorry cake needed attention :)

I can't face putting him in nursery for the moment. We can't really afford it either for the time being. I do need some time to myself, definitely but it's hard to get it especially when there's just the two of us. DH's parents are helpful but they're not here often.

Just tired today, I'll be ok after a sleep tonight I think :)

That business with the cars is odd Olympic!

Thanks thought I was being weird, it is odd but it's a small place.

Sleep yes Cailin, I forgot that. At least you have cake :o crispy cakes are good for the wee ones to make get everywhere

How are you doing Offred?

Ok, taken ds1 to guitar, studied, made a roast dinner for 9! Generally keeping myself busy! Off out tonight to see counsellor friend.

How're you all?

I am new to this thread.
Was abused when I was about 6 or 7 by my cousin who lived with us.

9 years later I was raped by a gang of about 5 blokes who were I'm my school.

I have never really spoken of these things before, but now starting to realise it has had a negative effect on the way I am now.

In long term relationship and getting married soon.

But dmfeel like i don't deserve the happiness as I have been a very promiscuous person throughout my adult life and seek out confirmation of my worthiness as a female human by getting attention etc off of other guys.

Want this to stop so I don't ruin what I hope can be a happy marriage

In addition to above, been feeling full of anxiety about it all recently which has stopped me from functioning well so went to docs.
Was too ashamed to tell the truth so said it was wedding jitters and he gave me some stuff to calm me down

Hi Beaver, so sorry you went through that.

How do you feel now?

It's understandable to worry about ruining your marriage but you are taking a massive step forward by acknowledging the abuse you suffered and how it's affected you.

Have you told your dp about it?

You are a very brave and courageous person.

DP knows about the rape but not about the abuse done by cousin. No one in the world knows about that as he is still very much part of the family.
I just make it clear that I don't like him.

I don't really know how I feel now.
Kind of numb, like I am blocking out any emotion. I find it hard to get close to people and tend not to be open to people touching me in the way of hugs and things.

I'm the same with trust and hugs, find it all really difficult.

I can imagine how much you dislike your cousin.

Do you want to tell your dp?

Back in that dark place again heads back to my childhood again.I had to take emergency toiletrys to DD2 and don't know what caused it started having memories coming back and crying in the car. But been down again today anyway.

Hi Beaver, thanks for joining the thread.

How are you feeling?

What's going on dotty?