Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 4

[CailinDana]

The first three parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

hugs Amito. It's amazing how abusive will people will hang on to slim ideas of respectabilty like 'duty'.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time pet.

Thanks, yes it was my father and for a few years a group of men. I deleted all of my posts and name changed because I think someone was following me on here.

I know its very niave but I still can't fathom how both my mother and sister can keep saying its not true. I told her to take that lie to her grave and see how it affects her. She didn't like that very much :o

HIGH FIVE Amitola :o

You tell 'em, you know the truth, you believe in yourself. You don't need to be dragged down by them and they know it.

Stuck, no, not an artist just doing art therapy alongside councelling, it's very helpful.

Well my DS has come home, got the drill out the cupboard and plugged it into his guitar First time I've every heard a guitar drill! Kids :o

Hi amito!

Something I've been pondering on over the last few weeks is an interesting question my therapist brought up in a session 'if you were told that your mother wasn't biologically your mother,how would you feel'

I'm know how I would feel,her arse wouldn't have time to hit the floor.

Why do I want/need this woman in my life when she still continues to emotionally abuse me?

Ponder,ponder...

Amitola I remember now iirc you weren't believed by the police [arseholes] so you made him ill according to your mother thats some excuse for a mother a recurring feature throughout this thread I'm afraid HE made the choice to ruin his daughters life by abusing you not you may he rot in hell when he goes.

Hello chaps!

Coffee your DS sounds hilarious...I can't quite imagine how it would sound and I have confirmation from DH I'm not allowed to try. Spoilsport!

Amotila- Double high five!! I think Moomenny has raised a very pertinent question. It is just feels like such a betrayal the person who needs the loyalty and support is the focus of the anger, guilt and denial of another. I suspect the fact she married such scum and her marriage is built on lies makes her feel too bad to accept. It's no excuse. Your sister would be getting the bums rush from me too. It must have been so hard when the police did nothing, but I think that lies at the feet of your family for the collusion to discredit you. set them on fire

Lots has happened here so I'm going to catch up a bit more, just wante d to say hi and check in x

I want a guitar drill!

We are often abused twice at least I think. The first abuse is the sexual abuse. The second is how we're often treated by others as a result.

Then there is the years of shame and guilt. I sometimes wonder if the actual abuse isn't even the worse part.

I hope that makes sense!

Perfect sense stuck

We are quite good at self abuse too ,well I know I am/was.

Onwards and upwards and all that.

Stuck it does make sense the rape/abuse made me who I am nothing can change that but I can move on eventually. My mothers loyalty to him and treatment of us on the other hand is heartbreaking throughout this that hurts more she should of backed me same as my other brother according to him its 'my problems' nothing to do with him and he wants nothing to do with me as long as I live.

Same here. I swear I lost babies through not eating properly, drinking and smoking. Didn't even know I was pregant half the time.

I count those children as his victims too.

Do good things ever have this much affect on the world?

Well said Stuck and Nic.

Disclaimer, have just been told off, the drill wasn't plugged into the guitar but drilled against the neck pick up just so no one electrocutes themselves sounded lovely though.

Anyway...... carry on :o

Why did he even think to try that????

What a mad but wonderful child you have

coffee how old is he?

Makes total sense.

I am very open about whats happened for some reasons that are very important to me:

1. It's not my job to protect him and his reputation. It's my job to protect me and my family.

2. I don't care if it makes others feel uncomfortable - it is happening everyday and maybe, maybe, they will be thinking of something I've said or talking to someone and that will travel to someone worried about a child and they don't know why. One phonecall might save a child.

3. It's not my shame- I worked really hard to realise that and now I make sure I reinforce it. It was not my fault, it is not my guilt to carry, it is not my shame and again - it was not my fault. I was a child. He was an adult. It's ALL on him. So I don't feel that talking about it reflects badly on me - It happened and here I am, you can deal with it how you want.

4. It's not the stranger in the park you need to be most worried about - It's the people that surround you. If you have had your kids say things to you that have made you then don't automatically dismiss or ignore it. Oh, and he probably seems really nice not 'weird'.

It helps me. I know it wouldn't work for everyone. I'm not one for secrets. I don't like dishonesty. So why should I keep a huge secret safe when it stops me living a good life?

Oops late again!! it was Stuck's original point I was answering.

In my defence I was trying to type and attack a honey sandwhich. What? I can if I want!

nic

I can see a lot of sense in all of that.

For the first time, I told someone in real life this weekend. I'm never going to see them again so there is no ripple effect into my normal life. I told them as they wanted an explanation for some of my behavior (sleeping with a pair of best mates - I really didn't want to wreck their friendship). Needed them to see that my maddness was not caused by then and can you please both go away now? They did, in the end.

Traumatic but cathartic. A mad little experiment to see if I can talk about this in real life.

Stuck I couldn't talk about the nitty gritty of this so to speak to anyone until I made my statement didn't even know until I started talking if I would be able to the intimate questions where soul destroying and I broke that night.

Nic i'm the same with being open about it, hence why my family are trying to destroy me. I never fit in very well with my ex's family either, they are all hiding skeletons in their closets and I barged in with my openess and honesty which didn't go down too well.

Thanks for the high fives etc. I'm feeling pretty good after directing my anger at the right person. I feel nothing for that woman, just feel sorry for her really. What a waste of a life! and still wasting it being controlled by my nut job sister.

Haha Nic, give me honey :o

Stuck I'm so sorry you've lost babies, you need to stop punishing your body, you are safe now,x

I agree Nic, talking about stuff out loud wether people want to hear it or not, might save one child from going through what I went through and make society wake up if enough survivors shout loud enough.

Stuck, Van halen did it first, he's been out with the band all day.

Dotty, he's 2 I'm a shit mother who puts her kid in danger. note sarcasm

He's genius!

You can have honey but I think you should prob put a tarp down first...it's everywhere

I've got normal and light&mild hiney - take your pick. We only have sliced white though because I like it if you wanted a sarny. Or we have some fruit sticks and sweet biccys id madarm would prefer to dip?

Hiney...pahahahaha I've got a light and mild hiney!!
Sorry, sorry.

Honey. 2 types.

Thanks for the description of your hiney :o

I'm going to bow out this evening ladies, am orf to make pancakes with honey like a proper little madarm :o

I just thought the world world like to know

Sounds lovely Coffee - enjoy!