Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 6

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Yes! But it is a nickname because she sings naughty songs to them dotty "jingle bells batman smells etc"!

Stupid autocorrect apostrophe!!!

mmm, I'm struggling today, feel really bad and restless.

Offred, I've had the same from my parents, that I'm the bad one, can't maintain a relationship with any of them, at all, even on a superficial level.

I can't maintain any relationships and don't know why I seem to be less capable than everyone else of this. Really bad today.

Hope everyone else is ok?

Feel a bit drowny so not making sense.

Sorry you're having a bad day Olympic. Anything we can do to help?

Sorry nodded off utterly exhausted, not been sleeping.

Olympic - don't feel bad, I think our experiences are similar-ish and I think you are further along than I am. I having been wondering if I'm better of alone, wondering if that's what's going on with me and DH friend. Sabotaging.

Olympic no need to avoid papers will only be local sorry for giving wrong impression last night was kinda spaced out a bit.

How're you feeling today dotty?

Cailin, don't know, ho hum. Am ok, you ok. Need not to cry and put public face on.

I'm fine thanks Olympic. Do talk about what's going on in your mind if you feel up to it.

just pain in my heart, shitty shit am sitting outside supermarket, can't cry. Doing deep breathing and smoking a fag

Just so much pain in my heart

don't even have an elastic bad, need to ground myself without being obvious

Do you have to go to the supermarket Olympic?

am biting my tongue instead, crap crap crap, sorry everyone.

Just need to be together to get bus home.

No, don't be sorry Olympic. Talk if you want/can. Freak out if you want. Just be...

If you are freaking out on the bus it won't matter, really it won't. I freaked out completely one day in the train station. It won't matter!

I'm so so paid bills this morning after prang fridge is empty not done proper shop since coming back from sisters.

Been painting the rest of my blocks and wheelbarrow whilst its dry enough and transplanting plants so drain can go in (need to get drain) first.

Did a bit of gardening this morning too dotty, does make me feel peaceful.

Can't cry here, feeling a bit better, deep breathing and just chilling.

Feeling bit more connected, crap, so sorry, am stoopid.

Not stupid Olympic please, you don't need to keep a face on and you don't need permission to feel bad either. It's alright. Xxx

Hugs Olympic, Put sunglasses on and have a good cry, or go to a public loo and have a cry. Let it out.

I've had a shit lonely shit day. HAD to go to this organised thing with DD nursery group all morning, mums I hardly know, they all knew each other. Only 2 of them spoke to me. was there for 3 hrs.

I was trying so bloody hard

felt like crying in the middle of the place

what is the point of trying with female friendships in RL anyhow? it is such hard hard work for me.

I've cancelled my night out tomorrow with them, said DH would be late home, so I have to look after kids. I dont want to stand in a noisy bar with women who I now know will be such hard work.

Tbh I just want to curl up and never do the whole school gate, school mum thing for a long time. I just feel exposed having to so social stuff. Really awful, as so much of life depends on being social.

I've literally cried walking down a busy street, sunglasses on. Had to go up an alleyway and had a panic attack. at 2 in the afternoon. This time last yr actually.
Sending you a hug Olympic. Supermarkets are hell. Hate them.

I found mp3/phone with music and headphones on for supermarket shopping to much noise overloaded me and I could avoid interacting with people [wimp emotion]

I have to work, can't not, but I've no money otherwise. Just feel a failure, can't afford to live atm.

Was only at supermarket as no where else quiet to go.

Just felt bad this morning, have no one, have to keep going for ds, just not strong enough. Can't focus properly and keep talking negatively about myself, feel like everyone in rl thinks I'm an idiot/waste of space/pathetic.

I'm qualified and experienced but it's irrelevant to most people, no one wants me to be succesful and just disregard me.

I just can't sell myself, there's always someone better, more qualified more in need, just not connecting with people.

Doing everything wrong and not the right person for anyone. Just don't fit in, don't have anything in common with people.

Don't know how to be normal, always single, no friends or family, skint, can't drive.

One person has called me by my professional name, everyone else has said I'm not good enough, they know someone better without looking at my stuff.

God melodramatic or what!