men who got to prostitutes

[jake42]

Hello .
ive been reading all the threads on here about guys who visit escorts/ prostitutes/ whores etc , and i know im probably going to be called all sorts of names as its mainly a womans site, but i thought id write and tell my tale.

42 year old male , married for some 15 years, adore my wife and child and my family life . i want to get old with her .
just after our marriage one evening after sex ,whilst cuddling in bed , she says ive been thinking, we dont have to do sex, we love each other , lets live together like a brother and sister ! WTF im thinking, whats bought this on, nothing i could say or do would change her mind, we had sex very infrequently after , mainly to try for a baby. once said baby was born , she obviously was tired most of the time and eventually moved into the spare room blaming tiredness and my snoring (i do snore, but not that bad) . that was around 10 years ago and is still there now. We may of had sex 6 or 7 times since, im never allowed the pleasure of oral sex either way ,sex is always at my request, but always with the feeling that she just wants me to come and finish.
i adore her and cant imagine life without her, but the thought of no sex or hardly any doesnt appeal to me at all.
so after being knocked back one time too many i visited a site where Escort girls advertised and agreed to meet one .
i have been discreetly seeing different ones for around 5 years, always take every precaution and making sure my wife does not catch anything.
im basically between a rock and a hard place, i need to have sex , my wife doesnt, we love each other , i dont want to leave her , she , i assume doesnt want us to split up . but i cant imagine life for another 30 yrs with out sexual contact. i kind of figure that paying for it off a prostitute is better than having an affair, which as i love my wife would be out of the question.
i would be glad if anyone out there could perhaps in someway give me some advice . oh and im not a woman hater , i adore female company more than male .

Wine, I did mean you could ve be self employed in other field (trade, sales), there is nothing wrong with estate agents really! there aer liars of course, but generally they are ok, or you could be in rentals . But anything to do with people related you could do. Glad you aer thinking of a new small business. The problem is not just this BF in particular - he accepted it but the whole thing really narrows your choices of partners, doesn't it? I think if things don't work out with the BF you ewill have to learn to lie to new men, which will broade the choice and as you sound like a nice person why should you be defined by the job! but I get the feeling that you don't like lying, well that's another dilemma this kind of work brings. My point is it's not a job to be promoted, is it, even if some people in it aer doing reasonably ok emotionally/mentally. Or do you not agree?

People just dont' give a shit about women being raped in prostitution basically. As long as there is one woman claiming she enjoys it, then all the harm and the destruction can be ignored.

by the way that wasn't some nasty joke (just realised how it may sound), I meant rentals agents don't have to lie really.

what 'people' Nyac - most do see the harm, many if not most men too actually, at least in the UK.

Well, winegogglesI guess your post on giving your dp the green light to see escorts, explains why maybe you can do your job. You have a totally different mindset to me and many other people in a committed relationship.

I can totally separate love and sex, or should I say, I did once when I was single. I could quite easily have sex with no love. However, once I made a life with my dp that changed. And for him too. It wouldnt matter if he was working away from me for long periods or not. Again, it's all about this myth that men can't survive without sex. Plenty do and although it may not be ideal, it happens and they don't explode. Anyway, even my dp was away from me for long periods and sex was seldom, through no fault of mine, then I would not say it was ok to shag a prostitute!. If he had difficulties controlling himself , then i would bin him off!

To me, allowing someone to shag a prostitute rather than properly cheat sounds more about their insecurities and desperation to hang onto them at any cost.

I think it's weird that people are fawning over the happy hooker narrative whilst ignoring the elephant in the room

I also think its weird that people cannot understand that there are perfectly mentally stable women that choose to go into prostitution.

NYAC Your quotes quite clearly are not of this variety.

Because assessing the mental health of women in prostitution is what really matters. As long as we can spot the balanced women in prostitution that's the most important thing.

What about all the women and girls being exploited raped and abused in prostitution. What about all the men raping, exploiting and absuing women and girls in prostitution?

When massive human rights abuses are taking place, why the extreme effort to find the ones who aren't being hurt and use them to obscure all those who are being harmed?

MissF they may be stable but their cutting their life/personal choices in more than half to compare with other women! As I mentioned, it's hard for them to find a genuine commited partner, without being able to completely hide their past - unless their stint in this work was very brief. It's alaso not developing other careers and relying on their bodies to earn. Most still do not cope well mentally. it's still harmful to some degree to all.

Nyac, Im not making an extreme effort to find one's who aren't, all I'm saying is they do exist.

I am hearing what you say Like but then that's assuming all women want a partner.

Therefore it's not still harmfull to all, most maybe, but not all.

I've never said they don't. What I want to know is why their happy hooker experiences outweigh all the rape and exploitation that exists in prostitution. The women who enjoy prostitution are a minority, so why use them as the lead on an approach to prostitution.

Women and girls are being raped, trafficked and exploited every day by men to support this industry. It's what the industry is founded on. The sex industry needs to be destroyed. The women who experience prostitution as just like any other job, can go and get other jobs. It clearly isn't any skin off their noses.

Again, they can pick a variety on casual sex dating sites - I don't know why don't they, maybe jus ttoo much effort or lack of confidence (a worker won't reject him they think, but that's not quite true for repeat visits).

Tonneofbricks, it seems the reason men see ladies like me rather than a ?civilian? woman is that emotional affairs, or even those that are supposed to be only about sex, are prone to getting very messy, and there?s always the risk that the OW will tell the wife. There?s also the risk that the man will fall for the OW, but boundaries are so carefully laid down with prostitution that the emotional risks are minimised; a nice time can be had by both people but emotions are left at my door when they leave and not taken home. Also, as a sex worker I take my sexual health very seriously (as do many); after all, even if I didn?t care at all I wouldn?t be able to work and earn money if I got ill would I. With the best intentions in the world it would be easier for a civilian woman to end up having unprotected sex with a married man, but there?s no way many escorts would. Bareback is considered a massive no-no amongst many in the business.

Nyac what you have quoted is one side of the industry, the worst of it, but it?s one side. It is the side that is always mentioned by the anti-prostitution lobby (fair enough), but they will ignore the other facets such as ladies like me because it is incongruent with their beliefs. This is simply unbalanced. What you quoted is awful in so many ways, and that is why it?s illegal, but what I do isn?t illegal for a reason. Life is not black and white so try opening your mind a little.

People just dont' give a shit about women being raped in prostitution basically. As long as there is one woman claiming she enjoys it, then all the harm and the destruction can be ignored
What nonsense Nyac. Just because there are other facets to prostitution other than the one you mention, and people inform you that there is more than the stereotype, it does not mean people don?t care.

'Right back at you SF. This is how you behave. You obviously can't stand the fact that someone has a different set of opinions to you, so you continually bash away at the fact I even hold mine. It's not an argument against them, it's just your outrage that someone dares to think differently to you.

If you've got an argument against what I said, then say it. Stop having a go at me.'

The opinions that you hold are damaging. You spend your days proclaiming that men as a group are dangerous within society, you spread fear and misandry wherever you go. You seem to forget that I have sons, you seem to forget that every time you speak in a derogatory way about men you are referring to my sons.

I have as much right to voice my opinions in as vehement and forthright a way as you do.

I am not outraged that you hold a different view to me, I am outraged by what your views are.

In an ideal world the sex industry would be destroyed but due to human nature it would just go even further underground.

I'd rather see it being licenced and controlled.

Agree with you there MissFaversham. It's incredibly short-sighted to assume that making prostitution/lap dancing clubs/brothels/paying for sex illegal, will stop it all. Ridiculous assumption.

I fear people like Nyac has such a misunderstanding of men that she neatly boxes and files all men away as horrible and nasty patriarchs who should be put in their place, they must be defeated as if they were some evil dictator who subjugates and rapes. I've not heard or seen as much misandry as I have from her.

I also fear that the "campaigners" have got their little script down to a fine pat that they will not even contemplate the other side of the story from the very girls who are telling them truthfully what being an escort/whore is like. It doesn't fit with their script, so it is mocked and dismissed and the girls are written off as mentally unstable, majorly flawed or in denial. When in fact it is she who is in denial that the world of sex is NOT the cesspool of debauchery she likes to portrays, but actually a small release for some men who seek nothing more than a warm body and comfort. In Nyac's eyes they have to be RAPISTS.

And I'm wondering why, if she's not a man hating raving feminist who sees men as the enemy to be defeated, why that is?

Wine, there aer sites for married people (on both sides) where they aer only after sex, and there are just lost of non-monogamists who don't want to stay with one partner. Women who go on these sites are definetely not looking for emotional affairs as then they'd go elsewhere. It's not likely a married man who wants to stayin his marriage but wants sex , will fall in love with a casual dater - why is it more likely than with a sex worker? if you mean men don't fall inlove with promiscuous women then it'sthe same with casual 'civilian' women. Love is generally rare, if anything more likely to happen at his work with long standing colleague or something like that. but I agree that it's easier for a man, 'no hassle' potemtially, but tbh it's just laziness taking over moral issues of buying a woman (even if consenting). It's a complex subject, and yes MissF some women don't want a partner but doesn't imply they ve lost trust /interest in men fo some unhealthy reason? Yes, we all know there aer exceptions with extra high libido, cant be monogamous but then why not just sleep around. I did say 'to some degree' harmful to all - different degrees to different prostitutes, I already pinted out some issues Wine may have due to this work (and she does want a partner - very limited choice with that) even though she's relatively happy..

Brothels and lap dancing clubs are totally illegal in the middle east. Yet brothels and belly dancing clubs are all over the place. And, for such a religiously restricted nation child abuse within the community is hushed up but rife! Proof that legislation against does not eradicate a problem. It simply pushes it under ground.

But I guess when it's under ground you can deny the existence of it.

I also find it funny that some woman find it perfectly ok for other woman to be sexually free and to sleep around with whomever they may take there fancy on that night, just don't charge him for it.

It doesn't make sense!

RetroMom I agree with many of your points about many men being weak/needy/desperate rather than evil rapists, but that 'warm body and comfort' are not genuinely given to them, don't men care about that? Some do of course, those who don't like paying for sex (apart from anything moral). they have to pay for a woman to provide otherwise she wouldn't do it. I don't see men as enemy, I think there is equal number of vile inconsiderate wives/women who didn't marry for love. but thankfully we do have a divorce option now. I suppose there aer single lonely men who no one desires, but is it fair that sex workers should get those possibly very unpleasant specimens? generally single guys have a lot of options now, and the married ones have a few options. That what makes me anti-prostitution, the options that everyone now has - casual sex, marriage, open marriage, divorce, serial monogamy. I can see why sex work was inevitable in old times with no sex before marriage, no divorce, but why now with all the democracy around? it's an anachronism, and otherwise a money maker for the pimps/madames, which is vile. Yes, there are happy-ish hookers, with the emphasis on -ish (would they reccommend the job to their daughter?) mature ones but they are really not the majority. Just for the sake of those and some few men who are genuinely stuck for medical reasons (or are too unplesant) it's not worth it to support the industry.

Bricks, your post is no good aimed at me. You should ask the girls who do the work. Like I explained, I was forced into prostitution as a child. I have spent my entire adult life learning to recognise good men from bad. I've had a fair few bad relationships with evil, horrible men. It was only when I got divorced and lived on my own for 6 years that I learned to value myself and realised my own self worth. Once I made that realisation I found that I was attracting nicer men than I was before when my head was still so full of conflict. My DP is the nicest, caring, understanding man I could have ever hope to meet. We have a relationship straight from a mills and boons script. I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

But....

Him and I had a discussion last night, spurred on by this thread, because he relates to Jake's sexless marriage. During that conversation I had to confess that if anything went wrong in our relationship, God forbid, I would not look for another relationship, I would only look for sex. And if I can get paid to have sex with men I don't particularly want to keep anyway, I would want to be paid. It beats sex toys!! Sex toys can't interact back. They can't love me either, but they can make me feel good, for a moment. So why not men who pay cash? He's an economist. I think he saw the sense in what I was saying.

I mean of course men who use mature workers like Wine, not young desperate girls.

Retro, but if the man saw that you faniced him, why would he want to pay you? (if you had extra 'marital' sex). He wouldn't see economic sense in paying money would he, if you would WANT to have sex with him.

I wouldn't sleep with him unless he paid me. I wouldn't even have to fancy him. If I simply fancied a shag and he wasn't nasty or a threat I don't see why we should not reach an agreement of sex for cash.

When I was single and fancied a shag I shagged my vibrator. I didn't fancy it. I simply wanted to be fucked. If a man wanted to fuck me and pay me and I wanted to be fucked, I'm taking the cash and offering my body to him, within reason.

That is all hypothetical though, but it is how I truly feel.

Retro Mum. I think what you are failing to appreciate here is the issue of power and position.

Western society, and even more so Middle Eastern society is a deeply patriarchial institution. Women don't have the same power and position in society as men do. this applies even more so to their choice and number of sexual partners. The playing field simply isn't even. Once you add money into the equation the the power imbalance gets even worse.

I have no problem with women sleeping around with whoever they wish. If women are free to pick and choose their own partners without fear of censure then they are being treated as equal members of society. After all, men are allowed to sleep with whomever they wish. You only have to briefly peruse the tabloid and popular press in this country to see that any woman who chooses to sleep with whomever they like, whenever they like and as many times as they like are pilloried. The social rules governing female sexuality are vast, the ones for men seem to be only "don't get caught raping" and even then (see Ched whatisname the footballer, Julian Assange and Dominique Strauss Khan) they are forgiven and the woman is blamed.

Prostitution feeds this culture. It explicitly paints women as rentable meat wrapped around a vagina. Now if you are happy to be considered in that way, that's your right. But that attitude, the one you help to perpetuate, damages me, my daughter, my friends, my family and all women. every wolf whistle, every unwanted grope, every sexual comment, every sexual assault stems from this culture. Economics be dammned.