alarm bell just rang in my head

[OnlyWantsOneTwoAndThree]

and now I cant shake it

what the actual fuck :(

I posted the other day about him changing his plans

any way.... last night, he gets in at 1am, and today he's gone out again to do some thing which is totally out of character for him to do (involves motorbikes, he has never paid any interest in bikes before)

We moved house 5 weeks ago, since then he's been out 2/3 times a week with work, drinks here, quiz nights etc im never asked out on these things which is fine, but last night he went to this black tie dinner at a big hotel, and i know partners went - he never asked me to accompany him and have a night out :(

3 weeks ago I wanted to phone his sister and tried to get in his phone (he has a pass code on it, which he had told me) but he had changed it, and when I asked him about it he said his blackberry had encouraged him to change it, then he changed the subject, but that would be the first time in over a year he has changed his passcode... he didnt say "oh yeah, its now blah blah"

now I have these doubts, its all I can think of.

im 7 months PG with baby number 3... oh

bloody

The CBT test is generally an all day thing, I still think the fact that he felt the need to lie about it speaks volumes, though.

Another thing, then........

My h said in counselling that he had come to see, through the counselling process, that he used his wok persona at home over time.

ie he used the same tactics and strategy that you might actually need in a job in some situations, but with his wife. He hadnt at the start, but over time, and he didnt admit that to himself. And that he now saw that you never treat your wife as you do people in business.

The counsellor agreed, and said that was a common issue he dealt with alot.

I am with the others that there is an OW - do trust your instincts.

The lying is a huge red flag - those who are in the habit of lying find it easier to have a secret life. Also liars view their needs/wants as being more important and are prepared to lie in order to get their own way. Lying and selfishness are linked and these are typical personality traits in a cheater.

I am not saying anything at all, here

I am saying do some fact-finding of your own

it could still be possible he had cramming lessons and took the test later (but why lie ?)

what I am trying to illustrate is...don't automatically believe a proven liar, because that will be to your detriment (and what five said about how lying demonstrates contempt)

Just say he crammed lessons in all morning. He lied about what time he'd be home.

Still dosent make up for the fact, your plans got ignored for a FYI. He was fully intending to go tomorrow, but has gauged the situation. His phone.

So he is treating you diabolically, ow or not. I suspect your instincts are probably right and your relief at his explanation today will be short lived.

A motorbike? Oh, that's practical for a family of five. So now he's be able to say he's going out for a drive and there is no way for the rest of the family to go with him?

That's a new twist to the usual script.

Just remind him that A&E consultants refer to motorcyclists as "organ donors".

What a cock.

well yes, middle aged fuckwit on a bike comes to mind

I predict all-day motorbike jaunts to fuck-knows-where (and of course no way to involve the rest of the family)

wake up, OP

Room for OW riding pillion, though. :(

I may be wrong. But it think op is so relieved she can explain today and can put aside those doubts until the next time.

That she hasn't thought about this new bike "hobby" and the many excuses it's going to give him to dump the family.

he used his work persona at home - Yep, 5n3, my ex and I BOTH did that! Didn't help that we met through work, I guess. Trouble is, I was sales and my work persona was all understanding, problem-solving and pleasing. He was a buyer whose 'negotiation' style was pure aggression, offering the least possible and refusing to budge. Sums us up, really :(

A solicitor, now, would be all dotted 'i's, sub-clauses, burdens of proof and verbal entrapment, wouldn't he?

I hope OP is ok, I get the impression she regrets starting this thread (or at least not nc'ing)

only don't run away from us, you need only take from this thread what you find helpful

or let it die, and come back with another one if you need to x

Lol nooooo he's not getting a proper bike. He's getting a 50cc moped to get him to train station and back for commute as I told him im not his taxi any more.

Aw, bless! :)

Take your time, sweetie, but do keep focusing on how much YOU feel HE'S putting into you and your family ... not money, the stuff that matters. Hammer it out on here, if it helps? And have a nice evening!

When did he pass his test, OP? According to the DVLA he wouldn't need a course if he qualified before 2001.

No no AF not running away. He's being a shit. He's asked why I'm not my normal self this evening and I've said it's because I'm fucked of with being treated like a door Matt. He looked all at me. I've told him we will be discussing his shitness and he had until the kids go to bed to prepare himself for me reading him the riot act as I don't want to see his fucking kicked puppy face he does

Girls I did the cbt for moped, it takes all day because the training and 'test' is all done same day. Also, I did it on a saturday- their busiest day tbh

Also if he was out knobbing today. He looks like complete shit and he stinks. He didn't have a shower this morning (even after his night out) and is frankly, a rank little teen Ager.

Good for you op!

remember what somebody said, only

don't let your relief at him wriggling off the hook today (despite his lies...erm, why ) fog your brain

keep thinking, keep questioning

for some reason, he ain't treatin' you right

it if it ain't knobbing, he is still being a knob

I don't particularly think he's shagging around, I just think he's a twat.

Good luck with your chat OP