Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 4

[CailinDana]

The first three parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Coffee just remember that when people are being controllong, abusive or anything else unpleasant, it is because they are miserable and suffering themselves.
I don't think the majority of people mean to be like that. It's just a case of being wrapped up in themselves and not being aware of how they come across.
Then of course there are the people who continue to be abusive and controlling but will never change because they cannot believe they would be like that.
I know i've come across all wrong in the past but I never intended to upset anyone.
I find standing up for myself difficult too, well actually I don't, I find standing up for myself politely and calmly difficult! :)

So speaking to the police today has made things even worse! The arsehole sister has texted me twice since and clearly isn't going to stop.
I know people have strange and varied reactions to being abused, but she is a crazy bitch who seriously needs some help. We were abused, we were at risk, our mother was an unfit mother. Not me or my children.. grrr.

Hope everyone is ok. Sorry for ranting again.

I myself am controlling but only about situations I'm in hate not being in control but think that could be down to the abuse Amitola take copies of the texts and also show them to the police I really don't understand your sister mine are total opposite but both blame themselves for not protecting me.

Ok, I've been googling and most stuff wasn't helpful and a lot was pinpointing problems in myself, which I'm aware of and trying to work out.

The best I've found is this www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/
It goes on to discuss difficult relations and how to win an argument. It's exactly what I was looking for, it gives techniques to stop myself becoming entrenched in a situation I can't handle and the confidence to know everyone is only human, including me.

The police are not interested really. They won't help me and just said to get their numbers blocked. He said he would speak to them and ask them to leave me alone but according to my sister he listened to my mothers concerns about me and didn't phone my sister at all. I don't know if that is true.
I know when I reported the abuse to the police my family got copies of my statement, which they should never have got. So I don't really trust the police at all.
My sister blamed me when we were being abused, as did my mother actually, so i'm not suprised she still blames me for everything now.
My mother said having me ruined my sisters life and she wishes she never had because then my sister would never have had any problem. Thanks mummy dearest!

Yes I think the control thing is connected to abuse. I never realised I was like it but I panic if I have no control over things and have no idea what is going to happen.

Amitola, I think your sister is scared and by having the abuse admitted means she'll have to deal with it and that is terrifying, as we all know.

I don't think you can carry that at present, all I could do is say to her "I know you have your own way of dealing with things, this is my way, I will always be there for you but I am not willing to accept your behaviour at present"

put new skills to practice, is that calm and logical

You did not do anything wrong either, do not accept that.

Amitola I had a panic attack in bed last night cried myself to sleep not down that for a few months felt such a failure again.

I know it doesn't feel like it at the time Dotty, but it is a good thing to get like that. All of these emotions are stored inside us for so many years, once they are out they are out and it just rbings us even closer to a happier, more relaxed and care free life.

I think you're right about my sister Coffee, she is terrified. She has built an entire life
around lies which make her feel better about herself. I will never be there for her though, not after this.
I know she is jealous that I have children and she doesn't but it doesn't excuse what she has done. She has been reporting me to social services since she first found out I was pregnant. I've never been free to just get on and be a mum.
I could have been free to have a normal and happy life, but they won't let me.
She knows i'm in court tomorrow so she sends me nasty messages today, calling me a silly little girl and going on about how i'm going to lose my children. I used to feel sorry for her and wanted her to sort herself out and deal with the abuse, but now i'm remembering how nasty she always was I just hope she gets what she deserves.

The everyone is only human bit just got me. I think I look to people to rescue me from things sometimes, but I don't know if I could do that for someone else, so I guess I should stop asking. I'm now accepting that everyone will let me down and i'm on my own. It's making me quite sad but only because I love talking and have nobody to talk to anymore.
I bumped into an ex recently and was saying my 4 yr old was a bit adhd. He said like his mum then. He used to encourage me to smoke canabis, mainly to shut me up. Now i'm left with waffling on and on here or facebook or anywhere else people will read.

Actually i'm type waffling because i'm a nervous wreck - help!!

I was like that all the time until about 3 months ago I know I'm slipping back not much I can do but accept it problem I have is only have DH here no-one else really

Amitola, you DO have people you can trust, it's to do with people have their own foibles, like being afraid of the dark or dogs. I know what it's like to feel like you're on your own but learning that you/others can make mistakes/have hungs and accepting them/you whilst being aware anyone can fall victim to abuse and keeping that at arms length will lead to a shared, more carefree life. You don't have to carry this alone.

I'm suffering compassion fatigue, I lost my cool, I'm not proud but I'm allowed to

have hungs

Hang Ups, dammit :o

Hi all, hope you're all ok. I'm having one of those crappy, neverending sort of days. Nothing major just a lot of small things. DH is supposed to be going out tonight but I'm considering asking him to come home instead. I feel a bit mean doing that though.

How is everyone else?

Celebrating my DS's 17th

What's up Cailin?

I'm sort of the same Cailin bored to tears curled up in the chair if I walk around to much my ankle is agony attempted some gardening but wasn't practicle have some wooden border edges to paint before they go in could do that bu weather don't look good got bairns SW coming at 3.

Still tired after other day struggling to sleep again don't want to slip back into bad habits again. Xx

Happy birthday to your DS Coffee.

I'm sorry Cailin. How rubbish.

Want a chat?

Dotty have you been to MIU for the ankle?

DS is ill and pissed off and I've broken my glasses so I can barely see a thing. I don't have a spare pair so we are stuck in the house until tomorrow when I can ask my friend to bring me into town to have them repaired. I'm also in a foul mood. So not a good combination. I really feel like going to bed and ignoring everything. But I won't, obviously.

Happy Birthday to your DS!

Oh chips! Happy 17th to your DS Coffee!!

Oh and when I broke my glasses I also bashed my eye so I reckon I'll have a fancy shiner to show off tomorrow.

How crap Cailin. Poor DS and poor you.

Do you have any foul mood relieving things to do?
I make bread so I can squish something for 10 minutes or, and I'm quite bad for this, I find a news story I can get het up about and moan heartily until I'm so moaned out I'm actually feeling better and I don't even have to mention the blasted wee on the floor everyone walked past it's not perfect but it does!

Cailin never rains but it pours I'm due an eye test funny feeling I'll need new prescription blurry vision sometimes don't know if you can still use same frames glasses are in new condition for once used to chew them.

Nic what's MIU?

Oh crud I missed that.

Do you have any arnica or get some tomorrow? Really does help.
have you got any ice? Peas or such - reduce the swelling, bleeding, reduce the pain. Not trying to teach my granny to suck eggs but I bet you are taking care of DS and not you.

I wanted to take DS out for a while to cheer him up this afternoon but I can't really without my glasses. I find it horribly disorienting to be out without my glasses, so much so that it makes me panic. I'm trying to convince myself to just go into town on my own on the bus to get the glasses repaired but I can't. Of course it's all my own stupid fault for not getting a second pair of glasses. I will get a second pair as soon as I can afford them.

Minor injuries unit Dotty.

Most will have a shorter waiting time than A&E, have nurses that can refer to x-ray etc or just set you up with a nice tubigrip etc. If you've got a nasty bruise it's often worth checking no othe soft bits were hurt esp as around ankles and wrists there isn't much extra padding (that sounds rude, it's not meant to - I have loads of padding!!)

In Scotland don't have them don't think I've done anything serious to be honest if its chipped it will heal up ok

Ugh checking no other soft bits even. Stupid phone fingers.

Thing is glasses are so expensive even with a deal.
Panic is not worth it.
Are the lenses gone?