The Dating Thread - Part 12. How NOT to lose the will to live. Sense of humour essential!

[TimeForMeAndDD]

Good morning everyone! Had to start a new thread as the old one is no longer receiving posts.

Fill yer boots!

absolutely dont mother him notsure another dependant child is probably the last thing you need! :)

notsure, that sounds like a very useful conversation from your point of view. I'm prepared to bet a glass of champagne the more you back off, the more he will try to take you out etc!

MrsKL - so great about MrLovely. Love your name BTW, have visions of you as a blonde with a megawat smile wearing yellow trousers!!

PBB : both, Italian biker I nearly had an accident with, and he invited me for a coffee to calm me down (was shaking) would have been a pity to kill him before anything happened....
MKL : thank you for the piece of advice, in fact did meet another one and he was really wierd....so will definitively steer clear now...

Mr. Nice Businessman would like us to meet when a) he comes back from London and then b) when I come back from London...

Mr Gardener would most probably like to make sure that my ladygarden is all in order, but we shall see....quite capable of trimming my bush on my own for the moment...plus he make the most horrendous spelling mistakes and I must be a snob but then again perhaps not, because Italian Biker is a gardener too.....

whoops, makes not make : sometimes I'm hopeless too....

notsure, i think that shows how serious his intentions of ' thrashing it out' were... i suspect he is guilty of ' strining along nonsense that blokes do' . Id just finish it with him once and for all and move on.

sponge - glad you feel a bit more relaxed :)

on the emotionally unavaliable, i think that could have been true of me at some points, but that actually, it was more of a natural barrier to stop myself getting hurt in various situations which i probably knew were not good for me. If someone was loving, and non game playing, and reliable and reassuring and i trusted them then i know i wouldnt be emotionally unavaliable. i dont think its a bad thing to be though, a bit of protection aganist the pitfalls of dating - could you imagine if you were distraught after every date, it would be awful.

notsure sounds like he filled the time with waffle He didn't really give you anything to work with so yeah, move on. You will always have some sort of conflict going on with him and trust me, when you get to my age, you just can't be doing with the stress.

watch yes, I agree with what you say there. It's a very interesting subject is that there emotional unavailability. It most definitely hasn't to be confused with 'being cautious.' We can do without the label.

Now im meeting fwb and thinking why the hell am I bothering? Yes I really want some action but I feel like I am literally let these guys fuck me over and take the piss!

I'm fed up of my crazy dramas now!

Notsure the guys can only 'fuck you over and take the piss' if you let them. What is it that is making you think this way? If you are feeling taken advantage of then maybe a FWB isn't right for you at the moment either, maybe just hang on in there until you meet someone worth dating?

notsure - i think you have answered that yourself.

a fwb/ casual sex set up is fine, so long as both parties are ok with it. If either of those involved feels taken advantage of, or isnt getting anything out of it, or is wanting more from the relationship, then its not going to work.

I had a bit of a crazy period ( looking back on it) end of last year till last month really. i had alot of casual sex :) it was fine at the time, and i had been 9 months previously without so much as a snog. Ive now decided id like something more than that ( says i, until its been 9 months again without a snog)..... so im not doing that at the momment. you have to go with what you are happy with.

notsure I'm glad you've come to the conclusion you did as regards the first guy. fwb - if it's just a fwb is fine, you only get taken advantage of if you enter into the assignation with expectations of it being anything other than scratching an itch. You can only be fucked over if you let yourself get fucked over. guess mindset is everything.

No dating news here (surprise!) too busy trying to sort out wages problem with work that has left me unable to pay the rent this month - need to find £900 by monday - priorities, priorities. :(

a bit of a crazy period equals understatement You broke a sink!! A sink!!

What watch said notsure.

Oh no Snape! Something like this has happened before hasn't it? Not good, I'm sorry you are having the stress of that.

it's SO STRESSFUL! normal banks etc can't help - person who said they had authorised it at work and has clearly fucked it up made an error is on leave until monday, when i have promised landlord the cash, other guy who might be able to help is in a meeting until 2. currently looking at payday loan sites. for fucks sake.

tempted to go to selfridges and spend my last £30 on the gift token on a bottle of whiskey to get PM drunk with

Hey all,

Wow, new thread already. Chatty ones ain't we?

sponge If he is having a terrible week then I would just leave things for the time being. Don't be his shoulder to cry on too much though. You aren't his mother after all I'm sure he will be back in touch when he has time. Men are simple creatures. More than one task at a time in usually too much for them.

Well, last night I cried myself to sleep over Mr Open relationship, but today I am determined not to be too miserable. I got messaged by a couple of guys on OKC yesterday who, although not my normal type, looked quite handsome so I replied.

I got a message day before yesterday from hot red haired horse rider man who I may have mentioned a while back. He has just gotten back from Poland. I emailed him back but he hasn't replied yet, despite being online since. Playing it cool do you think? Or maybe my writing style put him off? He is sooooo cute. I really want to meet him in RL. I have no time for all this messaging back and forth rubbish. I prefer to just meet them asap and see if there's any attraction in RL. Shy and retiring I am not

Nightmare Snape. If I had a spare £900, I'd offer to help. Could work write you a note promising the money will be in by Monday, so that you could show it to the landlord?
If at all possible avoid the Wonga / Payday type people - their interest rates are outrageous.
Hope work can get it sorted for you asap.

snape - gosh. thats awful. cant work sort it out... they should be able to bacs payment immediatley or something? fuckers.
I hate it when things like that go wrong, its my biggest gripe about being a single parent, you tend to have no cusion financially, and noone to help you out, so something unexpected or a small fuck up can totally screw you over.. then it can take months and months to recover from it.

if it makes you feel any better at all i am absolutley skint this month. and will be later attempting a lidl weekly shop for £20. ( though luckily have a full freezer)

and yes, i broke a sink, shagging :) That was utterly fantastic. One of my ' top 5 hysterical momments of last year.
the others are, in no paticular order

• accidentally starting an international news story
• flashing jamie oliver my boobs :)
• the rock stealing penguins on frozen planet. ( makes me howl with laughter every time, and i have been known to watch it drunk, on repeat, until im almost weeing...
• and the bit of royal wedding coverage on itv, they were interviewing some ridiclous orange girl, who when asked how she thought miss middleton looked, came out the the cracking line ' yeah, lovely,right up there with cheryl cole'

haha,love it ;)

Oh snape just a word of warning about payday loans, the interest is stupidly high, I really would say use it as a last resort. Sorry your having this problem.

Have to agree men see us as being emotionally unavailable, when ib fact we just don't want to get hurt again. I suppose sometimes I give off the wrong signals too, I supress everything, mainly cos well its been so long since I could express them, but now he knows, I feel relieved, and its good to get back to being me, even if that means I am a little err emm full on.

Sorry to hear about your money stress snape Really hope you get it sorted soon.

milk sorry that you've been sad about Mr Open. Also, apologies if I was being indelicate or having a go yesterday. tough love, honest! However, good that you're sticking your toes back in the water.. Keep yourself occupied and keep your chin up, sweetie!

that is all!

noluck - It's always easier to maintain standards and assign KPI's to your suitors when you're getting laid. In most areas of life when the pickings get slim I make the most of what I can, assuming there's anything on offer at all. watch's scenario is familiar to me... I get contacts from a few women in a short space of time, drink from the wellspring of lust for a few weeks, decide to do the right thing and concentrate my energies on one person but that goes arse up and then there's a long drought and I accept whatever scraps I'm thrown. I was contacted by a woman on Oasis last week. She lives fairly close to me (30 minute drive) but she's so totally unsuitable and NQOCD it isn't funny, but loneliness and libido was swaying me! I was so close to suggesting a meet then convinced myself to let it slide. There is no aphrodesiac like loneliness.

God no snape I didn't think you were having a go at all. Everything you said was completely true.

I've realised that I'm OK when I spend time with him as friends. It's just when we sleep together that I feel like shite afterwards. I think I'm going to have to tell him that there's going to be no more horizontal activities occurring. Only I'm going to have to phrase it in a way that doesn't reveal that it's because my heart breaks a few days later every time we do.

It's a tricky one...

Breaking a sink is impressive. We need to know what type of sink though. Armitage Shanks, or your standard B&Q job?

Snape is the rent late already?? If not, don't stress too much, they cannot do much about it really. can't get blood from a stone and all that. This advice only applies if you are in a properly rented place, and not renting from some hard bastard dodgy landlord. I'd have proof that it is coming to hand, ie note from employer on headed paper, or payslip & bank statment which shows it is still outstanding. Sending hugs, money worries are the absolute shittiest kind of worry, especially as LP's.

oh work will be paying the interest if it comes to it! (tempted to find highest possible interest rate, then they just might not screw up again..)

you're right about no buffer. my credit history isn't too hideously bad, but no-one will extend my OD or up my credit limit. Have cut up one credit card in a fit of annoyance already this morning!

weekly LIDL shop on £20 is do-a-ble (no rum for you missy!) My freezer is groaning-full, have pals for tea on saturday and can stick a couple of crates of beer on my (remaining) credit card. Both friends out of work at the moment, so am cooking them tea and getting them drunk (no ulterior motive at all it's just good to be kind)

I need to look up the rock stealing penguins. It might rival 'hamster on a piano' as my cheer - up clip.

I'm probably a bit emotionally unavilable. I probably have trust issue (it's called being cautious) and I can be quite difficult to get close to. the guy I went out with after the ex (for i think 5 years) I didn't really care if he fucked around on me, which probably indicates how involved in the relationship i was - It ended because he accused me of shagging my ex - and if he'd known me at all after five years, should have known that that wasn't really on the cards. shame. the sex was magnificent. :)