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Original poster

Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 4

999 replies

CailinDana · 09/05/2012 12:22

The first three parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

OP posts:
CoffeeAhorlickAnonymouse · 14/05/2012 18:45

Pillowcase, what you've been through is as horrendus and damaging as everyone else, We often go through a stage of minimising, thats normal, getting through it you have to honestly look at what happenend to you and say yes it was fucking horrendus and deeply affected me. I'm so sorry you have been through that, big hugs.

Dotty, I hope you take the extra support, it is fundamental to you gaining a stronger perspective and being strong for the case.

Nic, I'm crap at advice but got away from the abuse.

Moomenny · 14/05/2012 19:04

I haven't got anything insight to add , I'm just thinking of you all

Sending you peace and soothing thoughts xx

Moomenny · 14/05/2012 19:05

Ps I can't type Hmm

Amitolamummy · 14/05/2012 19:20

Thanks, I just feel so ill this evening i've lost every bit of positivity. My heating is on 50, i'm wearing half my wardrobe and i'm still cold - think I might be actually ill rather than just run down.

I've tried for so many years to keep them away. I've moved a stupid amount of times, involved the police, changed my numbers, email addresses, everything.
I didn't invite them in, I just didn't have any strength left to fight them again. Normal people who are told to stay away by the police do so. They are so far from normal I don't know how to deal with them.
They have concocted an entire past that is utter rubbish. One where i'm to blame for everything and my sister was a troubled genius.
The police and social services have just said to ingore them but its the psychological effect thats killing me.

I'm terrfied of them. They took my son 2 years ago, locked him in a car with my sister and refused to give him back until I said I had made up the abuse. My mother said she had seriously been considering kidnapping me and locking me away until I said it was lies. I know what they did when I was young and I know just how crazy and capable of doing these things they are, but nobody believes me or they just accuse me of having mental health problems.
They did actually lock me in a car 7 years ago and wouldn't let me out, then they hurled abuse and criticism at me for 2 hours. I should have phoned the police but they said the police would never believe me and I guess they wouldn't.

Thanks for the support :) I must get the big monster to bed before he melts from the heat in here

NicNocJnr · 14/05/2012 19:32

Right. The police have told them to stay away and they haven't. As you are already in contact with a legal eagle can you discuss ROs etc? Then you don't even open the door just call and they will be removed?
Cut out even the need to have to fight them.

Also - go to the GP if you don't feel better in a couple of days, the stress that you are under wont help any bugs you get.

pillowcase · 14/05/2012 21:20

amitola,
I think you should write out a record of everything crazy theyve done and write it carefully without how you feel. Just a record. Then forward it to police, or a legal person as NicNoc said. Surely they'll have to believe you if you give them just the facts. Then every time there's something to add, send it on to add to th file. You will beat them.

dottyspotty2 · 14/05/2012 21:28

Just off the phone to my sister the DC was speaking to her last week and she told her they had to get the medic in to IT when he was charged to make sure he was ok to continue being charged, his arrogance disappeared and he looked shellshocked. He thought he was going there to answer more questions and pick his computer up.

He's in court for first appearance tommorrow just to answer his name got given letter listing all the charges today off DC makes grim reading.

DH brought me chocolate in at teatime.

pillowcase · 14/05/2012 21:31

dotty, that was a hard day. Well done dh on the chocolate!

pillowcase · 14/05/2012 21:32

i've had a response to my email which to me seems so impersonal that I'm not inclined to follow up. Anyway it basically says 'next time you're back in ireland call us and we're willing to help' Hmm Not sure I'll go any further at this time but might just hang out here for another while to follow your stories and maybe have the strength to follow up another time

CoffeeAhorlickAnonymouse · 14/05/2012 21:49

Aw Pillow Sad thats doesn't sound good but maybe they are saying you're welcome to go in and see them next time you are there? Do you have anything local to you? just for support. Please stay around, it's lovely having you here Sad if you want a second perspective could you pm a bigger description of the letter?

Dotty, at least he knows it's serious, enjoy the choccies.

NicNocJnr · 14/05/2012 22:05

Pillow - is it a negative interpretation of a rather bland/thoughtless e-mail or are they saying they can't do anything if you aren't in the country?
I second staying around - even if you don't feel like talking everyday, it would be lovely to see you. Not that the door is ever closed - although it's not my gaff!

dottyspotty2 · 14/05/2012 22:09

That's the problem pillow your not in this country they can't do much to help really its unfortunate . Not really with it tonight so just dipping in and out really exhausted but can't go to bed as I'll be up at stupid o'clock x

CoffeeAhorlickAnonymouse · 14/05/2012 22:14

'Course it's your gaff Nic, tis anybody who needs it gaff Sad profers herbal Brew and choclate Biscuit

You ok?

CoffeeAhorlickAnonymouse · 14/05/2012 22:20

Well I'm going to bed early, have had a cough for a few days and tonight a coughing fit made me Envy so early night and doc's tomo if I can get an appointment practically impossible when I had tonsilitus and had to take up camp in the reception

StuckintheBellJar · 14/05/2012 22:26

I'm lurking as I haven't got much experience at this sort of thing, but I just wanted to say how particularly amazing are the ladies here who are reporting this. I could never do it. I couldn't form the words unless drunk. Seriously, impressed.

You're all incredible.

NicNocJnr · 14/05/2012 22:28

Me Coffee? I'm ok, had a bit of an argument today in a group at a friends. Most unlike me and it's not that feel bad about it as such I just don't like having to stand up for myself...or other people! Still do.

Trying to get my face round a bacon and egg butty. I'm not entirely succeeding! Thanks for the comfy chair

dottyspotty2 · 14/05/2012 22:29

Just been texting my other sis back and forth she's just told me she's on AD's for stress and anxiety all my fucking fault in bits now

StuckintheBellJar · 14/05/2012 22:30

That's an awful thing to say Dotty. Turn the phone off perhaps?

NicNocJnr · 14/05/2012 22:30

Sorry pressed the wrong button Angry
The rules say appt should be within 2 days now.
How yuk, I hate coughs like that. Snuggle up & I hope you can snooze x

NicNocJnr · 14/05/2012 22:31

Well it's not your fault Dotty is it? If she's unloading on you and you aren't in a place to set her straight then I too suggest phone off and space for the night. It's ok to say no.

dottyspotty2 · 14/05/2012 22:35

No she isn't blaming me I am, she says its mostly work I don't believe her I'm not allowed to say sorry or anything to them they care so much despite what I've done.

CoffeeAhorlickAnonymouse · 14/05/2012 22:38

Stuck, you are just as amazing, I think when you're moved and settled things will start to look different, baby steps, hugs.

Confrontation is hard and something I struggle with, I'm sure your friend appreciates it very much. Keep the difficult people at arms length.

You are a very wise and strong person and I would like even half of your strength.

hopes I'm not too woo

dottyspotty2 · 14/05/2012 22:40

Just been told off by her for blaming myself she's going to explain when we talk she's got councelling through work, says she wouldn't of told me if she had thought i'd blame myself can't help the way I feel even the DC said the same today she picked up guilt still in me x

CoffeeAhorlickAnonymouse · 14/05/2012 22:51

Dotty, the way you're talking sounds like the depression is hitting hard again, could you see your gp to up the dosage for a bit, just to take the stress off.

Thanks Nic, it's difficult to get emergency ones, should have just phoned a few days ago :o will be seen by the end of the week.

dottyspotty2 · 14/05/2012 22:58

Coffee its just a blip been a hard emotional day stuff always hits at night a good cry does you good realise that now only started crying in the last few months I'll just need to ride the storm can't go back dr especially after asking to come off the meds