Am I being paranoid or could he be having an affair?

[MusicForTheMasses]

I think my husband may be having an affair. There are a number of reasons but nothing I can pinpoint. He had a promotion a few months ago and has started staying away from home on business trips, even though I am sure the person doing the job prior to him never did.

I can feel the distance between us and am always on edge. Partly I think (hope) it could be stress from his new job, but I don't think so.

I've noticed him texting a lot more these days (though not significantly, he has never really done this). I did something I thought I would never do earlier today and checked his phone, all his messages on there have been deleted both incoming and ougoing! He's a technophobe and theres a bit of me that thinks that deleting all his messages would be the only way he knows how to get rid of any incriminating ones.

I've noticed him having real hugs with the kids, not that he was ever a bad Dad but it's just as though he's making up for something.

I don't feel I can talk to someone IRL about this as to do it would be to admit something was wrong. We've just come back from holiday and should feel closer than ever, but I don't.

Wow, out of the mouths of babes - 'you abandoned us'. I wonder how that went down. Whether he even got it.

Oh, he got it. He asked me to have a word with DS lol.

what was he expecting you to say to DS?

Deluded twat.

I was showing this thread to a friend who has been through similar and spend the evening reading and nodding with the posts and impressed with myself for how far I have come on!

The children are doing really well. We still have a few ups and downs but they are mainly OK. Schoolwise they both had a bit of a blip during autumn term but they are both back up to where they were and even better. DS has his SATS next term and is expected to do well. I am so proud of them both.

I feel I am going through the worlds longest divorce lol! Nothing has really happened since mediation in December, things broke down for quite a while after that (not very impressed by the Meditior to be honest). I spoke to E(ver)TBXH(!) and he was too busy to sit down with me in January and hasnt come back with a date to go through things since then so I am just leaving it. He's paying the mortgage and Maintanence so I'm not losing anything at the moment other than still being married on paper to the twunt.

I've been dating! I'm quite distant emotionally I think but this seems to encourage men more lol. If only I'd have realised the hard to get approach actually works my teenage dating years would have been much less full of angst! I'm better at knowing what I don't want as to what I actually do want but I expect that will come in time. In the meantime thanks to twunt having the kids EOW and once in the week I have the best social life I've ever had lol. I enjoy being with my girlfriends and am lucky enough to be able to have met and count some lovely MN'ers amongst those!

Feel nothing about twunt, just complete indifference, although have obviously had the odd moment about child related issues but I realise I need to disengage and I am doing. Someone said on here (and in RL) the best revenge is to live well and that is precisely what I am doing. I don't know what happened about the OWs marriage and I don't care! I may even send her a thank you card one day as I realise I had lost a bit of me over the last 15 years, but I have that back. A friend from school told me that we all have things happen that shape our lives but that I am the same happy girl they remembered from school. That's the best compliment I've had!

I've started exercising properly, going to kickboxing and boxing and I love it, easy to take your aggression out on a punchbag lol. I'm going to concerts with friends (you know who you are!) and I'm going to live my life for me, and one day I'm sure a man will be part of that, but he will have to be very special to share my life and children with!

If you are just going through this I just want to say you will get through it. It's not always easy, but nothing ever is. xxx

What a wonderful post! You have come such a long way & you really are a happy fun person! I am so glad I got to know you!

Well done you . I am glad the DCs and you are living well.

Thank you for updating. I remember your thread well.

Music, thank you so much for updating. I actually think about you quite a lot. (Yours was one of the first I read on here)

I'm so glad you are doing well!!

Thank you all. Midwife you have been such a help through everything.

It's far too easy to get caught up in the small stuff but I realise that it's the kids that are important and we still have our family hugs. I can tell I've moved on as I can hear their adventures with their Dad without swearing mentally in my head lol!

Frequent and Sucks thanks for remembering me, MN was an absolute lifesaver for me in all honesty and got me through the toughest of times. xx

So glad to hear things are going well for you Music.

( aka Fiventhree )

Thanks. xx

I've had a real morale boost today that shows me (and the world) how I've moved on. Without wanting to out myself I will let anyone who wants to know into my little secret if the message me. xx

Well done you!! Xx

Well, it's a year this weekend. I've recently been offered a full time job which I am going to start in a week and went to the Court today to file Form A in order to get the financial stuff sorted once and for all. There has been so much happen in one year I just can't believe it.

The kids are doing really well, and I am so proud of them for how they have adjusted. I encourage their relationship with their Dad, no matter what I think of him. They will make their own minds up in the future, about both of us so I need to worry about my behaviout towards them and be the best parent I can be.

I'm dating someone who I think is really special and hope there is a future there. I feel deep down there could well be. We met on a dating site too, so it can happen lol!

Yippee OP!
(I used to be somuch and the first to originally post!)
You should be a poster girl for others going through the same!
I wish I had even half the strength of you.
A weird thing coming back to this for me as the post started June 2012.
I discovered my D(?)P having an affair July 2012. Why was I posting on a topic like this with no previous history of an affair in my relationship. Was I struggling in my relationship that drew me here or sensed something myself but not able to face up to it? Who knows???

Yay! High five MusicForTheMasses - you rock. You're such a positive and lovely person and you are now reaping the rewards in your new life without that twunt weighing you down.

I love the idea of sending the OW a thank you card - send him one too!

You have been dignified & put the kids first throughout & even helped him at times despite what he did. You can hold your head high & deserve the absolute best now!

newbiefrugalgal It could well have been that. How are you now? I hope you are getting through it. x

Donut thanks so much, you have helped me through this year more than you know! The card is seriously tempting xx

Midwife Thanks for that, I still swear at him, but keep it to in my head! ;-) xx

Yes internal cursing is very useful!!

One day at a time for me.

Ask him in a very quiet controlled manner.. if he denies, ask who he's texting - can you see? Why not?

Music - wow.

Life gets better? Really? I live in hope!

Music, you are simply awesome

Wellwobbly - really, there is life on the other side, just waiting for you to grab it. Following on from that newbie you will get there.

Katie Thanks, people have been so nice, but brutally frank, to me on here it's what got me through. PooPoo touched a number of nerves, she told the truth but it was too soon for me to see it. I appreciate she did though.