Beautifulwho had to call women's aid

[beautifulwho]

I have taken my debit cards back, my DH was not happy, he was really angry that I wouldn't give him them back 'think of the boys, when you've spent all our money and there's no food for them'. He was pacing, shouting, broke the stair gate by banging it closed and stood in the doorway holding my DS2 not letting me through whilst shouting at me. I asked him to trust me to not spend money as yes this has been an issue (taking boys into town for coffee, getting them a toy etc when feeling low) not massive amounts but we don't have massive amounts of spare cash.

He wouldn't leave for work and was incensed that I wouldn't give the cards back. I kept praying whilst he was shouting for strength and he text the pastor's wife before driving off to work telling her I had stolen my cards and was planning on going on a spending spree. She said there is not a lot they can do if we can't resolve arguments by ourselves but they will come over tomorrow afternoon. I told her how he behaved but she wasn't bothered really, exasperated probably. I'm shakin and crying and so alone I don't know what to do. No-one to contact for impartial advice so I called women's aid and they will call back when a volunteer is free...sorry for another one of these threads but I just feel so mixed up. He said I wa on a downer and not making sense and not answering his questions. I'm lost again x

Aye well, your "d"h isn't exactly Mr Trustworthy in the judgement stakes is he

I will probably have to namechange after this but DH is right, two people, both having marital problems (if he can overlook I'm fugly) meeting up, I trust him, I may, however, may not be so I avoid, avoid, avoid x

That made no sense sorry, I'm a little tired x

I'm glad your diamond didn't turn into h, and I'm glad you're still in touch albeit tentatively.

Yes me too, tbh I don't think it is about being sexually attracted to my friend, I think it's about wanting to be close and safe with someone, it's not about lust, sometimes I just want to be curled up with someone safe who could hold me without groping me. I have to stop myself thinking about it x

Let's face it, if I leave DH I will never get to feel safe with anyone else. I know why women would rather die than leave and be alone

Disagree with you there, beautiful. Can't see any reason why you wouldn't be safe with someone in the future.

I think you will have to go through some stuff first, but there's time for that. The Freedom Programme springs to mind. I wonder if that would help you now, or whether it would be better for you to wait a bit yet. I don't know a great deal about it, but have only heard good things about it. Maybe someone who knows more about it can help?

I hope you're not thinking that you are one of those who would rather die than leave? That's just fear of change, fear of the future. Your future could be so bright, joyful. Don't be scared.

I agree with Jux - once you have found your own strength, beautiful you will meet someone who is right for you. It will take time, but it will happen.

Beautiful, lots and lots of posters on here have found safety, love and joy after difficult childhoods and relationship(s), with or without a new partner.

Being single is OK, it can be great! You sound like someone who, given the chance, could have lovely friends, work, home, spiritual life. And you may meet someone to be with who is good to you. But even if not, it could still be good.

You're not alone.

I truly can't understand how you can be more afraid of being alone than with this creepy loser.

Have you read your last posts?

The person you want is NOT your husband.

If you continue with him you will just be further damaged. :(

I was single for five years before I met dp - I'm not a very strong believer but he's evidence to me that someone up there's got my interests at heart. I needed that time being purely myself to work out what I had to offer the world.

You're in a much stronger position than I was. You have two children who adore you and a God to pray to.

You don't feel safe now do you? So being on your own, or with someone else in the future can only be an improvement.
I never thought I deserved to be happy when I was with my ex. I believed what he told me. He was wrong and so was I.

Beautiful, remember that you can't work through his problems for him. Do you think he is willing to go through the pain of working through them for himself? I'm afraid it sounds more likely that he will 'work through them' on you, damaging you more and more and continually blaming you for it.

You will get more and more depressed and feel more and more culpable, confused and miserable.

It's a bleak picture.

Can you get counselling - not church counselling, but NHS type counselling? It'll give you more backup, which you definitely need.

Where are your children in all this?

I will go back to the GP this week and ask to be put on the waiting list but it will most likely be with the same tractor as DH.

I'm feeling like it's all water under the bridge, quite numb about everything. DH promises he can change but I guess the proof is in the pudding as they say. I have felt absolutely exhausted today, didn't stand at all at church which is a bit of a faux pas but others don't, just not like me. I just couldn't find the energy from anywhere. Hope I'm not going on or boring you all with all this. DH is being very gropey and I've told him to stop, urgh such a turn off when he's forever touching and making innuendos, guess I'll be in the spare bedroom tonight! Hope you're all ok and thanks for reading x

Same counsellor! Not tractor, sry DS was talking about tractors!

at tractor, kids love'em don't they!

Yes, spare room, he shouldn't be doing that

Good plan re GP.

Love the idea of your dh being seen by a tractor! Wonderful imagery!

There should be more than one counsellor available. Your dh's counsellor should refuse to see you - conflict of interest and all that. I would be shocked if you did end up seeing the same one, and if you did then you should report the counsellor for bad practice.

Yes, the proof of the pudding is in the eating. May I suggest you set a time limit for yourself so you're not waiting around forever to see what, if anything, he does to improve and change his behaviour and attitude. I think for your own sanity you need to set quite a close time limit. Also, there's your boys; they'll be picking up on this, whether they actually witness anything or not. Don't leave it too long, beautiful (that's a plea, not an order!).

So you're going to be spending the night in the Cath Kidston Room ......

Beautifulwho - this is the first time I've posted on this thread, though I have been following it.
I'm so sad for you that you think it's ok to be treated like this.
Only on friday you had essentially a crisis meeting about your husbands behaviour, including the way he essentially is assaulting you at night. Yet today he is groping you?
Something is very wrong with this. If he had any willingness to change, he would surely be mindful of unwanted sexual advances. I'm familiar with unwanted displays of affection too, now thankfully a thing of the past, and the feeling of stress that I had during this time was horrible.
You really deserve to be treated better than this, hopefully you will realise it yourself soon too.

I agree with amverytired. His behaviour hasn't changed because he still thinks he has a right to do it. Nothing that has happened in the last week has sunk in. He's making the right noises, he knows what you want to hear but ultimately he is convinced you are in the wrong and you probably don't really mean it.

No wonder you feel exhausted.

How are you today, beautiful?

Tractor/counselor - possibly the best typo ever!

Hun, he is not changing, he is treating you as a sexual object he has rights to - he doesnt! Sex should be respectful not expected even in marriage. As laza said he thinks he is in the right and he will wear you down to accept it. Dont let him hun, you are worth so much more.

beautiful. How are you?

I'm still here floating along in the 'honeymoon period', things just run of the mill here, we'll see how things are in a week or so. Cancelled elders coming round tonight, no point really. Hope I don't have to come on here in crisis again too soon. Here's hoping and praying things hold out for a bit. At least it was sunny today x

Il pleut comme les vaches qui pissent here today!

OK, so you want to hang about for the moment. Can you make a plan for when he returns to form while you're waiting?

I think that's what I'll do with the lady from women's aid on Friday. Had awful dreams about serial killers and demons last night, urgh. Feel like I've ran a marathon before I've even started the day. Husband did something very odd last night and I was really . I woke up when he came to bed and he said 'morning beautiful' but with no emotion, he has never called me that before. My face dropped and he just carried on looking at me. I just said 'morning ' and went back to sleep. I'm wondering if he's been on my iPod or mumsnet and has found this thread. What should I do?