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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 4

999 replies

CailinDana · 09/05/2012 12:22

The first three parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

OP posts:

StuckintheBellJar · 12/05/2012 21:07

You lot have given me a craving for a honey and banana toastie! I have neither of those things, dammit!

NicNocJnr · 12/05/2012 21:20

oooh banana and honey toasty...drool.

I have no bananas today either. I can't even run a nightime raid on the corner shop because he'll be shut

pillowcase · 12/05/2012 22:35

hi all, thanks for comments earlier.

Apologies for not really reading thread properly, I kinda hope I can do this without feeling anything

pillowcase · 12/05/2012 22:36

I've managed to numb away feelings on abuse for so long that I don't want to really feel, but I do want to do something, probably impossible not to relive eh?

pillowcase · 12/05/2012 22:37

someone asked if I'd report him? Just wondering what your first step was. Who do you report to? What happens then? I'm in Ireland btw if that makes a difference

pillowcase · 12/05/2012 22:38

sorry for all the messages; I can't write one longer one or it won't post

pillowcase · 12/05/2012 22:40

and well done on those who've gone through all this and are still willing to hang around and talk others through it. I'm hoping I'll get my head around what and how to do this now. I feel like I'll pass the pain back over to HIM

dottyspotty2 · 12/05/2012 22:45

I just walked into police station asked to speak to female officer spoke to young one she was about half my age about an hour later had a call off DC in the public protection unit and she arranged to come see me and took it from there. She has been a brilliant support as has the one down in Lancashire local one is just the liason officer now which I'm quite sad about as would prefer to see or speak to her more often but they are sadly busy with these cases. One in Lancashire has 20 other ongoing cases.

StuckintheBellJar · 12/05/2012 22:46

It would be nice to turn the feelings off. I know what you mean. Feelings are terrifying to me too. I know it's not a long term solution, but I have found that AD's have helped me see clearly. Pain is still there, but I can see where it is and avoid it. I don't know your story (new here) but the drugs do help me.

Comfortably numb. It can de done. In the short term, it can be a good idea.

pillowcase · 12/05/2012 23:00

I live abroad but this happened in Ireland where He lives. I wonder how I would go about reporting it, would I have to go in person to police? I find this need to do soemthing returns more and more frequently and when I saw this thread I started to get worked up about just doing it.

pillowcase · 12/05/2012 23:02

dottyspotty, how recently did you do this (sorry I haven't read whole thread)? How much detail did you have to drag up straight away? I'd like to make a neat complaint by letter, and have HIM confirm his guilt and let the law sort it out without my being involved. that ain't gonna happen i suppose?

pillowcase · 12/05/2012 23:04

SITBJar, yeah numbness is good, but I do wonder if I've just been numb my whole life? I've started to wonder if I was carefree, open, happy go lucky before this happened?

NicNocJnr · 12/05/2012 23:08

Pillowcase - what have you accessed so far in terms of counselling and active rl support for yourself?

My first step would be and was therapy - you can access this through your GP (if you feel you can talk to them) or generally straight through the organisation/person. It is important to be working on your health.

Secondly - I would have a look at your local polices website. Some offer remote reporting if you are uncomfortable doing it face to face. But you can also get advice from your therapist on organisations local to you that can help support you with the process. And help advocate for you and guide you through the lagalities and good solicitors etc.

NicNocJnr · 12/05/2012 23:10

Sorry just seen you live abroad.

Therapy still a very good idea. However it may well be the case that remotr reporting to the police or calling would be beneficial. They will be able to advise on the practicalities of speaking to you with you being out of the country and gong ahead withthe case logistically etc.

dottyspotty2 · 12/05/2012 23:12

7 months ago had a holiday booked so the statement/interview was held off for a month then and only then did I say anything before that she just took family history it came flooding back during the statement and since then.

Moomenny · 12/05/2012 23:13

Agree with nic.

Not sure how it works in Ireland but some places in the uk have dedicated units that you can talk over your abuse before making any decisions on what to do next.

I called the police and they came out in under a hour.I was supported all the way through and also was given a social worker who was bloody marvellous. I cannot of asked for anything more,even though it was tough giving a statement I was treated with care and sensitivity.

dottyspotty2 · 12/05/2012 23:16

They are fabulous they have psycological training for this job.

pillowcase · 12/05/2012 23:19

this might sound naive but i don't feel i need therapy, i've managed to get on oK with my life and am happy. I've managed to raise it with him, he apologised, his wife nearly left him (nearly i think i was supposed to feel sorry for him)

pillowcase · 12/05/2012 23:20

I might just contact an association and ask what my options are. Thank you, thank you for this thread

dotty, if you only started the process 7 months ago have you any idea how long it will take to get closure?

pillowcase · 12/05/2012 23:22

you know I'm hoping you'll say, 'this day next week it'll all be over'

dottyspotty2 · 12/05/2012 23:24

I won't ever get full closure because he's denied it I want to know how young I was I'll never find out. If it goes to court it will probably be November.

dottyspotty2 · 12/05/2012 23:25

It is easier normally just very much a rollercoaster journey. When stuff has to be dealt with it knocks me back.

pillowcase · 12/05/2012 23:29

Dotty, well done on getting so far. I'm sure it feels hard now but I think you'll be relieved that you've done it.
I know what you mean about wanting to know. I can't be sure of ages either or how long it went on. Doubt he'll ever actually talk about it properly. I wish I'd recorded our phone conversation when he admitted it...

dottyspotty2 · 12/05/2012 23:33

I remember when it stopped not the date but how I was just 12 and it had gone on for at least 8 years

Moomenny · 12/05/2012 23:33

Keep the option of therapy open huh? I thought I was sorted and had dealt with it,did the confrontation,got the 'sorry' ,tears and admittance of guilt and went through crown court and 15 years later, I've been diagnosed with PTSD.

Not saying anyone is like me ,we all deal with 'it' in different ways but just keep all doors open for support now and in the future.

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