Have a go at Dadslib.... ...pillock!

[dadslib]

Message withdrawn

Well done Dadslib - I sneaked back on here and thought your last post was great. I look forward to hearing how things are going in a week or sos time. Good luck and remember the amber light, no running a red!!!
BTW - you haven't massively offened me, just wish people would be more PC as it would be a nicer world to live in in my opinion. I'm not offened by Rhubarb using the word coloured - and she's talking about her own brothers so she can say what she likes I suppose, however I don't think coloured, half-cast, cripple and such like words are PC and black, mixed race and disabled (are much fairer descriptions. (although I don't really like that word disabled for my own personal reasons, but it's much better than cripple!).
Anyway - I've gone anbd bloody got sucked in again!!!!!!!

Sarahu - no shooting down in flames going on here, I just wanted to point out in my previous posts that the world would be a nicer place if we all thought more about the words we use to describle people. I can't understand your point about people enjoying being offened tbh - but that's just me. I was happy to discuss the meaning and effect words can have on individuals. I thought your post was great though.

Message withdrawn

I have just wasted nearly an hour reading this thread and it is really hilarious

I can see both sides of the arguments - violence, racism etc - I can see why DL has offended nearly everyone here. However I really feel for him.

To change the context, shall I just put my name in every place that DL has posted? I confess I have hit my dh, he has really wond me up to distraction and yes like a toddler I have lashed out at him. My dh always always leaves his dirty pants and socks around after I have tried everything. I even walked out on him for a few hours as I couldn't calm down over his complete lack of respect for me (ie why should I pick up his bloody socks). Sometimes I do appear to be the controlling one, but to have it thrown back in my face when I have tried to make life easier for dh. (ie I have made sure the girls don't wake him up after a late night, or I arrange to keep out of his hair and let him get on with things. Only to be told 'I didn't ask you to' when I want to have a bath and him have the girls for 1/2hr). I can totally see his misguided humour in describing a councellor. DH and I have discussed going to a councellor, but DH is worried that he will be painted as the culprit and the one in the wrong, since he is the bloke!

So I do totally see all your very valid points about racism, violence etc, but imagine if he was a women posting this, then read some of your responses?

Is it OK for a woman to hit a man - No, I know that, but I admit I have done it. I can also see why I did, I think that is what DL is trying hard to understand.

Bear in mind we have 'a silly, blut, flippant, jovial, fat, ugly, down-to-earth northern lad.' on our hands!!

I'm with Thomcat and M2T et al. I hate the word coloured, though Rhubarb, I defend your right to use it. I just prefer black or mixed race, as coloured reminds me of those ignorant people who don't even know it's OK to use black and haven't been listening (NOT RHUBARB, who with black brothers knows what she's talking about.)
Dadslib, you can say whatever pleases you, but the language you use marks you out. I realise you were trying, and failing, to be tongue in cheek. I think you really meant that your counsellor was middle class, socialist and a bit airy-fairy. I don't know what black lesbians had to do with it, but there we go.

I think you are brave to go into detail about your relationship post kids. DH and I have had fisticuffs lately, initialted by me when driven to destraction, but he wouldn't just hit me out of temper out of the blue. Neither would I. I'd hate for either of us to live in constant fear like that, so I think it's something you need to curb, dadslib, as I hope we have now curbed it. I think sex-lives go to pants after children and you have to try to get away just the two of you more often. Perhaps a break away from each other would do you good too. Don't know what else to suggest yet, but I'll be thinking.
Good luck.

Crystaltips, I do see what you mean, but dadslib answers, you can have dialogue with him, whereas with SS, it's not a conversation, it's like talking to yourself.

Would just like to say that DL has just been absolutely sweet - and sensitive- to me on another thread. Thank you

I know... I wasn't going to add anymore.
But Droile don't you see that 'middle class' and 'socialist' are also on the list of pc 'not to be uttered'. They are, to a lot of people, class and politically discriminatory in no less a fashion than DL's comments.
But you didn't mean them to be , did you?
Good luck to DL. I hope he has the motivation to change and make Mrs. lib proud to be his wife.

Dadslib the most obvious things that springs to mind from your posts is that you have no respect for women. I havent taken offence at anything you have put so not saying it for that reason, but because it clearly comes across in all that you have written. To be honest until you learn to treat a woman as an equal and gain respect for them you are unlikely to have a satisfactory relationship. At the moment you expect to be in charge in your relationship and it just doesnt work Im afraid, you should work together not against each other.

norma, I do understand what you meant about middleclass and socialist and I agree, I'm just saying that there are less offensive ways of trying to describe the counsellor dadslib came across. I once went to see a counsellor with a very OTT plummy accent. When I later described her manner and all the irritating things she said to me and the reasons why I hadn't liked her, I managed to do it without once mentioning her accent, her class, her gender, race or politics. I just seemed to do it by describing the bollocks she'd spoken and the way she'd treated me as if I was 6. Funny that, isn't it? I seemed to manage.

The main difference for me CrystalTips is that SS appeared out of nowhere while Dadslib has been contributing to MumsNet since the Summer.

Now that I've started, I just want to say that I wasn't offended by your remarks Dadslib (I heard that sharp tongue of yours slip into your cheek) but sometimes I do despair of you! You've posted here for long enough to know what would happen.

As for the violence thing, and you're right we do keep harping on about it, but I don't think you realise how shocking the idea actually is to many of us.

My parents were both brought up in a violent environment - hit in school, hit at home, watched their mothers being hit and they both decided to break the cycle in their home. My parents never hit, never shouted, never treated each other with anything but complete respect. I expect the same treatment from my DH and I married a man who I felt would treat me that way. I'm not expressing this well. But I guess the point that I am trying to make is that violence is not inevitable or understandable to many of us.

P.S. I also think you are very brave to stick your head above the parapet!

Some people are not so eloquent and some people are not so educated. Some people have no idea that they are being offensive. Some people may take extreme offence to the word 'bollocks'.
It's a minefield isn't it!

Yup - sorry - just asking the question ... have looked at DLs reponses on other threads and he seems to be alot less contentious.

My view is that MN needs a bit of "colour" every so often - so long as we are not getting personal

just wanted to congratulate DL for managing not to swear in his last post...

Hang on a minute dadslib your comment
"you clearly have contempt for me etc etc" did I have contempt for you this morning when replying to your main post, sorry but I dont think so.Even though I have been a victim of DV myself I tried my best, without judging you, to give you advice and help from the domestic violence program if you wanted it.
I could of slagged you off but didnt.

The OCD comment was a serious one as I noticed that you were doing things my sister did (she has OCD)re the towels and washing liquid.

As for my swearing it was the deragatory comments esp "cripple" that got to me.It wasnt nice.I would like you to go and read the SN threads on this board and just realise how much hurt that can cause to some people on here.

As for my work what has that got to do with you???
And as far as I am aware I have never known you to make a deragatory comment on where I live so I have no idea where you are coming from there.

Dadslib, I think you and your DW needs to spend some time apart. Sometimes a couple need some time apart to remember why they are together and to feel what it is like to miss the other person. It's seems like you are stuck in a vicious circle and some time apart could help break that. All those little things which really irritates you, like her wet towels on the floor, are really symptoms of bigger issues. I also sometimes get annoyed when I see my DH's dirty socks on the floor. Before I always used to pick a fight with him, but now I bite my tongue. It's so much easier to just pick them up than spend hours arguing. I might seem a bit over-the-top here, but life is really too short to be unhappy in your family-life. Too many people take eachother for granted and argue over little things. I have known too many people who have lost their loved ones very suddenly and too young. I don't won't to sound morbid, but one day she might not be there and you find yourself missing those wet towels on the floor. I obviously don't walk around thinking about death all day, but both with my children and Dh, I am far too aware that one day it might end. I try to enjoy my moments and refuse to spend time on stupid destructive arguments.

I think dadslib is either stupid or deliberately provocative. No one can be that dumb, surely.

Also, I think you need a to be a bit more pc on an internet site like this one. I totally understand what you meant and I also understand where Norma is coming from. However, those kind of things don't look very good written down. IMO it's fine to be non-pc in private with people who know you and who knows you. It's totally different to assume that all Mumsnetters will take it in the way it was meant. Remember there are people from around the world here and with totally different backgrounds and sense of humour....

2 days worth of mnetters getting their thongs in a twist eh dadslib you beat the shit outta me and M2T thats fer sure!

well i know what the issue is in your marriage and in your attitude in general....work on this and things will be ok

and dont take this litteral or 'owt you fat heart attack waitin to happen northern uncultured uncouth ill educated ego trippin' " i am always right" wife beatin knob

the issue is respect.

bollocks to all this PC bullshit. think RESPECT. if you respect the people around you think a little of their feelings you might not do or say the things you do.

you call it pc

i call it respect.

i wouldnt appreciate someone refering to me as that fat whitetrash northern bird.

i may well be. but i am so much more and its disrespectful to refer to me that way.

i wouldnt appreciat my husband hitting me becuase it shows a distinct lack of respect.

and with great respect.......i think you AND your wife have lost respect for each other

there take that and stop your lips flappin. your not always right y know ya great northern twot

bet your from yorkshire......too many sheep thats the prob

LOL Custy! Ooooh I take offence at EVERYTHING you just said you southern shandy drinking sheep sh*er!
Sorry if the word 'coloured' offends anyone here. Do you know how we used to describe my brother? As mentally subnormal - shock horror! This was in the late 70's early 80s when PC simply didn't exist. It made no difference to the way he was treated at all, and we had no idea that the description was at all offensive!

So much time is wasted picking carefully the words used to describe someone that the initial point you are trying to make is completely lost! I never for a moment thought the word 'coloured' would now be offensive, I thought black was more offensive but there you go! It is rather silly you have to agree! None of us on here are being deliberately offensive, DL has a habit of putting his foot in his mouth, well so do I, live and let live is what I say!

And I actually do agree that it's probably a Northern thing - we simply have no scruples, the uncooth whippet-loving cap-wearing stout-drinking mouthies that we are!

oh God I detest pc, its just another form of fascism from the fascistic extreme lefties who go so far round the circle they end up being Nazis.

Yes, but it might be a good idea to differentiate between the language you use and things you say down the pub with mates and on an internet site. Surely that's possible even if you are from the North?

OOh FM "even if you are from the north"