Am I being paranoid or could he be having an affair?

[MusicForTheMasses]

I think my husband may be having an affair. There are a number of reasons but nothing I can pinpoint. He had a promotion a few months ago and has started staying away from home on business trips, even though I am sure the person doing the job prior to him never did.

I can feel the distance between us and am always on edge. Partly I think (hope) it could be stress from his new job, but I don't think so.

I've noticed him texting a lot more these days (though not significantly, he has never really done this). I did something I thought I would never do earlier today and checked his phone, all his messages on there have been deleted both incoming and ougoing! He's a technophobe and theres a bit of me that thinks that deleting all his messages would be the only way he knows how to get rid of any incriminating ones.

I've noticed him having real hugs with the kids, not that he was ever a bad Dad but it's just as though he's making up for something.

I don't feel I can talk to someone IRL about this as to do it would be to admit something was wrong. We've just come back from holiday and should feel closer than ever, but I don't.

What bogeyface said.

He will be shitting himself right now, I'd leave him to it and pack a bag full of dirty washing for him.

Not replying. The phone is going though. My friend is coming round if I need her to.

I think it's very wise not to reply, although very difficult I'm sure. You need to keep the upper hand here and knowledge is power. God I hate these liars. Glad your friend is coming round. Do you think he will come to the house?

Is there ANY WAY that you are mistaken about this? I know it sounds fucking stupid, but just to be sure.

Otherwise.... you are doing really well - fuck him right off. I can't believe he's being so blatant in denial and making out like you're some paranoid little woman

Keep going. We are all here with you.

I would suggest having someone with you when he does deign to turn up. Where is he, by the way?

I'll only call her if he comes round. I hope he won't but think he will.

Yes, get your friend to come round. If he comes round you may need back up.

Won't it be a bit late by then? Are you going to let him in?

The children WILL have an inkling. It is important to acknowledge things in an appropriate way and to support the. With their feelings. Tell the school what is going on.

If he comes tell him to leave through the door or you will call the police, then call the police. They will come and ask him to leave for 24hours+.

I think you should ask your friend to come round now and talk things through with her.

Just in case anyone thinks I'm imagining it, this is part of one of his emails to the OW "Of course we are both concerned about my 2 ?complications? and at time of writing this I am unsure who will take it worst but when the button is pressed in how many years time I know ? and this is the most important issue for me ? that you will be there as a shoulder to cry on ? a supportive arm around my shoulder and a friend who will have fun times with my 2 growing up"

I believe the complications are our two lovely children.

Actually, are we assuming here that he's likely to be violent? Why the need for the police?
Do you want to talk to him? Or do you need time to process this first?

What a charming way to refer to his children!

Tosser

Think you are doubting yourself. We KNOW you are not imagining it. Ask your friend to come round. No prizes for martyrdom and you will need some support.

He's out for the day. He was going to stop overnight (the irony) but I assume her husband wants her at home this weekend.

And the most important thing is not how the kids take but that HE has a shoulder to cry on?

Take him to the cleaners.

When the button is pressed! In how many years time??? What the hell does he mean, that he wasn't intending to leave for years? Complications! Oh my dear god. He's cold.

WHAT????? Hes planning on playing 'Happy Families' with OW and YOUR CHILDREN??????????

Bastard!

I'm so sorry you're going through this hell. It must have really cut you to see him telling his new woman the same as he told you. I'm fuming and I don't even know him!

While I really do empathise with you, I'm actually pleased you found solid evidence so quickly - well done, that took courage. You've already suffered enough uncertainty and now you've every reason to feel angry and let that power you through the contemptible 'excuses' you're likely to hear. Please do rally your supporters as quickly as possible. Remember this is all about YOU and the kids now. He's written himself out of it.

Wishing you strength of mind, and good friends.

Make sure you get her name and if possible, address so you can name her as co-respondent, why the fuck should her poor husband be the only one in the dark?

Clam - no not assuming he is violent. Just when you have clearly stated you don't want someone to come round and they do it can be seen as harassment and I think the op needs space in order to think.

He won't be violent I don't think but very manipulative and I'm not ready to talk to him yet.

Um, why does he refer to her as "a friend" though? Could that mean she is just that, a friend who is supporting him through wanting to leave you?

Or was there something else as well in the emails?

He is a shit. No one thinks you are imagining it. I wouldn't engage with him at all for at least a few days - give yourself time to think.