2 years with xp (on and off...more of that later). He is 35 now, I'm 39.
We don't live together, largely because he doesn't work and has expected me to support him completely. Including all food, bills and plane tickets for when he visits family in Europe. He said the alternative was never seeing me at all as he cannot afford anything. Probably partly true cos he only has E450 per month rental income to live off from a property his family gave him. But clearly not entirely true.
he is finishing a pHD, which in the UK means that when your grant runs out you start p/t work to make ends meet- but he decided not to, as when at home he can live off his rental income while living with his mother or father (they live in different cities...) but he cant' do that with me in London as it's too expensive. I have asked for a small regular contribution frequently but somehow this is impossible because he won't be able to 'keep the money he needs to have a decent life'.
So far so uncommitted eh? Yet when I tell him he is clearly uncommitted, he yells blue murder at me. I have various mental illnesses and problems and he paints himself as a saint for putting up with me and my 'situation' (stuck in London for at least next 10 years with my young sons and wouldn't dream of anything else thankyou v much).
I have told him that clearly he lacks commitment to me as if he wanted to be with me that much he could move here at least temporarily and we could make plans to move out of the UK later when my children are older, if he wants it so much. Clearly I am not a free agent and he is. But it's a no. He hates UK blah blah.
So why the heck doesn't he leave ME? God knows. I suppose he wants the LDR and sex/attention at times but doesn't want to bother actually having to be with me. He says he is 'different to other people' which is why our relationship doesn't have to be 'normal'.
That bit I can get, as you cant' always have a 'normal' relationship even if you want one. However, when he is here, he is a demanding nightmare. He came back the other night from being with his friend all day (at 10pm) and wanted to 'spend some time together' by watching a film or something which was fine with me, but he was faffing about so I picked my book up which I had been telling him was really good and I was v into it (I'm academic, it was a book for work and I was enthused by it). Cue a massive teenage sulk about how I had 'made an appointment with him' (wtff????) and now i was 'letting him down' etc etc. This culminated in me losing it and crying saying I didn't feel I had a lot left and he wanted the last bit. He threw a lot of insults at me as I was lying in bed crying and I couldn't take it any more, I was begging/yelling him to leave the room and he just wouldn't. So I lost it totally and flew at him hitting him to get him out of the room :(((((
I feel shit about it and I know physical violence is appalling whether committed by a man or woman. But I feel I was being emotionally abused by him standing over me shouting and refusing to leave the room. I had already become hysterical and he was calling me 'mad' and telling me I had 'forced him to come here' ????? 'by paying for his ticket' ????? (god...written down it is so fucking ludicrous).
Anyway then I got a long letter detailing my physical abuse of him and how he will 'bear the wounds' of this relationship forever (he had a bit of a bruise on his neck). The next day I asked again if he really thought I was an 'abuser' and he had no part in any of this and got another tirade. I went quiet and said I didn't think I could take this any more. He left and I don't know where he went.
The last time we split up he had another temporary girlfriend within 2 days, btw, he is extremely handsome and attractive. So he may well have shacked up with someone else :( I cant' get that out of my mind what is wrong with me???
I can't get over the fear of being alone. At my age and with a mental illness, maybe he is the best I will get....
I know what you're all going to say. But how do i get on with my life alone? How do I have hope of ever meeting a decent man at my age? (And yes I know xp is not a decent man....)