When life throws you potatoes, make chips! Be disappointed but never defeated! Dating thread No:13

[ChaoticAngel]

"you say potato, I say potatNO"

Down with potatoes

As you were....

haha ' unless you are actually in a def leppard band' yeah - he wasnt.
I dont know, i know what its like when you are measuring men aganist somone whos special - honestly, ive been there, it just takes time.... i dont measure them now and havent for a long long time... but maybe someone will come along and knock your socks off, you know?

time - oh no, that is freaky, i hate that...

milk - he gave you his number, then call him!!!!!!! men are just blind, or stupid. or both :)

these things are not black and white, lots of people do get involved whis'lst still attached & they are not necessarily deplorable

Milk Are you sure that he isn't interested in you because from you have just posted, he is! I think he is hinting big time and is waiting for some sort of signal from you that you are interested in him. Maybe, because you do fancy him, you are giving off an air that you don't? Miss Cool! I agree with Snape, you should phone him.

Watch, yes, it is freaky, I can see him joining my very long block list.

I wouldn't shag a married man. I'm no one's second best!

I would shag q married man, so long as he was married to me but other than that no. Seperated and divorcing does not count as married though does it?

loves I think if someone who is married sets out to have an affair rather than end their marriage, they are deplorable. Just my opinion.

A friend of mine once had a theory that we behave un-naturally with men we fancy and that's why they don't fall at our feet. We are more ourselves with ones we don't and therefore more alluring.

Take for instance you meet one of your mates boyfriends. You don't fancy him but get to know him because it's polite to. How many times have you thought, god I can see what she sees in him. It's because he's off limits as a potential mate and therefore you act naturally with him and get to know the person. Something like this.

I wouldn't want to go with a mm either but then I avoid casual sex nowadays, so would need to be a few dates in and plenty of time to suss him out.

Yes, I agree with your friends theory adams.

im afraid i think that too. if hes married and is purposly conducting affairs then he is a shit. Its not a grey area, especially if there are children involved.

If the marriage isnt working out then it should be ended.

Absolutely Watch. Having an affair could be considered the easy option. Seeing another person makes living at home more bearable, it brings a diversion and some relief from the problems, without having to 'lose everything'. But it's not right.

adams I think that is definitely true. I was actually thinking that yesterday. The guy I didn't fancy I didn't feel self concious just going up to and talking with etc. Yet the guy I did fancy I felt really awkward around (even though I was trying not to show it)

Oh, and he gave me his number because I asked for it It means nothing though sadly. People go to these things for networking, and it's totally acceptable to ask for numbers. Nobody is going to say no. He didn't ask for mine Whereas the other guy did (of course!) I asked them both at the same time in a highly casual fashion, just so Mr Gorgeous didn't realise I was actually proposing to him.

Totally out of my league in every way. Probably only dates Brazilian supermodels. Not that I'm bitter about it or anything.

i really cant see that anything in human life is really black and white...and i'd never presume to know how other people 'should' conduct their lives..

Sorry he was such a Fuckmuppet/wankbadger Sponge. I can understand you feeling down but don't blame yourself for not seeing what he was like. The alternative would be to be suspicious of everyone which I personally think will get you no where. Sounds pretty shitty at work too. Is there anything else you can do this weekend?

When is the next date Lubey?

btw I haven't had a proposal yet, just get the feeling that it will be soon! Arggghghhh

Oh, and I'm with the majority on the married man thing.

If you aren't happy with your marriage or relationship then end it. Don't go f**king around behind the other persons back, until you find somebody to trade them in for.

It is the lowest of low behaviour.

its not. At all. Full stop. Its not even indicitave of marriage problems, my arsehole ex husband started the first of his many affairs a month after we got married.. which was so very nice of him.
I could never ever inflict that sick to the pit of your stomach feeling, when a wife finds out, usually by a text or email. i dont ever want to be part of someones world being ripped out from under their feet.

Totally agree watch. And Milk

Some things are black and white in the mind of some people. And all that pain and hurt, lifelong pain and hurt, caused just for the sake of what amounts to a shag and an ego stroke.

sure but is it rational to extrapolate from your own experience and apply that to everyone else?
Surely you're not really a moral absolutist??

As to being second best, even as my ex's wife I was, he would rather cheat, watch porn or phone chat lines than be with me, yet I have been told by jf that I was great. So how does that work?

My marriage is in the process of a divorce and I never cheated despite getting offers.

I will never agree or accept that it's fine to cause pain to another person just to relieve a pain or frustration. By having an affair you are running away from the real issue, avoiding causing yourself any discomfort, pain and/or unpleasantness and are happy to take the risk that your wife/husband be caused those things instead. What is wrong with taking responsibility for yourself and acting responsibility. Damage limitation. Walk away from the unhappiness rather than spread it.

I will not willingly put myself in position of second best. Which by having an affair with a married man I would be doing. The wife also would be second best. The person in priority position would be the deceiver. You were put in the position of second best by the actions of your ex MLM, you didn't willingly put yourself there.

time i agree with your conclusion but it does not follow from your premise.
Your argument is invalid since it rests on assumptions which may or may not apply in indivudual cases

Agree with everything Time has said wrt mm.

I also agree that we act more naturally around men we don't fancy.

Have to go out now so will see you later.

really thats just a load of old cliches and psycho babble..

Walking away from a marriage with or without a third party involved would cause pain, presuming the one left actually loved their spouse. It's not always black and white, I agree with that. I don't think the presence or known presence of a third party makes it more painful when a marriage breaks down.

Well, as we only know how we feel or would feel we cannot speak for others so we don't really know whether the pain caused by infidelity is a greater or lesser pain caused by a 'straightforward' marriage break down. What I do know is that I would never willingly enable a man to deceive his wife and be a party to whatever degree of pain she would feel if she found out.