When life throws you potatoes, make chips! Be disappointed but never defeated! Dating thread No:13

[ChaoticAngel]

"you say potato, I say potatNO"

Down with potatoes

As you were....

I wouldn't say that was jealousy Snape, I would say that is your self respect making a stand. You had every right to feel those things. Your ex made a decision which took away your choices.

watch, totally agree. It does seem that cheating on a partner is far easier than than talking about feelings and problems for some. Very sad.

In fact, I used to say to my ex, 'if you meet someone else, tell me before you sleep with her, that I could accept and deal with, an affair I wouldn't.' I'm just too bloody reasonable for my own good I am

very true Poppa!

suspect we tend to have too much invested in relationships, we go along with the fantasy of romantic love, expect our partner to fix us and complete us, thus giving them the power to break and fragment us.

I see marriage as an economic arrangement which is convenient for the purposes of raising children

I never expected my partner to fix me or complete me. I did however expect him to have respect for me, especially as he claimed to love me.

I must add being cheated on destroys a lot of your self esteem, self worth and confidence. If it doesn't work or they fall on love with someone else its easier.

loves - no, i dont think thats the case, i dont expect any partner to ' fix me' what i do expect, if my partner has married me and said the vows to love, honour and cherish, forsaking all others, that he fucking sticks to them.

My husband started cheating 4 weeks after we got married. When i married him we had never lived together. I gave up my home town, family, friends, job and moved in with him in a new area. We were making a house, shagging 5 -6 times a day, i was cooking, cleaning, being all wifey while working a full time job, and while i was doing this, do you know what he was doing@ shagging the local bike who was known in the village as ' pat butcher' for obvious reasons. His cheating continued, each tour, while i was keeping the home fires burning so to speak he was internet dating from iraw, shagging female soldiers, paying for prostitues in kenya, getting girls to send him nude pictures from the uk. And then there were the affairs on top of all that... the affairs when i was preganant with out planned child, or when he got R&R from afgan and rather than see his baby daughter, and wife, he told us he hadnt got r&R and actually he stayed in brize norton with a prositiue before returing to war. or when, finally after splittiing up, he convinced me to go back, so yet again, after spending 2 years starting my life from scratch, i gave it all up to be with him, and literally 5 weeks after doing so he started an affair with a teenager who he was meant to be ' looking after' at army cadets.
And im sorry, but this is not a rare occurance, i have unfortunatley known too many men who have behaved in this manner, its not a sign the marriage is on the rocks and its not less painful if the marriage ends without a third party. its just not. And while i have got over it, as people do, without a doubt there are massive great scars and many that will not be healed because my trust was stolen by a man unable to keep it in his pants.

Bugger, typed a great long message with bits for everyone & got that stupid validation message & lost the lot!!

sponge - the absolute turd, the scumbag, the shitty scrote - how bloody dare he. Huge hugs to you.

Miranda - glad your date went well. Is there another one in the offing? Do you really like / fancy him?

Waves to everyone else & stomps foot at wasted effort of long message encompassing so many that I can't face retyping again!

Post would the back button help retrieve it? The back button has been my saviour with my 'lost' posts

Well, I am ok. Sad, but ok. I had a long chat to a friend last night which helped- as did all your kind words. I don't think there was any way I could have foressen it. Just one of the perils of dating. I'm not going to think too much about it or analyse why he behaved as he did.

It also helped that he was too short, and not clever enough for me (no man I meet is other than the Barbour )

I have got one or maybe even 2 dates for the weekend but I might not bother...they're both a bit young and stupid, and I think this week I've probably had enough of idiots to last me a lifetime. Have lots to do at home, including trying desperately to find a new job to get me out of this hellhole; work is continuing on a downward spiral.

watch just

that is an ASTOUNDING amount of cheating watch
surely he was a statistical outlier in the cheating stakes??
I mean how many men, given the opportunity would cheat to that degree?

loves and adams, - if you ever read any of the threads on the board dealing with the fall out when a woman finds out her husband is cheating, i very much doubt you would be so blass about the whole thing.

Sponge if the end of his willy didn't show beneath the hem of his kilt he certainly is not worth your thoughts!

You can do so much better!

The dates might be a bit of light relief for you? Give you a chance to get dressed up and flash that smile of yours, take your mind off your crap week?

loves, no, he wasnt. i know lots of men, i spent 13 years sourrounded by them. it was not uncommon and he was one of the lesser ones.

so forgive me, but your ' it doesnt hurt less when therer is a 3rd party, or there is something wrong in the marriage bullshit' falls on deaf ears.

I have seen too many women, far fucking too many ( and not just friends) totally lose their homes, lifes, friends, family, and marriages over men who cheat. i refuse point blank to be part of it, and im as far as i can see, there is no grey area.

your ' it doesnt hurt less when therer is a 3rd party, or there is something wrong in the marriage bullshit' falls on deaf ears
that wasnt my 'bullshit'

I just said that nothing is black and white, it just seems that way to you because of your personal experience, I have no experience of extreme cheating like that

Just as you did watch, you lost everything, your whole life changed because The Ex chose to be unfaithful. He had a choice, you and your DD weren't given a choice.

Maybe it seems that way to youloves because of your personal experience??

Time no chance of that, it was more girth than length!

I'm undecided about the dates. Will give it some thought tonight. One of them is quite funny but a complete idiot though, in his 20, still lives at home (for which he apologises in his profile!)and is banned from driving (ditto). He thinks I'm cute - which is not a word I've had used to describe me since 1975 I might go...but I might not.

and that isnt even all the cheating... there was lots more.

I think one of the worst things i witnessed, was when an aquantinces husband was out in iraq. They had only recently ( last 3 months) got married, he was all over her, it was a bit much..:) she did the give everything up thing, and she fell pregnant on their honeymood. While she was pregnant, she had complications...which she had to deal with on her own, as he was in iraq. Tony blair announced we were' officially at war' on the thur evening. Our husbands had been out there for months already.. unable to conact them as being the first ones out there comms werent set up. We would go weeks with no conatact before getting a 3 second, middle of the night phone call. The next day the first 4 deaths were announced, noone knew who they were, they could have been our husbands. This poor woman was in hospital having invasive tests, not knowing if her husband had been blown out of the skies. Do you know what he was doing at that time? having an orgy with 3 american women soldiers!!

deplorable.

I doubt we are going to make much progress if we start on the age old philosophical debate about whether morality is relative or absolute....

perhaps the forces self select for sociopathy??

time, exactly, i paid for his infedility. as the majority of wives do, and they children to. He had a choice, i didnt. the situation was forced on me.

Loves - perhaps thats just your experience... mine is different, though sadly not uncommon, as i said, read the relationship board.....

yes, obviusly this country is defended by socipaths.

for goodness sake...!! i think you are just being inflamatory now for the sake of it.

Sponge might be good for a laugh definitely not dating material though!! I'm pleased you can still laugh and I do hope you get the work situation sorted out. You spend far too much time of your life at work to be miserable while there.

I didn't realise we were starting such a debate loves

I have had a marriage break up FYI. I personally would have preferred him to admit he had cheated than lie about it at the time. Because if he had he would have been chucked out pronto, instead he tried to cheat behind my back and lie his way back in at the same time. Anyway it was a long time ago now.