men who got to prostitutes

[jake42]

Hello .
ive been reading all the threads on here about guys who visit escorts/ prostitutes/ whores etc , and i know im probably going to be called all sorts of names as its mainly a womans site, but i thought id write and tell my tale.

42 year old male , married for some 15 years, adore my wife and child and my family life . i want to get old with her .
just after our marriage one evening after sex ,whilst cuddling in bed , she says ive been thinking, we dont have to do sex, we love each other , lets live together like a brother and sister ! WTF im thinking, whats bought this on, nothing i could say or do would change her mind, we had sex very infrequently after , mainly to try for a baby. once said baby was born , she obviously was tired most of the time and eventually moved into the spare room blaming tiredness and my snoring (i do snore, but not that bad) . that was around 10 years ago and is still there now. We may of had sex 6 or 7 times since, im never allowed the pleasure of oral sex either way ,sex is always at my request, but always with the feeling that she just wants me to come and finish.
i adore her and cant imagine life without her, but the thought of no sex or hardly any doesnt appeal to me at all.
so after being knocked back one time too many i visited a site where Escort girls advertised and agreed to meet one .
i have been discreetly seeing different ones for around 5 years, always take every precaution and making sure my wife does not catch anything.
im basically between a rock and a hard place, i need to have sex , my wife doesnt, we love each other , i dont want to leave her , she , i assume doesnt want us to split up . but i cant imagine life for another 30 yrs with out sexual contact. i kind of figure that paying for it off a prostitute is better than having an affair, which as i love my wife would be out of the question.
i would be glad if anyone out there could perhaps in someway give me some advice . oh and im not a woman hater , i adore female company more than male .

I'm not sure who 'you lot' are but I've seen lots of posters on relationships saying how destructive it is to use sex as a bargaining tool in a relationship, whether it's in exchange for a new dress or just not getting hit again.

I don't blame prostituted women I blame the men who think they're entitled to sex.

Retro, you had at least 5 posts deleted here - because of personal attacks and some very mistaken ideas on sexual consent and rape - so no exaggeration from me there.

I'm not sure why you think it's relevant to differentiate between 'religion' and 'the law' - it's sex discrimination - it's happening now and been happening since the establishment of the church of england. I note you've gone very quiet on the subject of the number of women MPs though.

On the subject of prostitution - never say nothing will ever change! Old stick in the muds always say that and things always change as society gets more enlightened. Legislation can change attitudes within a generation - criminalising the buying of sex would change attitudes. I won't hold my breath that shiny Dave will do anything about it - but it's happening in countries with a more equal proportion of women in government.

Sorry, MissF - I really take issue with your post there - there are a lot of women in prostitution needing to be 'saved.' And there are not enough resources to help them all.

Here are those stats again, MissFaversham ...

According to evidence submitted to the UK Government (Home Office, 2004), between 50-75% of women entered prostitution before they were 18, with 15 years being the average age of entry.

an overwhelming majority of women in all forms of prostitution have been sexually abused as children (Silbert and Pines, 1982a; Nadon et al., 1998). Some estimates are as high as 90%.

Research has shown that there is a 75% rate of current or past homelessness among those prostituted in nine countries (Farley et al., 2003).

There is extensive literature documenting that prostitution causes profound emotional damage (Baldwin, 1992; Barry, 1995; Dworkin, 1997; Herman, 2003; Hoigard and Finstad, 1986; Farley et al., 2003; Raymond et al., 2002).

A majority of women who sell sex have pimps who may be called by other names, such as friend or husband. Nonetheless they function as pimps (McLeod, 1982; Farley, 2007).

A study of 240 women prostituted in Leeds, Edinburgh, and Glasgow found that 26% of women in indoor prostitution had experienced some form of serious violence from the men who had bought them in the past six months (Church et al., 2001).

These quotes are all from this study on men who buy sex. What horrified me most on reading the study was how the men hadn't bought in to the happy hooker myth - they were aware the women they were buying were likely to be trafficked and abused, they just didn't give a shit.

Im sorry that you do to running, I also know there are a lot of women in prostitution needing to be saved. That was not my opion on this board if you read what I say.

What's the answer then? I truly believe that prostituion should be licenced and controlled, a blanket ban just would not work.

I also have all those exploited women in mind when I say these things. I'm just far more grey on these issues.

How should the risk be weighed up? What value is given to a persons orgasm (also readily available without purchasing sex) versus the likelihood of the person being bought being n that position through vulnerable cicumstances.

I just feel that if these things were brought out into the open and monitored and controlled surely it would be better all round?

'I don't blame prostituted women I blame the men who think they're entitled to sex.'

If all hookers were happy, would you still blame the men?

The answer MissFaversham is to criminalise the purchase of sex. When men are criminalised for their sexually abusive behaviour towards women, demand falls and prostitution decreases.

Licensing prostitution actually encourages it, and encourages the illegal side of the industry. If you turn prostitution into a commerical proposition like any other, then no-one is looking out for the girls and women in it, and they have nowhere to turn. Legalisation also gives men the idea that it is OK to treat women as sexual commodities.

The criminalisation of punters is already happening in Sweden, Norway and Iceland and hopefully many other countries will be following suit soon too.

In an ideal world maybe nyac but Im talking about now. So you are saying that Sweden doesn't have a sex industry? This is a question by the way.

I'm very interested in how they and the other countries you have mentioned are dealing with this.

Wouldn't it be far more useful to try and understand more about why these women turn to prostitution? If so many of them are sexually abused at a young age, surely it's more logical to place the blame on their abusers (be they male or female) rather than the men who pay for sex with them?

Shouldn't society be doing more to prevent child sexual abuse than arresting punters? That seems backwards to me. If less and less women became prostitutes due to bad childhoods, then you would be left with 'happy hookers', of whom I have no problem with. Wouldn't that be a better solution?

A serious question to you for once, Nyac...I have no interest in 'having a go', and absolutely will not be rude.

Can actually see sigmunds point here too (in a weird way)

sorry sigmund didnt mean that, just your user name came to the fore a bit there

Yes, Sigmund I would still blame the punters. You see, I agree with nyac and Plenty - it is the punters who think that it is acceptable to buy women's bodies for sex that is the absolute crux of the problem. Take away these punters (no more ludicrous a suggestion that your hypothetical 'if all prostitutes are happy') there would be no demand demand for prostitutes, happy or otherwise.

Not all men use prostitutes - I think the figure bandied about earlier was 1 in 4 - it is not a requirement for men to have access to prostitutes. Some people just think it is.

I'm afraid your argument is flawed there Sigmund - if you tackled sexual abuse, and I am all for that - you wouldn't only be left with happy hookers. For a start, it doesn't account for all the women trafficked, who basically have their passports taken and are forced to become prostitutes. And all the other other unsavoury reasons women turn to prostitution. There are very few genuine Belle de Jours. You need to get to the route of the problem of prostitution - the punters who feel they are entitled.

Unfortunately running that won't happen in the foreseeable future, if at all. with the emphasis on "if at all" Anyway, I wonder where the OP went?

The op got the fight he was after

Or maybe he was genuine? Hope he was was given food for thought if so.

I have to go due to kids decending soon.

Play nicely though you two.

I'm sure he did running but I hope that he re-evaluates his wifes stance too.

Ok. Trafficking is bad, I accept that. Lets take trafficking out of the equation, hypothetically. Lets take 'damaged' prostitutes out of the equation. Tell me what is so inherently bad about paying for sex.

Retro, you had at least 5 posts deleted here - because of personal attacks and some very mistaken ideas on sexual consent and rape - so no exaggeration from me there.

No I didn't. I'm aware of one deleted post. I wasn't victim blaming as I was accused of, but maybe I didn't word my post too well to explain that. The dogs got a snapping before I could

I'm not sure why you think it's relevant to differentiate between 'religion' and 'the law' - it's sex discrimination - it's happening now and been happening since the establishment of the church of england. I note you've gone very quiet on the subject of the number of women MPs though.

Religion is a choice

As for me running from the subject of female mps. Sweetheart, I'm not flying the flag for feminism. You are!

I'm also done interacting/exchanging with you

two wrongs don't make a right ay.

I genuinely learn a great deal from these boards and that, at the end of the day is surely the way to go.