Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 4

[CailinDana]

The first three parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Good for you Cailin x

Thanks dotty :) It's all good in theory, now I just have to make sure to put it into practice!

Personally I'd be ditching her, she sounds like she has no respect for you. You can be reliable without being a doormat.

I have new aquaintances who can overboard asking me do to stuff but do not have a strop if I say no. They understand I have a life outside of them.

There is a massive difference between being a doormat and being reliable.

What does reliable mean to you?

I suppose it means being a good friend, not letting people down, being there when they need me. It works well most of the time, I have some fantastic friends who are just as reliable as I am. But at the moment I'm in the process of forming new friendships as we moved here not long ago and so it's hit and miss. The woman I mentioned is someone I only met recently so I'm still getting to know what she's like. She is actually a nice person but can be flakey and bit odd at times. It's a shame but I do think I will have to keep her at arms length and give her the message that I'm an acquaintance and not a friend.

Didn't mean you were a doormat but some people you meet will have no qualms about draining the life out of you then having a go if you stand up to them.

Personally I can't stand people who have hissy fits at me and says alot about who they are. I keep them at arms length.

There are people out there you do not need to waste energy on. Put yourself first, always.

As Moomenny said "start loving yourself" after all you are your own best friend.

Ooo I can do flaky and odd brilliantly :o practise on me, pwease!

hopes I don't hissy fit

The strange thing was, she had the strop and then the next time I saw her it was like nothing happened. I don't mind that so much - if someone is a bit stroppy and then forgets it - it's more the sulky people who hold grudges that get to me (my mother could hold a grudge for a million years). What I do know is that I tend to put a lot into friendships without really expecting much back, I think partly because I don't expect people to care. But with good friends I know they do care, I just have to ask for their help. I'm not good at that, possibly because any time I asked my parents for help they either helped me very very grudgingly or didn't help me at all. The biggest step for me was realising I didn't owe them anything and just deciding to have the bare minimum of a relationship with them.

I could have written that, not the sulky people, but the rest.

At the moment I don't have it in me to deal with sulky people either. I'm dealing with too much myself and can't take the weight of other people. I have no idea what I'm like as a person but am learning how I wish to act in certain situations and putting boundries in place.

Cailin I sent you a pm, you don't need to answer it, just wondering if you got it cos some are going missing?

Coffee, I have a PM that you sent on Thursday. Is that it? I replied to it, but you might not have got the reply.

I find it hard to make friends in RL have only 2 locally who I rarely see have plenty of aquaintances but most friends dropped me years ago when my DS started having problems the people I've met off the fb group i'm on are friends but i've built up a relationship before meeting then iyswim. I find it so hard to trust people now.

Cailin, no I sent it today, I got your reply to the other one, thankyou for the support hopefully I've gained techniques to deal with it. I'll try resending today's one.

Dotty, hopefully now you're moving onwards and upwards :)

Hello peeps,

Sorry I'm not getting much internet time atm so tend to rattle around here when all sensible people are sleeping (unless coffee keeps me company...but then shes artsy so keeps cool person hours! )
Sorry people are having hard times - also sorry I can't even make supportive noises dt not being here. Hugs Cailin x

In other news, I checked into the benefit cheats thread (because in all honesty I love me some twit bashing on cross days) it was all a load of predictable rubbish but the good thing was an awesome recipe for amazing cake - I think I'm going to steal it because it looks delish!! So if you see me adding a cake recipe here you'll all know why [drooool] x

Awww I only got to the second page on there and gave up because no one admitted to having a goat :o

I'm an insomniac who sky watches at night does it show :o watching the moon turn is amazing, yet to see it though because of the clouds, oh well there's always next month. Couldn't do it years ago due to getting up for DS, now I can lie in til 8am!

doesn't mention pheasant thread

Aw crap, a thread I thought might be a troll is on discussion of the day and I was a complete smart arse. Twas a daft question though, like how many ferrets does it take to change a lightbulb.

Realises I'm a bit of a cow.

For anyone struggling,

Don't give up - peter gabriel song

There's a place where you belong

Coffee I love that song now got it in my head.

"ooooo don't give up, you still have friends, don't give up, there's a place, a place where you belooooooonnngg"

m'on Dotty :o

Pheasant thread you say?

Hmm

runs away

"moved on to another tooowwnn, blah blaah blah blahh, so many men no one wwaaaants"

hic :o

Sorry I haven't been reading your posts again. Just woken up in a panic now everytime I close my eyes and start to fall asleep I startle myself awake again. Feeling so scared right now and all the relaxation/mindfullness/mentalisation/visualisation is not helping. I can't make sense of this.

hey, can you get up and get some fresh air? what are you worried about?

Hi Coffee and Nic. I'm not worried about anything I can think of in everyday life. This has happened a couple of times over the last two weeks. I wake up feeling utterly terrified. I'm feeling better now but don't want to go back to sleep in case it happens again.

I get that sometimes too, flashbacks when I'm sleeping, they're awful.

I meant to say what are you scared of? I was worried incase you thought no one was up.

Do you want to talk stuff through?

My head is a jumble of random thoughts and images. I got up and put on some clothes to feel less vulnerable. It's just an all-encompassing fear with no obvious link to anything. Every time I relax, I get a wave of fear and sort of gasp. Do you think I'm having flashbacks without being consciously aware of their content?
After I came on here last, more images appeared about watching pornography. As a young teenager I used to watch the free 10 minutes of those channels. Never admitted that to anyone. I never slept in my bed either, always slept on the sofa. I used to worry that I might be pregnant so would hit myself in the stomach. Argh, so many things. Sorry.