Am I being paranoid or could he be having an affair?

[MusicForTheMasses]

I think my husband may be having an affair. There are a number of reasons but nothing I can pinpoint. He had a promotion a few months ago and has started staying away from home on business trips, even though I am sure the person doing the job prior to him never did.

I can feel the distance between us and am always on edge. Partly I think (hope) it could be stress from his new job, but I don't think so.

I've noticed him texting a lot more these days (though not significantly, he has never really done this). I did something I thought I would never do earlier today and checked his phone, all his messages on there have been deleted both incoming and ougoing! He's a technophobe and theres a bit of me that thinks that deleting all his messages would be the only way he knows how to get rid of any incriminating ones.

I've noticed him having real hugs with the kids, not that he was ever a bad Dad but it's just as though he's making up for something.

I don't feel I can talk to someone IRL about this as to do it would be to admit something was wrong. We've just come back from holiday and should feel closer than ever, but I don't.

We don't have any mutual friends dont so it's not that. Off to block, good idea.

MOS I've been on a diet since the end of January anyway, but this has given me a kick start lol.

:o Oh what a fab evening. He's just taken the kids out, but before he did I asked him if he'd had the 'paperwork' - just how arsey was he lol? Says he won't be rushed or railroaded into anything and that he cant see a solicitor for another 15 days, I'll remind him he has 14 days to respond before he leaves.

I feel empowered!

Yay! GO Music I wish I could get some "arsey" to be honest - must be very satisfying

I know he's arsey as he's been calling me Music rather than Musey that he would usually use! I bet all is not well in the Love Nest PMSL!

My DH lasted 6 weeks in his love nest with ow (the threadbare towels and dogshit in the hallway got to him in the end , oh and 4 yr old ds hanging on to his leg crying "stay forever daddy" whenever he left from an access visit).

He was not allowed back straightaway, had to stay with his parents for 3/4 months whilst we had counselling, repaired marriage enough so that DCs weren't put through it again, should either one of us decide we couldn't do it.

Sit back and enjoy his arsiness (grin)

I peed my STBXH off tonight, we had a fight by text and he got artsy, . he thought he could threaten me by saying if you want me to change my address then get me off the mortgage, so I replied obviously that's going to happen, dont worry it's all in hand! That shut him up!

I'm on a high again now.

He's just gone. As he was leaving I reminded him it needs to be 14 days, just got 'my solicitor is dealing with it' - soI said 'I assume you're not contesting it, I assume you and OW want to get together asap. - oh and by the way, it's very nice of her to look me up on FB' - and left it at that. :o

:o

I would probably have said something that implied he wasnt the only one with someone in the wings. Nothing overt, just a hint along the lines of "Well we both want this sorted dont we? Its not far to keep OW and ......, we should just get it sorted asap for everyone involved"

But then I am stupid and would probably end up making things worse (I am known for that!) :o

I did say that I have a habit of making things worse, thats why I am glad that the OP didnt say anything like that!

Someone very wise once told me the best revenge is living well.

So all you need to do to hurt him and make him feel a shit is to have a fantastic life and learn to be happy again. Keep focusing on that as your goal.

Yes, don't push him. Don't escalate things.

He might be starting to feel as though he might have made a mistake. You need to stay really graceful, so that sense of MISTAKE just escalates...

[it is around this time, when he has been pushed into OW's open, loving arms and open, loving legs that that freedom doesn't feel so great] The children will be calling him. He will be thinking 'I have done this before to other kids'... Just don't do anything to get him out of there, it's not a nice place.

Be the nicest person you can possibly be, and leave him in his brain addled space. If he can't wind you up, he can't blame you.

Don't worry. I'm not saying anything a) in front of the kids and b) I honestly think I'm showing real restraint but I'm not saying anything else to him about anything. I just wanted him to know that I knew that she was on Facebook as he absolutely hates it and has been vile to me in the past because I refused to stop going on there lol.

I'm not contacting him at all inbetween him seeing the kids.

Have been watching your progress throughout admiringly from the sidelines.

Just had to say, isn't it amazing - and galling - how behaviour which has hitherto been considered naff/irritating/reprehensible suddenly becomes acceptable when it's the OW doing it?

Not long before it starts to get on his wick again I suspect!

Maybe he didn't like you going on there in case you found out about the affair? From perhaps someone seeing something on her profile and telling you or similar. People are too honest on fb sometimes and for someone (your H) who makes a habit of deceiving people, fb is probably very unattractive to him. All sorts of things come out thanks to fb these days.

That's what riled me Roxy - he used to have real sulks over FB, but I bet he doesn't dare with her.

Dont I don't think so, I think it was more about control, as it was the only way I kept in touch with my friends as I never made phone calls at night as he was always sulking if someone called.

Feeling much more positive. It's telling that the tears I have had over the last few days are for my kids and not for me. I can see a happier future for myself on the horizon. x

That's real progress Music. Thats about where I am now, had a few tears this morning as my DCs are at their dads for 2 days and I miss em, but when you stop caring about him and start caring about yourself and the DCs you know you're on the up.

Yes good point. He did sound very controlling

OMG, I had a drink, just the one. I went on a dating site and now I've scared myself! Not ready for that yet!

Oh heavens no! It's almost 3 years now for me and my one foray into dating was hideous You're braver than me

Did it make you feel good for a moment to look?

How are you today?

It's genuinly scared me. Will be a while before I do that again lol.

Good day today, not bothered by him in any way shape or form!

Hsha, I did the same! Signed up to match.com just to see if anyone in my area.... I didn't pay to sign up properly or put on a photo though!

I keep getting emails saying people have looked at my profile but I can't see who unless I pay and I'm not ready for that, lol. They are all 45 or 47 and I just think omg that's old, but I'm 40 and my H was 48, lol.

Skye, that's exactly the same as me lol. I'm 40 too and my H was 50 but all the 50 year olds seem far too old. We need toy boys lol.

I'll be looking for an older bloke, he'll be more grateful I couldn't take the pressure of a toy boy and feeling inadequate - if even Demi Moore can't hold onto one I don't stand a chance (I'd rather have Bruce Willis than Ashton Kutcher anyway! Or maybe both...)