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Original poster

alarm bell just rang in my head

196 replies

OnlyWantsOneTwoAndThree · 12/05/2012 10:05

and now I cant shake it

what the actual fuck :(

I posted the other day about him changing his plans

any way.... last night, he gets in at 1am, and today he's gone out again to do some thing which is totally out of character for him to do (involves motorbikes, he has never paid any interest in bikes before)

We moved house 5 weeks ago, since then he's been out 2/3 times a week with work, drinks here, quiz nights etc im never asked out on these things which is fine, but last night he went to this black tie dinner at a big hotel, and i know partners went - he never asked me to accompany him and have a night out :(

3 weeks ago I wanted to phone his sister and tried to get in his phone (he has a pass code on it, which he had told me) but he had changed it, and when I asked him about it he said his blackberry had encouraged him to change it, then he changed the subject, but that would be the first time in over a year he has changed his passcode... he didnt say "oh yeah, its now blah blah"

now I have these doubts, its all I can think of.

im 7 months PG with baby number 3... oh

OP posts:
Original poster
OnlyWantsOneTwoAndThree · 13/05/2012 16:19

he didnt have time to do any thing to his phone, he handed it straight to me

more talking is needed tonight I feel, cant keep letting this drift.

Ive told him how sad he is making me, that I would rather leave than be told the "well I'll just pay the mortgage" crap again & that if im that much of a burden I shall happily have the CSA calculate £ for 3 kids, and will go and find a house of my own - I read the email he sent to his boss about the walk today too, which he sent last night, saying that he doesnt want to miss out on a day at home with his kids because I wasnt coming, so will be giving it a rain check

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/05/2012 16:25

how do you feel about being made responsible for micro-managing his behaviour towards you, love ?

Original poster
OnlyWantsOneTwoAndThree · 13/05/2012 16:28

I told him its not my job, im not his mum fgs, hes old enough to know when he's being a dick

i think he means that i shouldnt keep my mouth shut, which is what i did about friday night

OP posts:
clam · 13/05/2012 16:29

But you asked him about the password a day or two ago and he bought himself some time by spouting that rubbish about Blackberry recommending he change it. Now he's removed any evidence he can hand it over to you, seemingly straightaway.

Original poster
OnlyWantsOneTwoAndThree · 13/05/2012 16:32

no, i asked him when i realised it was changed, 3ish weeks ago - not today

he would have to of been very unlike him to of gone through his phone and deleted every scrap of evidence as i went through the whole thing

OP posts:
Original poster
OnlyWantsOneTwoAndThree · 13/05/2012 16:32

im not going to defend him actually, hes made me feel fucking terrible, and this is our last chance to sort out this stuff or I will go, simple.

OP posts:
AnAirOfHope · 13/05/2012 16:37

Great so its all sorted then. Do you feel better?

AnyFucker · 13/05/2012 16:44

you gave him plenty of warning about the Blackberry, love

AnyFucker · 13/05/2012 16:46

this thread must be horrible for you, mate

it is testament to you that you are still here with us, tbh

I have seen many other OP's huff off when they didn't get the answers they wanted on MN (only to slink back a few days/weeks/months later with more of the same shit)

he doesn't really deserve you, you know x

fiventhree · 13/05/2012 16:51

You might want to ask him to explain since when mobile phone networks offered advice on password changes.

I discussed your situation with my own reformed cheating h last night, as it had some resemblances to mine previously. He is himself a reformed master manipulator re passwords etc (had me fooled for years re increasingly technical computer and phone niceties) , and he pointed the impossibility of your h's phone explanation out to me. He is a bit of a gadget geek himself, so I trust his judgement on this one.

The only way he needed a password change is if his firm make a rule about it. But why now, after a year?

It is possible, isnt it, that he was more cautious after you asked about the password changes or the first conversation yesterday. Or even just because in the meantime, he became worried, or he came to his senses?

AnyFucker · 13/05/2012 16:55

five your H could be an absolute boon on threads like this

tell him I said that Wink

fiventhree · 13/05/2012 16:57

By the way, my h even used to leave his history intact and selectively delete, and also use private browsing. So he would certainly have selectively deleted phone messages if he needed to.

Im not saying he has. Im just saying it is SO EASY to think yourself bright and capable, and someone who puts up with no nonsense, agrees womens right etc, and still get fooled. It happened to me.

Someone said to you this morning that you may have laid down the law, but what did he say? It really resonated with me, that. I used to do that- think I was straight talking, and not notice how careful he was to manipulate the situation by drawing me out, so he could respond accordingly. Your h is trained in this, too, isnt he, if he goes to court?

missgrohl · 13/05/2012 17:07

i have read this thread and while im no expert i dont think he is cheating....i think hes a twat and i think he is a liar....he sounds like my hubby....he lies by omission all the time, he thinks if he doesnt tell me things it s not lying.....i always find out...probably wrong but i check his phone computor even his friends FB pages ....not all the time just sometimes...ive found out so much some of it quite pathetic i dont know why he does it he knows i always find out...hes like a naughty schoolboy.....hes big, mucsley,tattoed thinks hes hard but i can read him like a book.....im the strong one cos i catch him out and bring it up in front of his mates, who all laugh.....i honestly think they think hes a knob too,,,,,,,once u have had ur baby, u may feel different, but keep him on a leash at the mo just to be on the safe side ...best of luck

stuffitunderthebed · 13/05/2012 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tribpot · 13/05/2012 20:37

Plus, get yourself booked into the next available craft fair. Or if there isn't one before you're due, make sure you take a lovely few hours to yourself next weekend. Buying new crafty supplies always lifts the spirits in my view :)

GingerBlondecat · 14/05/2012 06:26

What about your craft fair.? whats his excuse and how is he going to make it up to you ?

GingerBlondecat · 14/05/2012 06:27

Why didn't he ask You to the black tie event ?

StealthPolarBear · 14/05/2012 06:33

Actually now I think about it a guy at work told me his phone suddenly (after a year or 2) asked for a password change and changing it caused no emd of problems. Is it a work phone?

ToothbrushThief · 14/05/2012 06:47

My phone asks for password changes after about a year. I'm not having an affair fat chance

I tbh think the OP sounds like a strong character who will not take any shit but has been giving DH a bit of rope hoping he recognises he needs to be more supportive.

He has failed because tbh we all like a bit of pampering and he's pampered himself. Hmm I hope you have kicked his arse enough to help him see that you are a team and he needs to act like he's working as a member of the team

PooPooInMyToes · 14/05/2012 13:14

Wow! Is this the first time on a thread where people have called "affair" and it isn't!?

(assuming no developments)

Original poster
OnlyWantsOneTwoAndThree · 14/05/2012 13:21

hope so PooPoo, he's just having a wobble apparently

rather random update for you

had a phone call from some woman from a local "venue" place, it would appear DP had been talking to them over the last 3 weeks to discuss our wedding, and she wanted to know if I had some one helping me sort out hairdresser / make up or should she suggest some that she uses regularly.

OP posts:
fiventhree · 14/05/2012 13:32

Well, fair play, that seems encouraging and possibly not the actions of a cheater!

PooPooInMyToes · 14/05/2012 13:51

That's good! Do venues sort out that stuff then?

[not a clue emoticon]

Original poster
OnlyWantsOneTwoAndThree · 14/05/2012 14:23

well, this organiser woman chatted on about bloody jimmy choos for 15 minutes while i stood here in muddle wellies, so i dont think we are singingfrom the same song sheet on that one Hmm

she can recommend people that they use, florists etc

OP posts:
garlicfucker · 14/05/2012 14:32

Just to note that my XH was brilliantly involved with our wedding plans, while still pursuing extracurricular interests ...

And why has he hired a chattering, shoe-obsessed wedding planner? Did you not know about this?

Hmm
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