Please help me. My partner just shoved me against a wall by the throat and asked if I wanted to seee what murder looked like.

[theincredibequeenofwands]

He stormed out after a while.

I'm really shaken and I don't know what to do.

He was made redudant and is really stressed. I'm working as many hours as I can to make everything okay but he won't apply for jobs. I was looking online for him but and trying to get him interested and he just flipped.

I'm too ashamed to call up a friend and my parent's phone is engaged.

Please talk to me.

:'o(

Gosh OP, I hope this really is a one-off. I hope you and your partner can sort all this out. I hope that if anything like this happens again you do something about it.
And I hope that all the bickering on this thread doesn't detract from the good advice and support.

A bit of sane advice mrsalwaysawake - advice and support are all we can give, mostly. It's up to the OP to work out what to actually do with her life.

Everlong - I've always found your posts interesting, and sometimes a voice of sanity, sometimes 'devils advocate' which i agree is not what most posters want to read. I get your advice on here completely, the dh is obv not a violent man, just someone who has been driven to the brink by unemployment, feelings of unworth, desperation, fear. His DW is pregnant so there will be another mouth to feed, more expense, more hardship. The OP admits she had been shouting and arguing with him.

Of course he should not have held her against the wall and 'threatened' murder, but maybe there are extenuating circumstances. I'm not excusing DV, not at all, but maybe this IS a one-off, caused by everything piling on top of him.

IF they can get over those, then OP leaving wuold be the worst thing for all of them.

Everlong

I think the word 'hopefully' is appropriate. Yep the OP can 'hope' it is a one off.

Living in hope that you don't get hit by your partner.

Hi Wands, just dropping in to see how you are today.

Everlong - genuinely - do you truly believe that if a partner only hits you once, and only under extreme circumstances, then it is acceptable? By acceptable I mean that it's not grounds to leave the relationship. Would you still stand by that if it were your own daughter in the situation?

If a stranger had done what this man had done yesterday he would have been arrested by now and would probably be facing assault charges. Why does the fact that the OP knows him make her any less worthy of justice?

OP I hope you're ok today

Everlong I don't want to vilify you, but I keep coming back to this as it genuinely worries me that people come on these threads suggesting that DV may not be completely unacceptable.

And no, you didn't use the word 'acceptable', but surely to suggest somebody shouldn't leave a partner who is violent towards them is suggesting a level of acceptance, isn't it?

And ok he isn't now being violent, he's ashamed. But he was violent yesterday. That means he has the potential to be violent tomorrow.

I too am really troubled by Everlong's posts and Captainmummy - yes the op's partner is a violent man actually. He held her by the throat. That was a violent assault. We may establish the causes for this but it remains a violent assault and it is never, ever ok to be treated like that. Leave or stay the OP needs to be very careful and we do her no favours by pretending that this can be so easily got past.

northernlurker thank you for responding. I feel as if I'm banging my head against a wall.

Because I don't think the OP is stupid.

Everlong

Ever heard the phrase 'a lone goose honking'?

Everlong, I give up. You have worn me down. You believe what you want to believe - that's it from me.

OP if you're still here, I hope you're ok

If/when he does it again, making it two occasions, will that be enough?

Where is your line in the sand, everlong?

No. Because no man will ever hit me twice.