Have a go at Dadslib.... ...pillock!

[dadslib]

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written words on a message thread are not the same as verbal insults designed to hurt an individual. I think we all agree really,as I said it's just a matter of context.
I won't say anymore.

Of course you'd see red - the words are offensive arn't they Norma. No homour to be found in them at all. Point made I think.

lets start an new thread dadslib
the very fact that people are still posting on here means that they do want to help you out

Agree - enough now! But before the subject is changed, I feel I ought to 'come out' and say I kind of agree with Norma. I too wasn't particularly offended by the "lesbian / man hateing / black /social worker" type description - not because I harbour any of these prejudices nor am a card carry member of the BNP, but DL did prefix his comments with 'dont take this literally'.....Also I knew what he meant by his explanation that this was a tongue in cheek,'comedy stylee' description more in the spirit of Lenny Henry (who incidentally parodies rastafarians) than in the spirit of Bernard Manning (who is a noxious bastard)

I think Dadslib has had some great advice and now has to put things into action, starting with waiting a bit longer at the amber light! When he's digested all the advice and has spoken to his wife and a week has gone by - come back and tell us how you are getting on with things and if you need some more advice then I'm sure there are many mumsnetters, me included, that would be happy to try and offer some help. But please DL - please try and work on thinking about what you say and how you say it. I think it might make a large difference to your life.

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It isn't that 'lesbian' is an insult, to a lamb or anyone else! It's that you appeared to dis the capabilities of a counsellor by using the stereotype of a lesbian etc etc.

Exactly Blu!

DL can you honestly not see how that would offend? Or perhaps not offend, but can you at least appreciate that its wrong to use that as a reason for them not being your counsellor???

If not... then your problems need alot more work!

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Thats right DL... you dodge around the issue that Blu pointed out.... and blame it on everyone else for being too sensitive!

ARE YOU SEEING A PATTERN HERE DL??? EVERYONE ELSE CAN'T BE WRONG!

YOU thought it was funny.... therefore you won't look at it any other way.... very control freaky!

Blut?
Now THERE's an insult I like!

(but is it derived from Blu...oh no...)

Don't want this to be pointless sophistry..or divert from your original problems, but you make me feel as if you are trying to cajole us into seeing your point of view, while not at all trying to see it from ours. We DO see your point of view, we just don't agree, or always like it. I do think it is worth looking at communication in your marraige.

How much of this thread would your DW recognise? How many people's shoes would she fill?

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Hope all goes well. The Nosey One

Dadslib I cant believe that I wasted my fucking time giving you any advice after what you have been saying here.
What has fat, ugly, black lesbians and cripples got to do with this subect.
FUCK ALL as usual.
I have tried to help in a serious way (OCD comment was serious)but you are taking the piss now and offending alot of people on here.

I really do wish you well. Let us know.
Take care...

C'mon guys, lighten up! I have 2 coloured brothers, one of whom has severe learning difficulties and a nephew with Downs, I'm not in the least offended by what DL has said, other than the violence towards his wife bit. DL has a way of writing exactly what he is thinking and his words can be taken the wrong way, but we must all remember that the way it comes across on the 'Net is not necessarily the way that it is meant to be taken. I have been accused on MN of being racist too, I felt no need to divulge my personal circumstances then, I thought that if people were to jump to silly conclusions then I would let them.

DL came on here and quite bravely admitted to a site full of women that he sometimes hits out at his wife. He wants help and criticism doesn't help. If DL were to leave MN some of you might feel better, but where would that leave him and his wife? Or does it not matter so long as we don't know about it?

DL - you might scoff at anger management, but I think it would help your wife if she saw you at least trying to do something about your behaviour rather than just saying "I tried that" or "That won't work". If not anger management then ask your doctor if you can see a Community Psychiatric Nurse who might be able to pinpoint the problem. Because you do have a problem and you need to sort it out, no-one else can do that for you. The world is not full of stereotypes, I've had 2 CPNs for my 2 pregnancies and both have been very intelligent, down-to-earth people. I did get a woman who tried to give me relaxation tips that I didn't like, she was all new-age and hippyish and just got my back up. But I said I didn't want to continue with that anyway.

You do sound like a bit of a control freak. My dh hates the way I open letters and leave them lying around for ages, and I take things out of carrier bags and leave the carrier bags on the floor, and I don't empty the washing machine, etc, etc. I hate the way he shoves all the washing in the sink so you have to take it all out again to fill it, and when he washes his hands he leaves the muck all over the sink and doesn't do a good job anyway as he leaves black marks on the towels. There are loads of niggly things that bug us in relationships. But part of being in a relationship is accepting that person, warts and all, I'm sure you know that. By expecting her to conform to your standards all the time you are being out of order. That little thing that triggers your anger implies that something bigger is underlying this, and that's where professional help comes in.

You said you would take action, I hope you keep to that promise! "I'm sorry" only works so many times, you have to change not only your behaviour but your outlook too.

I have been following this since the beginning.

Good luck with everything Dadslib and I hope that you can sort it all out. For what it's worth, I wasn't particularly offended by anything you said either - I interpreted it in exactly the way that you intended it. And before anyone criticises I am NOT racist/homophobic/bigoted/sexist or anything else.

As you say the atmosphere is sometimes highly charged - but I can't help feeling that some people almost enjoy being offended........after all, if they were really that grossly offended they would just log off and not come back, rather than wasting even more time arguing about things (NOT that I think MN is a waste of time, I don't I think it's fab). I don't mean any offense to anyone at all by typing this, and I'm not aiming it at anyone in particular - just a very general comment (which doesn't only apply to this thread by any means).

Surely we should all just be able to take everything with a pinch of salt. Communicating like this is never easy and, even with the best will in the world and trying your hardest not to offend people, you can never predict how someone will interpret what you have written. Even the most innocuous (sp) message could be misinterpreted by someone depending on how they are feeling.

Not everyone is able to express themselves well in writing - maybe DL is one of these people (no offense DL ) though I have to say he seems pretty eloquent to me.

I don't often post I tend to lurk a lot. I just wanted to put my tuppence in. I'm amazed at how many people get offended so easily over things that weren't even aimed at them! DL has taken huge amounts of abuse and all he did was come in here for some help.

I don't condone what he does (hitting) - though I sometimes find myself in similar situation; DH and I can wind each other up SO MUCH sometimes. I confess that I have hit him and he has hit me (though it is usually me first ). However I don't feel that this makes me a battered wife, nor does it make my DH a wife-beater. It doesn't happen very often at all. I'm not proud of it one little bit and I know that he isn't either. Sometimes we just get so frustrated that we can't express our feelings properly (he is a different nationality and sometimes there can be language difficulties when we are arguing). Sometimes he makes me so angry (as I think DL said about his DW). I have never experienced such intense feelings with any previous partners and I am not a violent person by nature.

I know that some people have been in horrible, abusive and violent relationships and therefore (completely understandably) have a totally different outlook on this. I DO NOT condone violence in relationships at all - but I do think that it is not so black and white as to say 'he is a wife beater' - not all situations are quite like that.

Now watch me get shot down in flames.......

LIke you Sarahu.... I just wanted to get my tuppence worth in.... I wasn't 'grossly offended'. I just didn't like his thoughtless stereotyping. Seems some people can't help themselves in other ways either Sarahu! No offence intended of course.

Rhubarb and Sarah I agree the internet and words you post can be misinterpretated(I have done this many times myself)
The point is there has been alot of good advice given on here to dadslib, when he has been given it all he has done is take the piss as usual and mention alllsorts in to boot.

I find this one rather interesting .... have I missed the point ?
What's the difference between SimpleSimon and DadsLib ?
Why is SS branded as a TROLL and DL is not .... rollercoaster - where are you