Am I being paranoid or could he be having an affair?

[MusicForTheMasses]

I think my husband may be having an affair. There are a number of reasons but nothing I can pinpoint. He had a promotion a few months ago and has started staying away from home on business trips, even though I am sure the person doing the job prior to him never did.

I can feel the distance between us and am always on edge. Partly I think (hope) it could be stress from his new job, but I don't think so.

I've noticed him texting a lot more these days (though not significantly, he has never really done this). I did something I thought I would never do earlier today and checked his phone, all his messages on there have been deleted both incoming and ougoing! He's a technophobe and theres a bit of me that thinks that deleting all his messages would be the only way he knows how to get rid of any incriminating ones.

I've noticed him having real hugs with the kids, not that he was ever a bad Dad but it's just as though he's making up for something.

I don't feel I can talk to someone IRL about this as to do it would be to admit something was wrong. We've just come back from holiday and should feel closer than ever, but I don't.

LOL, I met DH on a dating website. A friend of mine who had recently got divorced told me to 'have a look at those sad old bastards on friends reunited dating'. I registered out of curiousity and looked at a few profiles. I saw DH's and liked the look of him but was put off as he was looking for a woman between 27 and 35 and I was 37. A few days later I sent him a very sarcastic message pointing out that not all women over 35 were over the hill, some of us had a few years left in us! He respondend immediately and it turned out that he really liked my forwardness. We communicated online for a few days then started texting and phoning and met 2 weeks later. 8 months after our first communication we got married. Those were the happy days Have to wonder whether he has signed up for any more dating agencies.

I met DH online in 2005. I'd signed up looking for some fit men to take me out on dates before I left the country 2 months' later. He messaged me saying "Are you getting lots of sleazebags looking for no-strings sex? I am and it's weirding me out!"
I said "I am looking for no-strings sex! Not a sleazebag though!" (or something like that) and we got messaging, emailing, eventually a phonecall, then "oh I'm in town visiting my sister shall we have lunch?" (his sister was my bridesmaid... Later said he never just popped by to visit!) and we've been together ever since.

We're both pretty geeky I suppose, but very boring and normal other than that (kid, house, dog, 2 jobs, go to bed early) ... there are a lot of normal people online! Probably now more than 7 years ago, too, because it was still a bit of a 'weird' thing to do back then but now most people are online.

Anyway, erm, I think it's waaay too soon. And you want a friend of a friend to introduce you to a nice person at the theatre or something .And they will! But not yet! But anyway, there ARE normal people online, you just need to do a lot of sifting!

Well, it's 5 weeks to the hour that I first found out that he was seeing someone. What a 5 weeks it has been, I threw him out. I had him back for an operation. I found out he was still planning to leave me. I've filed for divorce. He's moved in with her!

I am over the devastation period though. I havent cried for a few days, other than the odd tear over things the DCs have said. You lot have kept me sane and I've been blessed with my RL friends.

You are doing really well

Such a lot can happen in such a short space of time can't it Music!? MN is a life saver, as you know that when you're having a wobble there's always someone here with a listening ear and when you're feeling happy we're all here to cheer you on and wish you strength! Well done for coming this far, imagine where you'll be in 5 months...

Sorry Music, catching up - how did you find out he was still planning to leave?

Did you find a text/overhear a conv./did he tell you?

What a twunt. I mean, that he has done this BEFORE - it really should tell him s/thing [that this is not the solution]

Sorry for the delay in replying ABit I had a message my Step Daughter had posted on a forum e-mailed to me by someone.

Thought this deserved an update as it's literally 2 months ago that I came on here asking for advice on if he was cheating or not only to find out 2 days later that yes he was. In that time I had him back to nurse him after an operation and he still planned to leave us.

I've done my crying over him though. I've been upset for the DC but our house is happy and it's now I can see how manipulative he has been to me over the years. I feel so free!

I've applied for the divorce although him and his solicitor have been dragging their heels about replying I hope to be able to apply for the Nisi this week. The next step is Financial Mediation so need to deal with that.

I tried my best to be reasonable with him, but time-after-time got the impression that he didn't realise just how reasonable I was being to him. Currently we are only communicating via e-mail and he picks the kids up from the end of the drive. That's good though as I just feel anger at him.

It worries me just how many threads along the same lines as mine have been started since I wrote this. Thank you all MN as you helped me (and continue to help me) through all this.

So many of you said it and finally I can see that I am a strong woman and whatever happens I will get out the other side of this with my kids and a happy little family wherever that may be. xxx

Congratulations on your freedom!

So glad to hear things are working out. All the best for th future xx

xx

The OW has ended it. She told him her kids had told her to choose between them or him so she chose them. I feel pity for him but scared he will try and weedle his way back here. I don't want her sloppy seconds!

stay strong music!!!!!!! this is where we all need each other to remind each other why we should not go back there.

one part of me would love nothing more than for my H to come back and be a happy family again. But I know that it would not be right as he has proven himself to be a liar and deceitful. He is not the man I was married to and I would not marry a man like that.

They way that our twunts have conducted us since they left is beyond reason.

If they genuinely come back full of remorse, tough shit. It's too late. They threw it all away.

Remember that :-)

It would be bad enough if HE had ended it with her and come crawling back, but the fact that he admits that she has chosen her kids over him (very wise woman) I can't believe he has the gall to think you would even care!

Too right, you don't want her sloppy seconds, which were already your sloppy seconds, not very appealing! You are fabulous and capable and have moved onto a better place. He is now reaping what he has sown. Sit back and gloat x

This is a very vulnerable time for you, music

best to acknowledge it, and act accordingly

we could all say "why would you be scared at this latest drama, you would never take him back after what he did to you!!!" < outrage, outrage>

would you ?

why has he confided his very sad news to you ?

why are you hearing him out ?

ask yourself that

Maybe you should book yourself a little break, give yourself something else to think about ;-)

Bonsoir!!

Oooooh! Ah, consequences are SUCH a bitch aren't they.

How did you hear this, Music?

AF Don't worry, the taking him back ship set sail a long time ago, about the same time I started to rediscover me.

He told me ABit We've had contact today due to a preplanned event with the kids and he asked me if I wanted to see her 'Dear John' letter to him. I said no as it's really none of my business what happens between the two of them. I feel mad at her as she's buggered up my weekend away as he can't have them now lol.

No emotions, nothing today. I have truly moved on.

Oh dear, was he expecting sympathy and a caring shoulder to cry on?

What a shitstorm these people choose. Now he is without exciting hole loving admiration AND his lovely inconveniences family. Who woulda seen this coming. Not the brain in his trousers that's for sure.

It is all SO STUPID!

Every so often, if I need strength, I come back to this thread just to remind myself to be strong. I don't come back too often nowadays as I AM strong!

So to update, halfway there, the Nisi has been granted. Had the first mediation session but he has been a knob and only just got the next session sorted. In the meantime I have found out I can get a mortgage based on maintenance payments and I feel great! It's weird as just 2 months ago I would have still wanted to stay in this house but now I feel I want to move on and be my own person. I wanted to be divorced by Christmas but don't think that will happen now but will be happy if I am early in 2013.

hello, lovey

nice to see you update, even if things are moving more slowly than you/we would like

keep in touch x

Music, oh dear about reality biting, cock action costs £££ him being a knob. Where is he staying, it is completely over with his beautiful true love OW, you know the one he threw his family under a bus for?

How is EW and SD?
How are the children?

Sounds like things are progressing - great to hear you are feeling good.

Lovely to get an update, glad things are moving on for you albeit slowly.

You are a very strong woman and have handled this situation with the utmost dignity.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your DCs and a very positive new year

Wobbly He is living on his his own in a 1 bed flat in the next village. I don't know if they are going to get back together, or if he has someone else and to be honest I don't care I just know I don't want to be with him.

Still in touch with SD, but can sense a bit of a change. Only natural, he is her Dad after all. I think we will remain friends though. Have been in touch with EW a couple of times too. She is going to look after my two at SD's wedding (DD is a bridesmaid) - I'm no longer going as I would never forgive myself if my presence caused trouble.

The children seem to be doing OK. he dog died a few weeks ago which knocked things back. DS told his Dad it 'had been a crap year, first you abandoned us now the dog is dead' - sad but true.

Just a bit fed up of the whole divorce thing as I feel I want it over so I can start my new life.