Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 6

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

My bf's was a single parent from day 1 her sons father actually beat her up in the street whilst she was pregnant he's now 22 she married 3 years ago but did a fantastic job of raising her son as 99% of single parents do but lets face it not all 2 parent families do a great job as we all know on here x

My ex battered me when I was pregnant, with a chair, so in his mind he didn't lay a finger on me I hate that he's rejected his son but it is so much better than if he'd hung around. We got off lightly but ds lost his father.

Kids all mental today, DH not here

We have last day of college tomorrow DS has his presentation in the morning then finishes.

You ok Offred? Shut yourself in the cupboard and leave them to it? :o joke. Hope they calm down, warm milk?

Dotty, sounds exciting! Does he have a placement over the holidays?

Think all asleep now, someone is snoring!!! All been in bed since 7.30!!!! All upset (cos I'm upset) don't know what to say to them. Ds1 asking me what's up, saying he knows I am stressed.

No he doesn't 5 weeks until his 18th

offred, ds sounds a bit like mine, a sensitive intuitive soul - when my ds was 3 he was able to say'mummy am worried about you' in his own little language
when I'm calm, (now thanks to meds) he is calm and happy. likes lots of hugs. needs them i think.

weather doesnt help much, kids inside, cabin fever

think i might go to bed, listen to the rain on the window, soothes me

How old are they Offred? if the older ones are old enough to sense something do you think it might be appropriate to say "something happened to mum a long time ago and she needs to go talk to the doctor about it" ?

1. It keeps them in the loop, kids hate not being told family stuff.
2. It shows it's ok to be upset about things and seeing a councellor is ok/normal.
3. They may understand if they've met your parents, you know :(

Dotty, could sw look into any summer holiday stuff for him? 18 wow!

night Lookup, sounds lovely, might head soon too.

They are 7, 5 and 2 1/2 (twins). Don't think that would settle ds, he'd want to know what. He thinks it is something to do with his dad. I've told him I'm feeling sad and it isn't anything to do with him or his dad and is something inside my head and in my feelings that I need to think about for a while.

they prob do understand a lot if they sense sthing from your parents as Olympic said, Offred - I only say this as DS(5) was able to deliberatelybutmadeit looklikean accident knock an entire glass of water over my mothers knee when we had to go for lunch at a cafe with her on sunday

to a narc mother, that is very embarrassing

thing is, he was sitting opposite her, his table manners are spot on, am proud to say, and after it happened he just looked at me and I KNEW in my heart why he had done it, that he had meant to, as she was going on and on at me about sthing I was obv showing signs subconsciously of discomfort with her

i didnt scold him at all, just dutifully got napkins for her, as DS also did. quietly.

plus he told her at the weekend when she was trying to grab him to hug him that 'i only hug mummy'

clever little people

Been a lovely day for us here lookup! Kids been outside! No excuse!

Quite enjoyed the space today. Have avoided texting/fb DH friend and DH been in Watford today. PIL taking all four kids for tea tomorrow so will be on my own for a couple of hours but have dentist in the morning and a celebration ds is playing recorder in before that so not looking forward to wearing my face and making chitchat.

Is your ds worried about his dad? His dad might be a grump about you and your ds picks it up or something.

My ds is like Lookups, they know when someones unfairly having a go.

Clever ds Lookup, sad though, that his gm is shit.

He is worried that his dad leaving was his fault. He left because although being pregnant and having a small child made me vulnerable he didn't want to be a dad. I am not really sure what to say and need to have a think about.

Difficult as I don't know the full story but similar to mine, I said to mine something along the lines of "dad left because mum and dad weren't meant to be together, nothing to do with ds at all, just sometimes grownups do better when they're not together" and if your ex still wants to see them then "mum and dad both still love you very much" iyswim.

If your ex will say the same sort of thing that's good. Bless him, mine thought it was to do with him aswell. Just keep saying he's wonderful and loved.

Olympic he has 2 x 4 nights 5 days respite can use them both if I want to but trying to hold one back just in case then will only need the girls for a few days if the worst come to the worst.

Worst comes to worst in what way?

If IT pleads not guilty and it goes to trial Olympic

His dad is a whole other can of worms. He is exposing ds to inappropriate things all the time, ignores dd, will not talk about feelings etc. I am worrying he is being EA with them. DS is taking on too much responsibility for his dad and his feelings are too much, don't think it is normal.

dotty xxx

Offred I started this no-one made me don't be for me I had to do it i'm back on a good spell now so nowt's really fazing me ATM

:( Hugs for you both.

Dotty, can you speak to sw about some extra respite? Long shot but you never know?

Offred, difficult difficult place to be in, is it court ordered, supervised access or self organised etc? Might pm you if you want?

Olympic thats why she requested respite for me because of whats going on she hasn't told finance department the reasons for asking

She's been a fantastic support when I was really struggling at first she would phone to check on me and came for a coffee and spent a couple of hours a couple of times.