Am I being paranoid or could he be having an affair?

[MusicForTheMasses]

I think my husband may be having an affair. There are a number of reasons but nothing I can pinpoint. He had a promotion a few months ago and has started staying away from home on business trips, even though I am sure the person doing the job prior to him never did.

I can feel the distance between us and am always on edge. Partly I think (hope) it could be stress from his new job, but I don't think so.

I've noticed him texting a lot more these days (though not significantly, he has never really done this). I did something I thought I would never do earlier today and checked his phone, all his messages on there have been deleted both incoming and ougoing! He's a technophobe and theres a bit of me that thinks that deleting all his messages would be the only way he knows how to get rid of any incriminating ones.

I've noticed him having real hugs with the kids, not that he was ever a bad Dad but it's just as though he's making up for something.

I don't feel I can talk to someone IRL about this as to do it would be to admit something was wrong. We've just come back from holiday and should feel closer than ever, but I don't.

"when the button is pressed"

He sees his family like a DVD he can eject when it gets too boring?
How lovely.

I commute an hour's drive (grammar) and sometimes stay over after client night out if been drinking, but DH knows where I am, which hotel etc (cheapo Ibis etc). But if you really are suspicious You have 2 options:
spy
ask

If you were the reason he left his first wife, he is likely to behave in a similar way now he is doing the same to you. How did it run last time? You can get ahead of the cr@p if you remember how it was dished previously.

Wow, she sounds classy, waiting around for 'how ever many years' until he presses the delete button on your marriage! Well you've busted his timeline, the bastard.

Shit. Cardinal sin - read the sodding tread tricky

I can add other "with zero appreciation of how she has driven me away from her and into the arms of you. You love me for what I am ? not who I am or what I can bring to the table and this is so exhilarating to me and who knows we may well struggle in years to come financially but this means nothing as long as we have one another for company."

Same e-mail

Do you know this woman? Has he mentioned her before? Was it a shock it was this particular woman?

Can I just had he had f* all when we got together.

Whether he is sleeping with her or she is a friend. He wants to leave, he is clearly setting her up to be next and is being extremely cold about the dcs. That's more than enough. But now is not the time for decisions. Now is the time for disengaging from him and thinking about it clearly alone.

Ah! OK.
Bastard.

Actually, Music, he sounds a right tosser.

You drove him into her arms, did you? She loves him for who he is - a cheating husband?

He says "we" - what are her replies like?

He means she will be a "friend" to the children. Oh the irony. He's clearly bonkers.

And for the record I don't think he is really planning to leave you at all - "in how many years time" surely means he's thrown her some guff about waiting til the children are bigger/have left home/some other bollocks.

He works with this woman, and surprise surpise they have had to see customers together. I even (innocently) asked why she needed to be there once, but they deal with two seperate side of the business and he said it was easier if she was there (I bet it was).

OP, are you the woman who was posting about her partner staying overnight when he only worked an hour away?

Can't wait to see how long she carries on "loving him for who he is, not what he can bring to the table," once you've taken him to the cleaners the money runs out!

That's this thread, Imperial.

I know he's your children's father but really, this is not a man to be proud of. This is a coward. A liar. A cheat. And clearly one who learned nothing form his first failed marriage in how to behave. Not a good role model for your kids.

He's coldly calculating how his life will pan out in years to come, at his leasure, while you're in the dark. Oh I'm sickened for you Music.

Yes, he wasnt planning to leave, she sounds like a convenient shag.

Oh god I'm so pleased it's so "exhilarating" for him

What a twunt.

What can we do, OP? Do you want advice? Anger? Sympathy? Experiences? Or just people to talk to.

Oh god, Elephants, I am so stupid.

imperial

Music - have you asked your friend to come over?

I'd be inclined to tell HER you've chucked him out and it's her turn to have him. Not saying I think you should, Music, but as long as I could control my voice I would. Then use the next few days to shriek at my friends and secure all the bank, pension, investment, house documents and stuff.

My friend has got one of my DC at her house so only want her to come if he turns up. I'm OK with you lot at the mo.

What do I want? You talking to me is enough, advice is good too. Not sure what else at the moment. I think I'm in shock as I'm not feeling that upset?

Hmm, yes, well you probably are. Get wine in, for when it hits you!