Welcome to the Turning Tavern III

[Crushinghard]

A continuation of the TTII thread for women unexpectedly finding themselves attracted to other women.

btw I think it's unlikely that the man will clear off soon, it may be though that SHE will get bored with him (or he s not great as a lover).

oh and yo must be joking - I overthink ALOT (and been told this by all on these threads), you are the first person on here who overthinks as much or even a bit more, but I'm def in the same league!
I did say she MAY think you were weird for waiting so long but not a weird player - maybe not, it all depends whether she was devious and playing you (then she can't think you aer weird, just very under her influence). She is REALLY weird though because you ae consistent and she's not - and you never gave her silly dagger looks (what was that ever about?).

Hi there, just checking in again. Wasn't sure if this thread would be full already. Sorry to hear you're both feeling a low about things. I've been moping. No idea what to do. When she's around in an official capacity i find it hard to hold it together. As soon as the meeting's over she's back to being vivacious and flirtatious (I never know whether she's directing it at me, or whether it's just what she does for ego purposes) and I feel incredibly shy, to the point of finding it hard to make eye contact or speak to her. Her whole spirit is so purposeful, so alive.

She's not much older than me really, but I love the way time and experience and doing a job she's passionate about seem to have honed her features and given her such strength. Sometimes it feels like she's hanging around just to speak to me, and then there are moments where she seems to get tongue-tied about speaking to me specifically (which is very unusual for her) or is looking at me from the other side of the room, her whole body turned in my direction, but talking to someone else and we're both waiting for the opportunity to speak to one another, but can't seem to find the courage. Other times I worry about my performance at work and if it's suffering because of my crush, and what she makes of it. and i worry about whether i'm just imagining that she feels the same way. Sigh.

Still getting a mixture of professional/cold sounding texts and emails and more friendly ones, but nothing much there to analyse. Haven't had an opp to be alone with her recently, but may do so in the next week or so.

NotFor, well no doubt soon his will become a TT IV, so the topic won't disappear don't worry! Is your wiq single? sorry if you already said as this was a while ago. No i think she's with a P but no dc(?). If you work together that's ideal - you see her all the time and have a perfect reason to go for coffes together - God I WISH I was in that situation with wiq, I bet anything that I'd be a closer friend by now if not more! You see, my wiq did the same at one pint especally - looked at me with her body turned towards me and sort of fixed to the spot for a while (even though I wasn't really looking (I hav very good peripheral vision). I can't say I'm completely low as somehow I haven't completely given up on this (it surprises me that even as I decided to cool my efforts the actual feeling is still of some hope - though not much hope). Why not ask her for a coffee? you have to get used to eye contact, I think it's hard to start but easy afterwards - I juzt love eyecontact with wiq, no problem for me with that.

Hi Likea, well remembered about my WIQ's situation, that's spot-on. I think you're doing amazingly well, it's so hard to deal with not just uncertainty, but with the grain of hope which sort of taunts us. I definitely have days when I feel like that too.

In theory our working together should make it easy for me to suggest coffee etc, but in reality, although we have done that once or twice it was most definitely work-related, and at that point I hadn't yet become aware of my own feelings. They were sort of bubbling away under the radar. Interestingly, looking back I realised the night I became aware of how I felt (not even 3 weeks ago, but feels like a lifetime!) I was ovulating, and I read somewhere that female gaydar (if you believe in such a thing) - or bi-dar, even, has been shown in scientific studies to be incredibly accurate when we're ovulating. apparently this applies when women are shown a momentary snapshot of someone they've never even met in real life! So that realisation has given me some hope that i'm not just losing it... then again, even if she is bi, there's nothing to say she'd be attracted to me personally, any more than she would any random man that came her way.

However, perhaps i'm afraid to give away how i'm feeling by suggesting something like coffee. I'm afraid she'll reject me, but i'm also sort of afraid she won't. Then i'll have to do something about it, and I realise the possible repercussions which might result if people found out. Not because of homophobia, but because of the fact we're both in relationships. and of course I have kids to consider. She's already quite a powerful figure in my life, and i'm wary of becoming overshadowed by her. It's happened to me in my relationships with men quite a bit, and taken me quite a while to get my own identity back. Then again, if it was just sex, maybe i'd hold more of the cards... I also worry about how i'd look to her naked. As a woman maybe she'd be more aware of my shortcomings than a man who just thinks 'boobs- good, arse - good, legs -good' insert cock and voila! women are maybe more critical...

hmm interesting...so you actually want a no strings sex with her, not potentially a r-ship? I can see why, you explained, plus your family situation (and your P knows you aer bi, I think?), but can you actually do it? the way you find it hard to even hold an eye contact and seem to admire her a lot suggests that you feel more than just sexual excitement - or an i wrong? The thing is if you do want just sex then you have to be muchmore light hearted playful and brazen, then she may respond in the same way. I'm not sure why are you worried if you'll have to do smth about it - I mean would you want to just stay in a fantasy - if you were then why ask all these questions, sounds like you do want to act on it. If shetured you down than it's more of a problem as you work together and as outmy knows, can cause horrid atmosphere but also gossip. You know I did wonder about my wiq on here, whether she would also much prefer just a sexual liason - say if I or another woman she found attractive offered, and both wanted it to stay under wraps, maybe she'd go for it, sa she doesn't want to upset her usual life and image of herself. But she can see I'm not likely to be the type for superficial flings, not with her anyway, and maybe htat's why all these vibes i felt from her came to nothing as she thought I'd not be easygoing about it (?). And yes, I'd definitely want a relationship even if to start with would be happy to keep it secret for quite a while - but not forever. We would both need to see whether it worked so just as well. As to your naked body comment - did yo uonly come across men who ae that primitive?? they hinestly don't all see it like that, also quite a number have problems in bed and it's not simple for then to get aroused even with a good lookig woman. I'd say it's easier with a woman if you enarmoured with each other as there is no Performance as such, and women are more sensitive and won't demand having sex with light on to start with, if they think a partner is sesitive!

oops, just wrote a long post which dissapeared when i tried to post it!

i know i sound confused. i think my feelings towards her are deepening and i don't know what to do about it. flirting is so much easier when there's no real weight behind it. i used to be able to just laugh off her innuendos towards me, or fire one back but last time it happened, a few days ago, i just found i didn't know what to say. i felt slightly melancholy for some reason! i managed to smile and laugh, but not sure if it looked genuine.

Sort of along the lines of what you were saying about your WIQ not wanting to disturb the view she has of herself, i think it's possible that my WIQ and I could both be along similar lines; if by some miracle i can try to convince myself my feelings are purely sexual then hopefully things will be lighter, more fun, more natural perhaps and more likely to happen? if she senses the true extent of how i feel she'll probably run a mile!

I was being a bit flippant about men & sexual attitudes, but i definitely don't feel dh looks at my body as critically as i do, or as another woman might. then again not having to have the lights on would be a bonus!

so she does give you innuendos? it could of course be purely jocular/pretend, but if not then you could give it a try (initiate omething) before it goes deeper in your mind - the feelings that outmy and I have aer paralysing really i.e. yo ujust can't approach in light hearted way but don't have courage to tell about the extent of feelings (and shouldn't really unless they want to know). Maybe you can still be light hearted after that one wobble. I'd be surprised though if BOTH of your partners aer so understanding unless hers (and wiq) aer swinging or looking for threesomes. Which you wouldn't want. I just would find it amazing that both men would be happy with you two conducting an affair, with a danger that you both leave them (always a risk). Maynbe you felt sad because you felt that nothing was going to happen for all these reasons. It's be so much better for ou to find a single open mimded woman who's not after r-ship just to be sexual with. If she's not te first one yo uever liked there should be others..
Lots of lesbians aer not beautiful so they do survive looking at each other's imperfect bodies! Of course like with any gender, there aer some who want very trim parners only - it applies to men too btw, some do want perfection, thankfully a small minority. Most people go for the whole person approach if they fancy/like them/like their face, and generally attraction is often not logical.

I think you really should ask her out for a coffee - I don't mean to talk directly about it but talk about anything else (not just work) and then just observe the vibes away from work situation. You really have nothing to lose, at least you will sense more what she feels (or doesn't). If she runs a mile and makes excuses then she prob suspects and doesn't want to go there, apar from mild flirting. But if she goes you can then see, maybe you can switch to more light mode.

outmy you aer prob fedup with the questions about my wiq but if you have time have a look at my last posts before Notfor posted, I just want to understand whether i can not see something that you can (re telling her directly).

hi outmy, i don't think you can help those residual feelings, why shouldn't we live in hope? beats the alternative! as long as we can get on with the rest of our lives too...

well, without wishing to out myself, we both found ourselves working late this evening. no-one else around. i was so tongue-tied though, she was trying to chat and i just gave sort of monosyllabic answers until she went back into her office. she did seem a bit nervous, actually -not many wise-cracks or innuendos this time - or maybe i was just projecting my own feelings onto her?

Anyway, i'm sorry to disappoint anyone hoping for juicy office-based girly stuff but i lost my nerve, made my excuses and left. she said something in her goodbyes which made it sound like perhaps she would've preferred me to stay longer. but as she's kinda my boss, i suppose she could've meant 'stay here and work!'

As far as my relationship with dh goes, i've told him all this and he said 'why didn't you ask her to go for a drink?' Which makes him pretty cool, i guess. don't know what he'd think if i told him i was feeling more emotional about her though. God, she looked lovely tonight. dh says i look pretty hot too when i got home, and says he's always suspected she had a thing for me. which probably sounds like an incredibly weird conversation to have. he's also suggested i bring her home (surprised?) i was like 'yeah right, and give the kids a Chandler complex?!')

you mean the feeling that all is not finished with yours, or your feeling towards her?
well obviously Im still hoping a bit - I can't just stop for good suddenly ! I mean even you aer saying that 'at the moment' she is closed pff but sounds like this may change, and i did say before that I will not close the door for couple of weeks while I try a cooler behaviour - after all she WAS warm recently it's just the last timne was too matter of fact but it was friendly, it's just suddenly i feel like I ran out of steam, which may come back easily if she does do something. I just can't hoping all the time, need a break. I'm not sure that me spelling it out will make it real necessarily, she may still shut it off as me 'being silly' or 'not being serious'. But if does make it real, then it's a danger that she will resent me making it real for her when she would rather not. Maybe she doesn't want it real - and the if it's made real then will just get annoyed, as i say I'm worried she only wantsit as a mild fantasy (if at all).

is he after a threesome then? I still will be amazed if conveniently both of your partenres were cool with it AND didn't want some swinging scenario if they were!
I think you aer so tongue tied etc because you just don't feel she d be an option which is realistic (i.e, easy to manage/control).

the first post was for outmy obv (didn't expect NotF replying in gthe same time!)

btw outmy, I do understand that you aer working crazy hours sometimes, so of course only reply when you have time/ebergy - I was just worried that you are too depressed to write, don't mind if other reasons!

outmy it's far too early for me to think about ohters - this shift in my thinking only earlier this week! I did obv think about future witjout her responding already, when she was off with me , and alwaysthought that I'm more likely to go back to dating men but the hting is I'm really tuned out sexually now from them. I'm sureif i met hte RIGH?T person it could come back, but generally speaking i have no desires for men now. Another woman is extremely unlikely as not many aer that way inclined and single (and open about it), it's all specualtion though, you can only deal with it if and when some option comes your way really. I'll bew doing some trvelling around for now as I say (in new area) and will be going onholiday for a week also with relatives. I'm not feeling ill right now from all the thinking though i did have thee moments before (mainly from longing for her rather than thinking). As I say if she decides to raise the subject I'm still there for a while as it takes times to move on completely.
The thing is outmy, why are you looking at her? just don't look when she walks past - she sees it and thinks you'll start a chat and then races past - why do you needthis humiliation? also your face may be moreexpressive than you think and your looks at her may seem emotional and that's why she avoids. Yes it's clear she's not interested but I still think she was before and she may have got involved with someone (you seen to always dismiss this point - it could be as simple as that, and not active dislike of you, just cooling off), but I blamew her for not talking to you in a very direct way saying she's involved or sayiong that what happened was her mistake and sorry if that led you on, she is definitely just not a nice person. j/ust start ignoring her too.

this shift.. happened*

I think you still hoping for something is just a habit - you've been doing it for so long, it's not necessarily a sign of something promising (it may be similar with me but I'd say I have a slightly higher chance as at least we are in a more sane scenarion with my wiq). If there ever was a chance with yours it could only happen if you completely stop showing attention unless she comes to you (I'm not encouraging you now, but just saying nothing will happen for sure with the current pattern of you looking at her and paying attention). I wonder what happens is she asks you to volunteeer - be careful as she might just want to check whether you ae coming back, but not in a good way. If it's in a good way, she will try and pursuade you if you seem unsure.

Hiya Outmy and Likea - i've taken it upon myself to start a new thread

here