Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

men who got to prostitutes

684 replies

jake42 · 21/05/2012 12:26

Hello .
ive been reading all the threads on here about guys who visit escorts/ prostitutes/ whores etc , and i know im probably going to be called all sorts of names as its mainly a womans site, but i thought id write and tell my tale.

42 year old male , married for some 15 years, adore my wife and child and my family life . i want to get old with her .
just after our marriage one evening after sex ,whilst cuddling in bed , she says ive been thinking, we dont have to do sex, we love each other , lets live together like a brother and sister ! WTF im thinking, whats bought this on, nothing i could say or do would change her mind, we had sex very infrequently after , mainly to try for a baby. once said baby was born , she obviously was tired most of the time and eventually moved into the spare room blaming tiredness and my snoring (i do snore, but not that bad) . that was around 10 years ago and is still there now. We may of had sex 6 or 7 times since, im never allowed the pleasure of oral sex either way ,sex is always at my request, but always with the feeling that she just wants me to come and finish.
i adore her and cant imagine life without her, but the thought of no sex or hardly any doesnt appeal to me at all.
so after being knocked back one time too many i visited a site where Escort girls advertised and agreed to meet one .
i have been discreetly seeing different ones for around 5 years, always take every precaution and making sure my wife does not catch anything.
im basically between a rock and a hard place, i need to have sex , my wife doesnt, we love each other , i dont want to leave her , she , i assume doesnt want us to split up . but i cant imagine life for another 30 yrs with out sexual contact. i kind of figure that paying for it off a prostitute is better than having an affair, which as i love my wife would be out of the question.
i would be glad if anyone out there could perhaps in someway give me some advice . oh and im not a woman hater , i adore female company more than male .

OP posts:
runningforthebusinheels · 25/05/2012 18:07

Retro.

No, the 2 doctors signing off abortion don't have to be men. Hmm I think you're missing the point there somewhat.

Religion not being the law is hardly the point either- it is still sexism. Women are not allowed to become bishops.

Mr & Mrs/Miss may not bother you personally - but it is still evidence of a woman being defined by her marriage whereas a man is not.

In Sweden 47% of MPs are women. Other Scandinavian countries have a much higher proportion of women in government and in the boardroom than the UK- 145 out of 650 is a pitiful figure. Interestingly enough, this seems to go hand in hand with legislation for decent maternity rights and affordable childcare, which allows more women to work.

RetroMom · 25/05/2012 18:22

We've gone off track here a bit.

Abortion is a whole other discussion with 2 sides to it.

As for religion. Take that up with God or the Priest. I'm not sure which one. Religion should not be involved in law. Law takes precedence however.

I don't think anyone would really care if you chose to write Mrs&Mr. I really don't.

As for the rest. Keep fighting! I'll pay it a little more mind, maybe.

I think we've high-jacked this thread long enough!

Sorry....

That was an interesting post by winegoogles.

runningforthebusinheels · 25/05/2012 18:23

You don't think religion has powers in law? Think on - try googling religious peers.

runningforthebusinheels · 25/05/2012 18:40

I think Winegoggles post was interesting in that it is all about an individual's choice, once again completely disregarding the damage prostitution does to womenkind.

And I don't agree that it is just women that pillory other women for having casual sex. It is all part of the double standard where sex in concerned.

RetroMom · 25/05/2012 18:42

I did. I found this!

Authorities differ on whether the Lords Spiritual are peers. Some contend that archbishops and diocesan bishops are peers during their tenures in the House of Lords, while others argue that only the Lords Temporal are peers. Debrett's Peerage and Baronetage, for example, unequivocally states, "Diocesan Bishops of England in the Lords are ? peers of the kingdom." On the other hand, the Encyclopædia Britannica of 1911 suggests, "the spiritual lords are not now regarded as peers."

Even during the early years of the Peerage, the position of bishops was unclear. During the reign of King Richard II, the Archbishop of Canterbury declared, "of right and by the custom of the realm of England it belongeth to the Archbishop of Canterbury for the time being as well as others his suffragans, brethren and fellow Bishops, Abbots and Priors and other prelates whatsoever, ? to be present in person in all the King's Parliaments whatsoever as Peers of the Realm." The claim was neither agreed nor disagreed to, however, by Parliament.

The Lords Spiritual at first declared themselves entirely outside the jurisdiction of secular authorities; the question of trial in the House of Lords did not arise. When papal authority was great, the King could do little but admit a lack of jurisdiction over the prelates. Later, however, when the power of the Pope in England was reduced, the Lords Spiritual came under the authority of the secular courts. The jurisdiction of the common courts was clearly established by the time of Henry VIII, who declared himself head of the Church of England in place of the Pope, ending the political power of the Roman Catholic Church in England.

Despite their failure to be tried as temporal peers in the House of Lords, it remained unclear whether the Lords Spiritual were indeed peers. In 1688, the issue arose during the trial of the Seven Bishops?William Sancroft, Archbishop of Canterbury; Sir Jonathan Trelawny, 3rd Baronet, Bishop of Winchester; Thomas Ken, Bishop of Bath and Wells; John Lake, Bishop of Chester; William Lloyd, Bishop of Worcester; Francis Turner, Bishop of Ely and Thomas White, Bishop of Peterborough?by a common jury. The charge was that a petition sent by the Bishops constituted seditious libel; the Bishops argued that they had the right to petition the Sovereign at any time, while the prosecution charged that such a right was only permissible when Parliament was in session (which, at the time of the delivery of the petition, it was not). If the bishops were only Lords of Parliament, and not peers, their right to petition would be vitiated while Parliament was dissolved. Peers, however, were and still are counsellors of the Sovereign whether Parliament is in session or not; therefore, if the bishops were indeed peers, they would be free to send petitions. Since there was no doubt that the petition was actually sent, while the Court still ruled the bishops not guilty, it appears that it was taken for granted that the bishops were counsellors of the Crown.

Nevertheless, the Standing Orders of the House of Lords provide, "Bishops to whom a writ of summons has been issued are not Peers but are Lords of Parliament."

RetroMom · 25/05/2012 18:46

And you running, ignore the damage it DOESN'T DO to some woman.

You want to ban motor vehicles for the damage they do too to some people? Or do you want to make driving safer?

Sort of the same thing, different issue here. Now apply the same logic please, and maybe you'll see how your view is one of dogma.

runningforthebusinheels · 25/05/2012 18:46

Still sexist discrimination though isn't it? No matter whether it is religious or legal - women are prohibited from being bishops.

runningforthebusinheels · 25/05/2012 18:47

Ignoring the damage it DOESN'T DO to some women is not awfully important. Ignoring the damage it DOES DO to MANY women is inexcusable.

RetroMom · 25/05/2012 18:47

But religion is a choice!

runningforthebusinheels · 25/05/2012 18:50

It's still discrimination - if a woman is religious by choice, she has no option or opportunity to become a bishop - purely on the basis of her sex.

RetroMom · 25/05/2012 18:58

No you're right, she doesn't have the opportunity, you're right. But she knew that from the get go. Just like, I'm not obligated to give any of my money to the church of scientology, but if I signed up to their dogma I would be bound to do so! I wouldn't join them and then argue that my money is my money and the law needs to change to protect me. Too many religious people want to pick and choose which part of their devout scriptures they want to subscribe to. It's either a bunch of ballony which you can pick and choose and change as you like to make it fit your needs and wants, or it's God's word, which must be obeyed. I don't have a relationship with any God. I subscribe to it being ballony. People wanting to change scripture for their own means seems like over ruling their God in my eyes. So I'll bow out of that discussion if you don't mind.

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 25/05/2012 19:16

I don't think sex should be 'in exchange for' anything. I have sex because I like it and want it. These days that's as part of a loving relationship but I've had lots of recreational sex with willing short-term and casual partners in the past. Never in exchange for anything though, just for the sake of mutually enjoyable sex.

Sex shouldn't be some service women do for men, 'give away for free' or use as a bargaining chip. The only way I could imagine that even making sense is if you don't like sex or you're having sex you don't really want.

I get that you chose to enter prostitution, WineGoggles but no, I don't think it's an empowering choice - not for you, not for the majority of prostituted women, whose industrial-scale abuse is justified by men because a few of you happen to have chosen this life freely, and not for women as a whole because you perpetuate the idea that women can be bought and sold like objects. Just because it's a choice, doesn't mean it's not a crap one.

I'd be 100% behind the criminalisation of buying sex. It seems to be working well in countries that are going down that route. If that means a few happy hookers are put out and have to consider a career change then oh well, consider a career change because the industry you are in is incredibly unethical and damages countless women every day.

RetroMom · 25/05/2012 19:22

Women use sex as a bargaining tool even in marriage!

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 25/05/2012 19:26

I'm aware of that, it's not something I'd want to promote as a good idea though.

runningforthebusinheels · 25/05/2012 19:31

Retro - your analogy with the scientologists taking donations would only work if they discriminated on the basis of sex - ie. only taking the money from women. Anyway, scientology isn't exactly comparable to the church of england.

I never use sex as a bargaining tool personally - not when young free & single or in my marriage. I would feel it was somehow debased if I did.

RetroMom · 25/05/2012 19:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

runningforthebusinheels · 25/05/2012 19:36

Always quick with a personal insult aren't you?

RetroMom · 25/05/2012 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

RetroMom · 25/05/2012 19:40

And just because bargaining in marriage isn't right doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I don't see you lot campaigning against it as being distructive in marriage. No, rather hand the blame to the hookers will you!

runningforthebusinheels · 25/05/2012 19:47

Look, if you want me to stop criticising your posts, stop posting utter nonsense. The failure of the church to appoint women bishops is sex discrimination, no matter what strange slant you want to put on it in order to minimise it. The number of women MPs is rubbish in the uk compared to other european countries. You may want to make out this isn't a problem, or it doesn't bother you, but it is just one example of a disproportionate number of men in power (when we apparently have equality now Hmm )

You have insulted many posters in here, had posts deleted, posted rape myths and happy hooker myths and you said you see no difference between mutual consensual sex and prostitution. I'm just debating ideas with you - you resort to such childish retorts like 'off your high horse' and 'you like the sound of your own keys'.

runningforthebusinheels · 25/05/2012 19:49

And I don't blame the hookers - I blame the men that use them. I'm all for criminalising the buying of sex, as plentyof said. And yes, that would include any women using prostitutes.

RetroMom · 25/05/2012 19:54

This has got tedious and I have better things to do than to play round and round the mulberry bush with people indoctrinated by dogma.

Prostitution always ,and always will, be.

And that is fine by me.

You're prone to exaggeration going by what you say about me and my transgressions. You're not debating as much as embellishing truth and pushing dogma.

It's discrimination in religion yes, but it's not by law. And you refuse to pick the scales from your eyes and admit that a choice has been made by the woman herself to join a religion that rejects her as an equal.

RetroMom · 25/05/2012 19:55

Well, you haven't won that fight yet. Keep fighting. The opposition will too. I'm off to put up my feet.

MissFaversham · 25/05/2012 20:18

Blimey, how did we get on to religion? Grin

MissFaversham · 25/05/2012 20:32

Some women can go into the sex trade to do the same as a man does and exploit them. I don't see it as "poor us" I see it as "Here comes another poor sod" Most of the time I find it a pathetic weakness in a lot of men and tend to roll my eyes.

Of course I'm spitting feathers where a young girl is used and abused.

You only have to look at the Katie Price and Pete Andre situation. She's a savvy girl, he married her knowing what she was and tried to change her, it weren't happening. Look at "nice" Pete and that harlot.. Cracks me up. She has used her assets and did what she wanted to do, exploited all the idiots and become a very rich lady too boot.

Pete Andre however is a twit.

Once again I do have a bit of a gripe with people that think women need to be saved and they only do risque things because they "have to"