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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Beautifulwho had to call women's aid

271 replies

beautifulwho · 25/04/2012 09:25

I have taken my debit cards back, my DH was not happy, he was really angry that I wouldn't give him them back 'think of the boys, when you've spent all our money and there's no food for them'. He was pacing, shouting, broke the stair gate by banging it closed and stood in the doorway holding my DS2 not letting me through whilst shouting at me. I asked him to trust me to not spend money as yes this has been an issue (taking boys into town for coffee, getting them a toy etc when feeling low) not massive amounts but we don't have massive amounts of spare cash.

He wouldn't leave for work and was incensed that I wouldn't give the cards back. I kept praying whilst he was shouting for strength and he text the pastor's wife before driving off to work telling her I had stolen my cards and was planning on going on a spending spree. She said there is not a lot they can do if we can't resolve arguments by ourselves but they will come over tomorrow afternoon. I told her how he behaved but she wasn't bothered really, exasperated probably. I'm shakin and crying and so alone I don't know what to do. No-one to contact for impartial advice so I called women's aid and they will call back when a volunteer is free...sorry for another one of these threads but I just feel so mixed up. He said I wa on a downer and not making sense and not answering his questions. I'm lost again x

OP posts:
LyssaM · 01/05/2012 08:29

I am praying for you.

I don't really know what to suggest for the best, these are my best guesses.

  1. Don't react to him
  2. keep some form of journal in a safe place - google docs if you think you will be able to keep access to a computer
  3. clear browsing history
  4. Keep your phone charged and near you at all times and do call the police if necessary
  5. Get plans in place for a quick exit. He will want to keep control of you and the children.
  6. If necessary post in the safe place but keep posting if you can, you need the support and the points of view of people who do not want to abuse you and who are not concerned with keeping up their appearances.

Hope someone more knowledgeable will post soon.

Jux · 01/05/2012 08:35

Agree with Lyssa. You have mail btw.

foolonthehill · 01/05/2012 10:05

could move the thread to off the beaten track which cannot be searched.

definitely set your internet to clear browsing history on logging out and do "private browsing" (see spanner icon to set this up top right)

collect important documents together in one place and preferably out of the house in case your honeymoon period stops suddenly.

know in your mind what you are going to do when he returns to his usual form.

thinking of you beautiful.

glastocat · 01/05/2012 12:03

What the others said, please be careful! My heart just dropped when I read that he called you that! Your dreams are just your subconscience screaming at you that you are in danger. PLEASE get away from this man, he will never change.

lazarusb · 01/05/2012 12:51

Please keep yourself safe, on here as well as real life. What he said was quite chilling. Namechange if you need to and log out.

So much for the honeymoon period.

beautifulwho · 01/05/2012 13:11

But what if he was being nice? Would be a bit of an overreaction on my part if I was wrong! This all feels an over reaction now really. I will keep posting but wondering if he is trying?

I'll txt him and ask him if he wants me to make a Dr's appointment about his sleep groping and anger issues, that will be a good indicator if he's just playing the mind games again x

OP posts:
foolonthehill · 01/05/2012 13:14

beautiful it doesn't matter whether he was being nice or playing mind games. the very fact that you are worried that it might be games shows the sort of relationship you are in.

It never hurts to stay safe online or in real life.

Don't go back to minimising what he does, read your own threads if you need to. Get them deleted/moved if you feel safer that way.

xxfool

naturalbaby · 01/05/2012 13:40

Carry on as 'normal' and either pretend or ignore the fact that he may/may not have got onto MN, meanwhile you really do need a plan of action for a worse case scenario. Like a fire escape plan - you may never need it but if you do then being in control will keep you stron.

I wouldn't text him or offer to make a Dr appointment for him - it's his issue, he knows the score so he needs to do it himself. It will prove his intentions - he's either just saying what you want to hear or he really means it.

lazarusb · 01/05/2012 14:46

Keeping yourself safe and private should be your priority. If he was being nice why did he say it without emotion? Why has he never said it before?

Jux · 01/05/2012 21:07

Do you think he was being nice? Why did he say morning, when he had woken you up coming to bed? Wasn't it night time?

lazarusb · 02/05/2012 16:21

Can you please let us know you are ok beautiful?

MarvellousYou · 02/05/2012 16:29

I know BeautifulWho and she is ok x

MarvellousYou · 02/05/2012 16:35

Should add DH hasn't got a clue he was just being nice, he would've mentioned it by now, he can't hold onto anything for too long without taking it out on others, so I'm safe. I love mumsnet.

LyssaM · 02/05/2012 16:36

I am still praying!

MarvellousYou · 02/05/2012 16:37

Thank you Lyssa! Thanks

lazarusb · 02/05/2012 16:52

Thank you Marvellous. Was just a little bit concerned. Glad he's being nice, long may that last Smile

MarvellousYou · 02/05/2012 17:29

Grin Wink

MarvellousYou · 02/05/2012 17:33

Thank you for your concern lazarus. I have been around and will update when I can. Was going to change my NN to Jesuswept but it creeped me out a little that people might shorten it and although i'm known for being Beautiful and Marvellous , Jesus is maybe going a teeny bit too far HmmGrin

Jux · 02/05/2012 17:46

Grin One of the porters in the little hospital where mum worked when we were kids was called Jesus. My brothers and I thought it was marvellous. We loved talking to him so we could use his name!

AnnaBegins · 02/05/2012 18:02

Glad you are ok, praying for you.

Dozer · 02/05/2012 19:48

Get this thread deleted?

Please take care, make plans with the WA woman.

We're all here for you.

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