Hi everyone,
Partly feel like I shouldn't post here, even though I suffered minor abuse in my teens which ended up with the guy in prison (though he did worse to others), but I was reading some of your earlier threads yesterday and it got me thinking about things. I'm thinking I may finally have found some people who understand my views about sex, which would be more than the many counsellors I've had have been able to. But I'm not sure if I feel like sharing that quite yet.
However, one thing that came back to me, and which got me really angry, is something that happened in my 20s, which is partly why I feel uncomfortable bringing it to this table. But I'd really like an insight into what my mother was thinking, so I hope I'll be forgiven.
Basically, I was having problems with someone at her church. Not a minister, but he was a big part of the community, which is why I found it impossible to make a fuss. That, and the fact I have issues surrounding sex and relationships. Basically, he would take every opportunity to put his hand where he shouldn't - round my waist, on my leg, brush my breast, that sort of thing. But he'd do it in public, which didn't help my confusion regarding was this as wrong as it felt... My mum knew all about this, how uncomfortable I felt etc but didn't think anything should be said. Fair enough. One day this guy invited himself round to the house for "tea" and I begged my mother not to go out and leave me with him. So she stayed. However, whilst he was there she told me to take him upstairs and show him around. I tried to say no, but was forced into it, even though she knew he'd take the opportunity to put his hands over me.
Why would you do this? I know this isn't a big deal in the scheme of things and really, at that age, I should have been able to deal with it myself. But I couldn't, partly due to what had happened in the past and she knew that. So why did she put me in that situation, basically telling this guy he could go and molest me?
Can anyone explain?
(And once again, I know this is minor, not in the same league as what many of you have been through, and I almost feel I'm wasting my time putting this here. But this is the first thing I've got angry about and if I can work through this perhaps I can confront the rest. And I know that by that age I should have been able to face up to him, and face up to my mother, but I couldn't.)