How do I meet a man who doesn't just want sex?

[hatesponge]

Just that really.

I have tried the whole online stuff. If we go on a date and there's an attraction between us, there is always the expectation it will end it sex. Sometimes it does. And I never see them again. Not the end of the world, itch scratched and all that but part of me thinks well we had a decent time, why not see me again? And on the dates where there's an attraction but nothing happens (well maybe a bit of kissing but no more) I never see them again either, because obviously sex was the motivating factor and, as they didn't get it, they've moved on to an easier conquest.

It's EXACTLY the same in RL too. I meet men through work, friends etc. And then nothing, whether stuff happens or it doesnt. Sex - or more specifically one off conquests - appears to be the sole motivation.

I'm sure there must be some men who are not like this. But I don't seem to be able to attract them, and for the life of me I can't figure out why. It can't all be down to luck surely?

elephants I do think men are lucky to date me (but according to an earlier poster thinking too highly of myself is not a good thing...) I'm not exactly stand-offish but I'm not overly effusive either. I expect compliments but I wouldn't be dishing them out.

You asked about the best of my dates. I have mentioned him earlier. He is very clever (better A levels than me, which is rare). Has a v good, non-deskbound job. Better looking than his photos. Very funny. Had a really pleasant evening with him. He ext me as soon as he got home. Said he wanted to see me again. Dates were discussed but he never made a firm arrangement, he has text me since, general chit chat and 11pm booty calls .

Then you and whomever said it May need to work on your humour. When its bandied about alongside calling her cheap, or looking slutish, or any other insults that were thrown her way , the.Joke gets lost.

Sponge- I really suggest that you have a look at the Dating Coach site- Jo Hemmings.

Never giving compliments is a no-no. It's not a sign of weakness on your behalf and it doesn't show you are overly keen- everyone likes a compliment. Even men.

Have you got this in your area Sponge. www.meetup.com/. I've just signed up. You register your interest then get notified when something is going on in your area. Not dating related but men are involved

That should read interests.

And I hope Watch that you are going to go through all 15 pages here and pick out the posters who also used words that are synonomous with "cheap" etc etc. You wil find plenty.

You are out of order attacking me, alone.

I gave a lot of time to you off forum today by PM. You never once thanked me for my time , out of a busy working day, when I tried to offer some advice you asked me for, even if you didn't actually agree with the points I made. I don't want to engage with you any more in this.

No, I just think the way she was torn to shreads was awful.

For what? Wearing a red, longer than knee Lenght, strapless dress. And a bit of boob being in shot..

Its hardly parading around in hot pants and a bra top is it.

Did you hear about the ' slut walk' last year. Protesting againist these very attitudes, women should be able to wear what they like without men assuming they want sex. Just because someone has larger boobs it does not equal shes up for it. And I'm sorry, but I found yours and others posts highly offensive.

Time I've had a look. My local area can offer a Wiccan gathering or a marbling workshop...

Just looked at your profile. You sound great, I would date you if I was a man.

All I can say is it's their loss.

Oh dear sponge...

Wiccan or marbling? I'd go for marbling. Better for the home. Tough choice though.

FWIW, Watch and Time who know me (not in RL as such, but from another long running thread on here) have only tried to take my part because they know me, they know I have had a hard time with various things in the past, and clearly felt some of the criticism I had received on this thread was unfairly harsh.

I was a bit at a few things that were said, but I've had far worse in RL in the past so it really doesn't upset me.

Interestingly I have the photo of me in the red dress on a work profile (informal, internal thing for our company only). Several people today including my manager have said what a lovely photo it is. Which I guess just shows that opinions differ!

A marble slab for the kitchen, great for making pastry! The you could progress to the matching rolling pin

Then headstones! You could set up your own business! You just need to think outside the box sponge

I expect compliments but I wouldn't be dishing them out.

I think I am beginning to see where you are going wrong... .

Do you ever date men who you have known for a while as a mutual friend?

I slept with my husband on the first date, but we had known each other through friends and chatting as mates for about ten years.. I fancied him and he fancied me, and when the timing was right we got together, and have been married for ten years now.

I think you have taken all the 'constructive criticism' better than watch and I have sponge

I love the red dress pic, and if its good enough for a law firms website then there really cant be anythihg wrong with it.

Unlike the poster who said red dress screams sex. Hmmmm

Its a fab pic. You look like your having a great Time in it :) it shows.you :)

Hahaha at headstones! Brilliant!

The compliments bit, I don't go throwing compliments around on a first date. To be honest I expect a 'you look nice' or something from them. Not anything gushing. I do give compliments but generally not the first time I meet someone on a date. I do say things like I've had a nice evening, enojoyed their company, would like to do it again etc.

Most men I know through friends are attached, so no opportunities for dating there.

Sponge - think you're very brave to put your profile up. I've only seen the new version but it looks good

Met my DP through internet dating 6 years ago and now we have a dd. He was my second date.

I made lots of mistakes with my first date - spent ages talking online, built a picture in my head, met him ... and it was a massive disappointment

The only thing I would say is maybe you need to change your preferences a bit if you can, or rather be open to new ones? I thought I wanted an educated professional in a similar job to mine (magic circle type). I've ended up with a man who works with his hands and wouldn't know a gcse if it smacked him in the face He's the kindest, loveliest man ever. If I'd stuck to my original way of thinking I wouldn't even have responded to his first message as it was full of spelling mistakes

Oh and I asked him re the sex thing. He said that if he liked a woman enough to want a second date then whether they had sex on the first date or not he'd still want a second date. If he didn't like a woman enough for a second date then sex or no sex on the first date, he still wouldn't want a second date. I did ask him why he'd have sex with someone he didn't want a second date with, but the answer was basically along the lines of ...consenting adults... scratching an itch etc

To be fair to you though I don't really think sex is the big issue here, 3 instances in 4 years is hardly unusual surely.

Anyway, good luck

I would say giving a compliment to someone, particularly if you like them and would be keen to see them again is a bit of a no brainer really... even if it is just saying their taste in shoes is nice!

How do you see the other photos btw? I can only see a black and white one.

puffins, the consensus was the other photos were not good (as made me look too much of a party girl), hence just going for one with no cleavage and nothing contraversial!

That's a lovely post Puffinsaresmall, I'm pleased internet dating worked for you, it gives hope. It's interesting to hear your DH opinion too Sponge has either hidden or deleted the other photo's so you won't be able to see them.