men who got to prostitutes

[jake42]

Hello .
ive been reading all the threads on here about guys who visit escorts/ prostitutes/ whores etc , and i know im probably going to be called all sorts of names as its mainly a womans site, but i thought id write and tell my tale.

42 year old male , married for some 15 years, adore my wife and child and my family life . i want to get old with her .
just after our marriage one evening after sex ,whilst cuddling in bed , she says ive been thinking, we dont have to do sex, we love each other , lets live together like a brother and sister ! WTF im thinking, whats bought this on, nothing i could say or do would change her mind, we had sex very infrequently after , mainly to try for a baby. once said baby was born , she obviously was tired most of the time and eventually moved into the spare room blaming tiredness and my snoring (i do snore, but not that bad) . that was around 10 years ago and is still there now. We may of had sex 6 or 7 times since, im never allowed the pleasure of oral sex either way ,sex is always at my request, but always with the feeling that she just wants me to come and finish.
i adore her and cant imagine life without her, but the thought of no sex or hardly any doesnt appeal to me at all.
so after being knocked back one time too many i visited a site where Escort girls advertised and agreed to meet one .
i have been discreetly seeing different ones for around 5 years, always take every precaution and making sure my wife does not catch anything.
im basically between a rock and a hard place, i need to have sex , my wife doesnt, we love each other , i dont want to leave her , she , i assume doesnt want us to split up . but i cant imagine life for another 30 yrs with out sexual contact. i kind of figure that paying for it off a prostitute is better than having an affair, which as i love my wife would be out of the question.
i would be glad if anyone out there could perhaps in someway give me some advice . oh and im not a woman hater , i adore female company more than male .

[jake42]

thats pretty much where we,re at .

[weeonion]

So your post was to make us at mumsnet see that men who pay for sex can be decent chaps really. You werent looking for advice? You werent looking for support around difficult choices?

You just wanted to justify exploitation.

ok then.

[Chubfuddler]

I know it's not about me. I had sex with my husband this morning.

His wife doesn't have to do anything and I'm a little disturbed by your "don't take no for answer" attitude to counselling for them.

[HypercriticalOaf]

Your marriage was wrecked when your partner married you then told you that you are akin to a sibling, however, in her honesty, she retains the moral highground whereas you have deceived endlessly, betrayed, placed (your unfounded belief that you need) sex above all and probably wrecked her life.

[Houseofplain]

Thread proves one thing though.....if real....all escort users do indeed hate women. The categorise them into madonna whores. Some are worth than more than.

Real men who don't actually hate women or have big issues with them don't do that. They wouldn't call women whores or pay for them as a piece of meat. So not sure what you are trying to prove

[Houseofplain]

More than others *

[curiositykitten]

Adultery is adultery whichever way you dress it up. Hoping that she won't divorce you for it because she is catholic is low.

[NarkedPuffin]

at Abitwobblynow. I'd recommend he starts the conversation with, 'I've been paying women to ejaculate in their mouths.'

[HypercriticalOaf]

"my post? its just to make you realise that men visit escorts for different reasons, and not that we, re over randy bastards who cheat without reason."

Thank you for trying to make us (poor women without our own ability to choose what we feel the need to know or the sense and intelligence to reason our way to our very own conclusion) realise (") that every man who is a cheat thinks he has good reason and justification for being just that.

Of course every cheat can justify it! ...and usually only to themselves.

[r3dh3d]

Why doesn't your wife want to have sex with you?

You've told us she doesn't. You've told us she's adamant. But you haven't told us why. And without that you can't tell if it is something you could change, or ought to change or what.

If she just went off sex because she wasn't getting much out of it, and after the baby she was too tired and now she's got out of the habit of even thinking about it - well, that's probably fixable.

If she went off sex because of hangups/associations - well that's harder to fix, but that's fixable too.

If she's not gone off sex, but has gone off sex with you because she doesn't fancy you any more & has fallen out of love with you but does't want to rock the boat - not really fixable. But you need to know about it, don't you?

If she's never really had an interest in sex, but was just doing it to keep you happy and couldn't face living the lie any more - well that's probably not fixable. And it's probably not something you ought to fix, either.

[Abitwobblynow]

"thats pretty much where we,re at ."

I know. But there is only one way to solve a problem: and that is by solving it.

So what are you going to DO? And you know that those two things are: letting your fingers do the walking, and opening your mouth.

Yes it will be hard. But you can do this.

[Abitwobblynow]

Lucky you, Chub!

[NarkedPuffin]

I didn't know he was that bendy Abitwobblynow, but that would be one way to meet his oral 'needs'.

[LowFlyingBirds]

WhaT on earth makes you think we need your input in order to form our opinions on the sex industry and the people who use it?

What an inflated sense of importance you have. Figures, really...

[jake42]

thanks Abitwobblynow , you are about the only one here who doesnt see me as a swine.

[HypercriticalOaf]

Persecution complex? Didums! Try taking responsibility rather than blame your PW for your choices.

[HotBurrito1]

Be dead impressive if he can NarkedPuffin.

[RetroMom]

What's wrong with calling a whore a whore? Prostitute, escort, call girl, whore. A whore is a whore is a whore. So why berate the man for calling a woman a whore when she is one? I don't understand.

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

OP - did you know that the prostitutes you visit are people too? Just like (or probably slightly better than) you?

Amazing isn't it.

They don't want to have sex with you. Your wife doesn't want to have sex with you either. There are PROBABLY women out there who would have sex with you because they want to. But you aren't interested in that are you?

[AvonCallingBarksdale]

you are about the only one here who doesnt see me as a swine.
Stop referring to women as "whores" then!

[Houseofplain]

Retromom are you female? I hope not.

Wow just wow.

[RetroMom]

Oh my word!

Yes I'm female.

[Houseofplain]

Oh dear.

[Jakecouldbemydh]

As you can probably guess by the name, Ive changed for this!
Jake are you sure you're not my dh? We are in an almost identical situation, I don't have sex with my dh, but in every other we way have a fantastic relationship.
The difference between us and you is that I won't have sex with my husband but I do with another man.(which dh doesn't know about) however I'm not suggesting your wife is doing the same.
The reasons I won't have sex with dh are many, but the main one is that I can't respect him, because he never stands up to me, apart from in 1 thing, and that's his refusal to have a vasectomy.
This situation has been going on for about 9 years. Even when we did have sex it wasn't great. For the last 6 years I've had a 'sex only'relationship with a guy, and that's exactly what it is-sex and nothing else. It scratches that itch
Many times I've wished I could open a conversation with dh about it, but it's not going to happen anytime soon.
I can't give you any answers for your situation but wanted to let people's know it does happen the other way round too