Have a go at Dadslib.... ...pillock!

[dadslib]

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Dadslib - I think that both camps would say - sit down and save it if you can - but that's not always possible so when you have exhausted all posssibilities and know that it'll never work between you - get out - it'll be better for you all at that stage.

I do agree with Twinkie, there, DL, and it looks as if you are going to have to address this seriously. The great thing is that very few men do seem to a)admit it and b)DO something to address it. I wonder if something more targetted than anger management might help? Something more relationship-oreientated?

If you find a cure for swearing PLEASE post it! It IS an issue: I swear much more than DP, I work in a business that has few taboos and people swear a lot. I hate the fact that I swear, I know DP hates it, and I dread passing it on to DS.

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C'mon, DL, you know it isn't o.k, and it certainly isn't good for your relationship...or your son. Re-direct your energy back where it was: looking for a way to STOP arguments deteriorating into fights, rather than justifying it!

Sorry Dadslib, but I don't think many people will think Twinkie is taking a hard line here.

Quite frankly I'm surprised that mumsnetters have not been much more voiciferous in their condemnation of domestic violence. People need to get it firmly into their heads that hitting anyone for whatever reason is a very very very very bad thing to do. There is nothing that can be used as justification, NOTHING!

Clearly neither of you shows much respect for each other and quite frankly IMO you will both be better of without each other. However, given the lack of respect in your relationship I would not have high hopes of an easy split. No doubt DS will continue to be used as a spleen to vent your furies! Poor child - what a start in life!

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The girls are right Dadslib - you do have to stop hitting out - no matter how much she irritates you. Really, you do have to stop that - it'll end in tears and there's no way you can make things better if your frustration with her manifests itself in you getting aggressive with her. There is no excuse for it really. My DP really winds me up sometimes so I'll sream into and bite the pillow if I get pushed to the point where he's driving me insane (this is not often which is good). I drive him mad too and he once threw the alarm clock at the wall in anger. When I asked him why he did it he said so I didn't take it out on you. Hitting a person is not acceptable and perhaps when you can control your temper you may be able to sort out othe problems? I think the hitting is the biggest problem here and you have to do something about it and soon.

Twinkie - its spooky isn't it (and yes those are my real initials) we also live quite near each other, I believe!

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DL, you're making me sea-sick with all this swerving about; being honest that hitting is wrong, and then saying 'unless provoked'. What kind of person is it that you imagine hits WITHOUT 'provocation' exactly? It's how you handle provocation that counts. Even extreme provocation (and remember I'm admitting to having done it...but I cannot in any way excuse or justify it in myself, whatever the 'provocation' has been)is not mitigation: the only justification for violence is self-defence, IMO.

Also, there ARE other v important issues going on, and all need some care and attention: How do you think you are going to broach this with your DW?

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