The Dating Thread - Part 12. How NOT to lose the will to live. Sense of humour essential!

[TimeForMeAndDD]

Good morning everyone! Had to start a new thread as the old one is no longer receiving posts.

Fill yer boots!

I just reinstated my profile and have had some nice offers
but there's this guy I'd forgotten about who keeps messaging me, I mostly ignore him, the thing is his profile pic
It's just so 'eww'
I'll try & describe it, he's lying face down, naked, with one leg bent up and a portion of testicle peeking out
wtf???

in a way it's worse than all the cock pics

Thought I would join this thread. I was supposed to meet someone I had been "chatting" to on pof. He sent me a message earlier today asking me if I could "go lite" on the makeup because in some of my photos I was wearing minimal makeup and he preferred me that way WTF!
My reply was that it was my choice on the amount of makeup I wore, plus I asked him if he was usually so controlling?

He replied to say he considered he was paying me a compliment!

The only make up I wear is eye shadow !!

Lol loves. He must think a squashed testicle is appealing...FGS. I'll never eat a faggot again.
Lazy. Good move. You are not an order 'go easy on the dressing'. You are a person.

It must be time for me to get shot down in flames again, so I'll bite for you Lazy. You've said you just wear eye makeup, so please don't think I'm talking about you specifically.... this is just an observation and you're free to dismiss it out of hand as complete male bullshit. :)

My dream woman would be barefoot in old faded cargo pants and a well worn band T-shirt with no makeup, but some guys like to see a woman in full warpaint and dressed to the nines in heels etc. What I think he may be trying to say is that you look great as you are. He may think you're so gorgeous you don't need makeup.

My dear old Mum was a crap cook, so we knew if there was gravy on anything she was camouflaging the burnt bits! I'm 54 and when I look at profile pics on dating sites with zombie makeup trowelled on I wonder what she's hiding and if she realises just how artificial her face looks with all the cracked spakfilla.

And I just realised you may not have Spakfilla in the UK! It's a mix of plaster and cellulose fibre that you mix with water to fill cracks and holes in the plaster on walls to hide irregularities and imperfections before you paint. Here in Oz women sometimes refer to putting on makeup as whacking on the Spakfilla.

Hi all. An update.

I texted the long-distance guy last night and said that I was feeling pressured into sex on the first date. He reassured me that it wasn't what he meant and to be fair he did conceed that a Sunday night date was inconvenient and put too much pressure on things.

He then told me that he felt I was looking for all the negatives and couldn't we just meet up and see how it goes. He said this after I commented on the fact that the distance and our different days off would be an issue. He pointed out that his ex and him had a similar scenario (she had a kid and lived miles away and had different days off). I said that mabe his ex wanted different things from me as I want someone I can hang out with on weekends. Or do I? In truth I have no idea what I want.

He told me that he liked the look of my profile as it is someone I could hang out with.

To be honest I have been sending mixed messages too; flirty, sexy texts one minute then saying I don't want sex on a first date. I do want to flirt but with no pressure.

I want casual sex but then get worried about doing it on a first date with a stranger. I am so confused.

There was one alarm bell for me though he said oin quite a shirty way "Can I get a word in edgeways please?" as I was rambling on. Now it's funny how the smallest phrases can make my hackles rise.

I do think i am looking for the negatives aren't I? I don't think I will talk to him again but mabe I'm not ready for dating? I do want to get out there and have fun but I don't listen to my twat radar.

I just feel like I don't know what I want and I will never meet anyone.

He also said that I was dwelling too much on the meaning of the sunday night date thing when it was only a suggestion. Am I being too defensive?

loves how could you resist that??

Lazy good reply, if a man is dictating how you should look for him then don't entertain him. You are only at the messaging stage, I dread to think what he would be like if you dated him.

Poppa there is nothing wrong at all with having an ideal woman, we women have ideal men. It becomes wrong when you dictate to a woman how she should look, because you like her to look like that. If you don't like the way a woman looks, if she is too heavy with the makeup for your liking, then don't message her. I don't like beards but I wouldn't dream of telling a man to shave off his beard before the date. And no, not shooting you down in flames, just saying.

toptramp from what you say, no, I don't think you are being too defensive. Your fight or flight instinct is telling you something isn't right. From reading your post it seems this man is defining you, he is telling you how you are feeling, what you should be feeling, and how you shouldn't be feeling, he isn't listening to what you are telling him, which is that you think the distance is too much for a relationship. I must say though that it doesn't help the situation to encourage him with flirty or mixed messages, this is when the boundaries become blurred. Anyway, the bottom line is that you owe this man nothing, if you don't feel comfortable meeting with him then you don't have to, if you don't want to message him again then you don't have to do that either. Just do what you feel is best for you

Just had a message on OKC - presume he is sending this to anyone who is online at the moment

"Hi,

Hopefully the week is treating you well??

I hope you are not offended by I sense you might be a lovely naturally submissive woman whom is also looking for something a little different or quirky.

Perhaps yearning for a Sub/Dom relationship based on trust, respect and excitement.

This may be obvious as you are here, however I am thinking on a deeper level, contrasts and all....

This of course would be balanced against a blossoming long term relationship enjoying all the normal things couples do.

Of course you may not be submissive in the slightest day to day but just love the thought of exploring submission in private.

On the surface of course it would appear like any other relationship but as an undercurrent little smiles would hide a world of fun, exploration and mutual fulfilment. In fact it could be anything two connecting minds want it to be. Of course everything needs to be based on chemistry, trust, consent and respect..

Well apart from that I like nothing better than a bit of people watching and many of the simple things in life.

Hopefully this might at least generate a little intrigue at least.

Enjoy your day even though the weather is awful"

Wonder if anyone replies to him? The fact that he is about 400 miles north of here at least makes me feel it is unlikely I would ever accidentally bump into him.

Loves can you block him?

Toptramp - sorry that you feel so confused, I feel confused a lot of the time when it comes to men! And can feel one way one day and the next the opposite!

Well I was chatting with mr cheeky last night on the phone for a couple of hours and he is funny and cheeky, he asked me to come to his area with a friend of mine and we can crash at his friends house of we want to (he lives with his mum). As we live in london and he lives out of London so we wouldn't be able to get home after. I told him me and my friend wouldn't do that and I don't even know of I could get a babysitter anyway

He wasn't saying it in a sleezy way more in a fun way, but I told him thats very forward of him! He seems nice but seems very young even tho he said he is 26

I was also messaging a guy looking for hangout who wasn't very chatty but is very sexy in a bad boy way

Miranda - what a looser!!

Sounds too dominant for me, I wouldnt be replying yet I'm not to anyone anyway atm. Just seeing how other things go,

That's what I thought . I guess he has a certain percentage strike rate but not going to be me

Am now exchanging messages with someone who seems a little more normal. Although is into cricket. I am not into cricket.

Need to go into town and do some stuff before coming back here and getting ready for date. I think because I have never really dated in my life (XH was my first boyfriend) it feels a bit more nerve wracking. Have told DS and DD when they are older they should go out with lots of people (although not at the same time of course).

I dont do bad boys anymore never really have but there was 2 or 3 in there nice to look at, well some of them but nah not for me.

Morning :)

Poppa I have to agree with Time wrt make up/how a woman dresses etc. Everyone has the right to have their preference but they don't have the right to impose that preference on someone else which is what it sounds like in Lazy's case.

Miranda have you got a username for that man. [nosey emoticon]

POF has changed, again! Has anyone else noticed this before

"The psychology is if you are happy you can make others happy. Love is all about having shared experiences, and if you can't have shared experiences with someone you can't love them."

Before I open my gob and spew out my feelings on this statement, which is attached to the top of my profile, I wondered what you all thought of it.

Morning Chaotic

Hypothetical... Let's say I was inviting someone I'd dated a couple of times to see one of my mates' bands. She would probably ask if it's dressy, to which I'd reply no, it's jeans/casual. I'm not saying I should have any control or input to what she's wearing, more I'm giving an honest answer to her question so she won't feel out of place and she won't make an unnecessary effort.

I do understand what you're saying though. I have known people of both sexes who wanted to control their partner's appearance to the point of being overbearing and obnoxious.

mylittle - sorry i missed what happend with just friends, can you fill me in

Poppa that's different because she's asked you what type of event it's going to be.

Time it sounds like someone has taken a 10 week course in psychology at their local college and now considers themselves an expert.

Love isn't that simple, it's not a formulaic thing* where you complete steps 1 to 10 for it to happen. Love is an emotion, a feeling and you can't make a definitive statement about it and apply it to everyone.

*I can't think of the appropriate word so insert your own...word that is

'The psychology is.... if you can't have shared experiences with someone you can't love them'
^^ vacuous, asinine, psycho-bable
kind of insulting!

First post on my phone! I found out who the sexy man was. Someone I chatted to in the past. He's half my age and to be fair he did cover his manhood on the photo. He has a great body and said he sent it to get my attention.

Poppa, it's poly filler here.

I love make up and I feel sorry for men that they dont have the freedom to express themselves via their appearances in the way that women do
of course it can look 'unnatural' but what is natural when it comes to appearance?
looking like a cave woman?
even they painted their bodies.

Re peeking testicle man, well he's an example of guys seeming not to know what kinds of pictures women will find erotic.
I see lots of men who have taken pictures of themselves that from a woman would be erotic, but they dont seem to realise that it doesnt directly translate.

not sure he hasn't been over for q few days :( but on the upside, he definitely knows I want more than friends. And well things have gone further than those amazing hugs, which still make ne tingle. We have agreed on seeing where it goes, so I am just enjoying the here and now. Got asked out yesterday, and yep he was nice looking BUT there is only one person I want. Still can't believe I had the courage to.do what I did or to text him saying I wanted more, though haven't heard from him yet today. But we text everyday. My bestie gave me a talking to, and she was right as very annoyingly she normally is.

Hi folks, name changed from StayForNoone a few months back for something but like this new username too much to go back!

I have been lurking about keeping up with the original Internet Daters and the new!

Zany - I am so pleased for you! I have 4dc so I know just how crazy it can be, but for all the chaos, the amount of fun makes up for it personally! Never a dull moment! I won't say it's too soon, if it feels right then it is. S and I are also planning on moving in together, once he sorts a job up here. We are 7 months in now.

With regard to emotional unavailability, I was much the same after splitting from STBXH. But I have realised that if you want a relationship with someone, you do have to be prepared to let down that guard or else how do they get to know the real you? I would agree with watch, when the right person comes along, it should be easier to drop that guard.

With regard to LDR's. I have been in one for seven months, 650 miles apart. I can say for sure that I would never do one again. I think you have to be a very laid back, open, trusting person to cope with one.