Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 4

[CailinDana]

The first three parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

www.napac.org.uk/

Cailin, well you've got a while til you need a straight jacket til that happens.

Do you think being firm with the set bedtimes, ie 6 o'clock or whenever he goes to bed wether he's tired or not and 11am is his nap time where you pretend to nap too, would help?

Forgive me if you do that, I did it with mine and they do it with fulltime nursery kids, ie 11 am everyone goes to the nap room, curtains closed and everyone lies down.

Sometimes the wee ones are learning so much they forget to chill

Silly question apart from dentist does anyone else have worries about routine medical appointments not gp's

Yep, what appointment do you have?

doesn't mention my panic attack in the mri machine

I'm due an eye test never had a problem before but can't bring myself to make the appointment

Seems so fucking stupid

Are you having problems, do you think you need a new pair?

It's not stupid at all, my DS has to go with me and I put them off as long as possible. I think it's being in a confinde place and being vulnerable. Don't get me started on the air puffy thing they do either, I nearly gave the poor woman a breakdown :o

Possibly do getting blurred vision sometimes don't know if stress can cause that though had a weepy eye on and off for a few months as well. Don't know if theres a female optometrist there either.

Ptsd can do funny things but best to get them checked anyway.

Weepy eyes can be make-up, wash brushes regularly, use mousse rather than powder, or allergies, pet, blossom, pollution.

Can you find a place with a female? There is one in dumfries I think if it's not too far, Glasgow and Edinburgh should also be good for female optometrists (sp)

sorry for delay, my t'internet went funny.

I hate going to the optician too dotty. I should have had my last pair of glasses changed for a good year and a half before I actually got up the courage to go and have my eyes tested.

Cailin never had problems before with optician used to shake at dentist and that's back again after doing this but last night I was bawling my eyes out ove the thought of having to make the appointment just so stupid.

Did anyone delay in sending their DC to nursery?

I took mine to mums and tots, then playgroup at 3 where I did leave him for 2hrs but I'd befriended all the staff first and become their treasurer just so I didn't have to leave him so much but I didn't put him in school nursery until the year before he was due to start school and then it was only part-time.

Is that normal or weird? I mean deep down I just really wanted to spend those years with him because I knew he'd be off soon enough?

There is no way on earth I would let another adult look after my DS when he is tiny and helpless. I know that is down to my own issues though. In some ways I would like to go back to work but I just can't face leaving DS with other people. It is a bit fucked up really. It's lucky I enjoy looking after the little monkey!

I didn't DD1 was in a day nursery one day a week at 2 as well as mums and tots playgroup at 3 and nursery at 4 DS went to mums and tots and he was at nursery for extra year because of his SN's [only went at 4 then] he also went to OT groups with me so was very socialised. DD1 went to mums and tots, playgroup and nursery but back then it never occured to us that nurseries etc wouldn't be safe IYSWIM . IMO kids who don't go to something really struggle socially at school, I wouldn't hesitate to do it all over again but with very careful checking didn't even have CRB checks back then but we all know that only shows up those that have been reported/caught.

We haven't posted here for a couple of months. Sorry but a couple of messages made us sad and cross. We did wonder if somebody knows us in real life? We decided not to make contact with our parents. There doesn't seem any point just for them to deny everything. That's the biggest problem the abused face. Some people, even on Mumsnet, think you are making things sound worse than they were. We know though!

Hi 1980, I don't know you in rl and I'm sorry the thread upset you, it is ok to talk about things that bother you but everyone has their own, if differing opinions, hope you're both ok, big hugs.

Dotty, Cailin, thats the thing though, I socialised my DS, he's never had problems making friends and is really popular, I just didn't leave him in the care of nurseries until he was nearing school age and could get used to the school routine. I also oversaw his playgroup and had a hand in ensuring it was ok.

I bring DS to loads of toddler groups, and I'm there all the time. I just can't get my head around putting a really young child in the care of someone I don't know extremely well. I've let the ILs look after him, but I don't even trust them fully. That's all my own fucked up thinking though, I don't think the danger is huge in actual fact.

Hi 1980, would you like to talk about what worried you?

Cailin he's only a baby still none of mine went anywhere at that age the nursery DD1 went to a friend of mine was a full time nursery nurse there so it helped we had to do it as IL's weren't interested we had no-one and she needed the extra stimulation was advise of HV that she went on. She was a bright little bugger.

I didn't even let my ils babysit.

I don't think it's fucked up thinking Cailin, do what's best for you, it's your babes, they're at school soon enough and trust me it goes fast. I'm just really broody at the moment and missing those years I think if I'd had more I wouldn't be though :o

I've been thinking alot lately my parents only looked after DD1 once she was 8 months old I can't remember if IT was back in this country and it's driving me nuts.

I'm already sinking again been terrible for days had to go out today for a short drive. Also snapped at my boy tonight don't want to be like this was doing so well for so long. Crying lots again for no damn reason.

Do you have release tactics Dotty? it sounds like you're holding in stuff that needs to come out I know from bitter experience

I think it's been said up thread but watching a programme you hate just to shout at it, can let out anger as can kneading bread I've spent many an hour crying my een out whilst beating up a lump of dough

Watching a sad movie when sad etc.

You have every right to be understandably angry, but best to take it out on an inanimate object

I've just thought up a great business for helping angry people :o

Wanna make a fortune wi me Dotty? :o

Wasn't angry as such just snappy not angry these days never hit out not my style just hurt myself head bang etc just over emotional, sleeping to much, eatings gone downhill again not really hungry. Don't think i'm 100% still got an awful cough 3 weeks after being ill me thinks me needs sunshine to perk me up a bit.

Lots going on as well and such a long wait until next court date now.

Mind you we'd have to use your mules for transportation, dvla say I'm a liability in cars, some daft reason to do with ptsd, dissociation and suicidal tendancies :o

Mines not official was hinted at by counseller she used all the symptoms to describe my feelings even my sister says I have it is denial part of it?

Think I definately need more counselling though everytime I haveto talk about it or even know I have to it knocks me back again so bad.

My new shed came today so need to get that and the fence painted and can start tidying the garden just no motivation ATM though.