Please help me. My partner just shoved me against a wall by the throat and asked if I wanted to seee what murder looked like.

[theincredibequeenofwands]

He stormed out after a while.

I'm really shaken and I don't know what to do.

He was made redudant and is really stressed. I'm working as many hours as I can to make everything okay but he won't apply for jobs. I was looking online for him but and trying to get him interested and he just flipped.

I'm too ashamed to call up a friend and my parent's phone is engaged.

Please talk to me.

:'o(

I find it very sad when some people seek to attack people who say "you should leave if he has strangled you and threatened to kill you"

I have grave misgivings about the situations of people who attack others for saying that is not compatible with a loving relationship, and never can be

Everlong. I actually had no intention of caving his head in with the bottle of balsamic neither did he intend to stab me! Still bloody scary though!

And where is the OP?

Scared off by the in-fighting, i expect. Maybe - Scared to post that, actually, she loves her dp, he is not violent by nature, and he is abjectly sorry and ashamed. Scared to post that, in case it sets it all off again (not that it's stopped at all)

Like PooPoo, i've been shocked by sudden flashes of violence...DP turned round suddenly during a shouting match and knocked me over and into a wall. I've gone to slam the fridge door during an argument, just at the time he decided to put his head in the fridge for some beer. Caught him nicely both sides of the head.

If he'd posted on here about his abusive OH, he'd probably have left.

"2 women per week are killed by partners or ex-partners."

A shameful statistic, but that still leaves quite a few who aren't....

That's alright then

As long as "quite a few" women are only being abused and not murdered it's much less of a problem

shameful statistic, but that still leaves quite a few who aren't....'

I think its quite clear what was meant by that!

i've gone to slam the fridge door during an argument, just at the time he decided to put his head in the fridge for some beer. Caught him nicely both sides of the head.

Holey fucking ouch!

Anyway OP don't know if you are still reading, hope you are ok. What a shocking and scary experience for you

captainmummy, your partner has been physically abusive towards you

accidentally-on-purpose "slamming" people into walls is physically abusive

if you slammed his head in a fridge door you are no better

why do people persist in relationships like this ?

I have grave misgivings about relationships where there is physical abuse

doesn't everybody ?

or is "some of it" ok ?

everlong, don't try and get me to slag the OP off, your agenda is rather transparent

AF - they were accidents!!! He turned round suddenly. I mistimed my slam of the fridge!

FFS!

We DO NOT HAVE AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP - He is the sweetest, kindest, nicest man in the world.

If he wanted to he could knock me into next week.

people condemning the OP for her mistake are wrong

people condemning the domestic violence perpetrator are right

the ones trying to argue for "grey areas" are perpetuating dangerous myths about what is acceptable in a loving relationship, and I am concerned about why they would do that

AF i got the clear impression that the two incidents captainmummy mentioned were accidents. Accidents which wouldn't have happened if they hadn't been arguing. Have you seriously never hurt anyone by accident?

I do it a lot but then Im a clumsy arse!

Everlong - say you're standing on a train track and there's a train hurtling towards you and you're saying 'It's fine. The train will stop. I like the train. It didn't flatten me the last time I stood here' What do you expect me to say? 'Oh ok then, you know the train, it'll be fine, I'll just stand by'
or do you think I'll be shouting 'Get away, that's dangerous, I fear you will get hurt?'

That's what this thread is about for me. In a situation where there has been violence in the home, supporting somebody to stay on the basis that you all hope to hell it never happens again is dangerous. It's wrong. I'm not hear to argue the toss. Frankly I'm reeling from your posts because I'd always thought you'd shown a lot of good sense when I've seen yu about the boards but you're way beyond anything I can accept here. He held her by her throat and 'the likes of me' won't tolerate that.

you see captainmummy, by trying to argue "grey areas" like "he could have, I could have" you are perpetuating dangerous myths

there is a lot of damage your (probably) bigger and stronger male partner could do to you

why do you feel the need to remind us of it ?

why is it mentionable at all ?

he could knock you into next week ?

why do you need to acknowledge it, and why do you try to force us to ?

I don't think an accident counts as grey area, its just an accident, nothing more nothing less.

As i said earlier I've been a victim of domestic violence and the difference is very clear.

everlong, I am not judging the OP, stop trying to push me into doing so

address the others on this thread who you think are doing so

captainmummy, your partner has been physically abusive towards you

That was actually really predictable that you were going to say that.

poopoo, have I ever hurt someone in an accident where I slammed them into a wall or shut their head in a door ?

erm, no

All I am trying to say is that yes sometimes there are extenuating circumstances. If the OP's DH showed no remorse, no acceptance of guilt, then I would be a lot more concerned for her.

BUT (apparently) he is as shocked by the violence as she is (and should be). He has done as she asked and backed off. He has not shown arrogance in expecting it to be brushed off.

Most men could knock most of us into next week, but dont and wouldn't. But sometimes flashpoints occur.

We don't know the OP's DH. She does. I know my dp. I know he would never hurt me deliberately. What happened was not DV.

Poopoo,I could equally say that DV apologists who say that slamming someone into a wall was "just an accident" are predictable

ho hum