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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he boring or am do I need to grow up?

193 replies

FlameProofNightie · 14/04/2012 14:48

Would appreciate your views on this one.

I have been seeing my new boyfriend for a few months now. We are both 40. He lives local to me and I pop and see him a couple of times a week for a few hours in the evening and we spend weekend time together. I really like him but I sometimes feel a bit 'bored.' Here's why...

He plays golf every Saturday and Sunday during the day. This is fine as I like time to myself but he needs an early night on both of the nights. So, last night for example, we watched a DVD until 11pm, he then yawned and started closing curtains etc.. [ cue for me to leave although I wouldn't have needed to as no kids at home ], quick peck and off i went. No sex.

He spends a lot of time discussing his fitness routines/diet routines/pension provisions/retirement provisions/ the importance of savings/how he likes to allocate special time to household tasks etc etc.. He is fond of lists and he frowns upon any sort of excess in any area of life. We talk about these subjects a lot.

He doesn't drink more than a pint or two at most and then maybe only once a month. So a fun night with a few drinks doesn't happen. I am no lush but it's nice to go to the pub and have a few isn't it?

Sex. It lasts 5 minutes, always in bed, we both stand on opposite sides of the bed removing our own clothes. Always in the same two positions. Sometimes it lasts 8 minutes, maybe. Sometimes there is NO foreplay at all.

He is a careful, fastidious man. I sometimes glance at him and see my father Blush although he is baby faced and looks years younger than he is. I just see.... an old man. It's in his mannerisms I think.

He is really nice though and ...oh GOD- Should I ditch him?

OP posts:
akaemmafrost · 14/04/2012 16:35

OMG F*ck Him Off!!!!! Angry (at him and his pernickety ways)

Your self esteem must be taking quite a battering with all these "rules" that the pleasure of being with you cannot overcome. Sheesh I would have really lost my temper with this by now.

GinPalace · 14/04/2012 16:40

Arrggghh.

I am having unwanted visions of you lying there while he studiously licks clit and you count cracks in the ceiling.

lisaro · 14/04/2012 16:41

Go and find someone who will get pissed with you and then make you laugh. And later on will rump you senseless for longer than eight minutes ( unless it's a quickie you fancy). Grin

Dozer · 14/04/2012 16:43

Oh my god, just dump him tonight!

FlameProofNightie · 14/04/2012 16:44

emma - yes, you're probably spot on with that

OP posts:
Dozer · 14/04/2012 16:44

Rigid, judgmental, sexually-repressed weirdo.

knowwhenyouhavebeenbeaten · 14/04/2012 16:52

Counting cracks Grin easily amused I have a vision of him going down on you while counting in his head, 1lick 2 lick.............

FlameProofNightie · 14/04/2012 16:56

I'll see how it goes. Just feel a bit bored and 'meh' tbh

A weekend of no kids and I don't even get to stay one night with my boyfriend because he is up early for golf and 'gets a better nights sleep' when on his own.

I am suddenly depressed but need to snap out of it asap

OP posts:
akaemmafrost · 14/04/2012 17:00

He's not your boyfriend, he's a man you are having occasional (boring) sex with who is unwilling to make any room in his life for you at all Sad. Go out with him tonight by all means. Do you think you could talk to him about all this? If you can't then there is your answer.

Dozer · 14/04/2012 17:09

You don't need to snap out of it, anyone would be depressed being with him!

FlameProofNightie · 14/04/2012 17:19

I have tried speaking to him about it - but it is tricky because it's his actual character that's up for discussion really- and he can't change that can he?

I don't want to talk to him about it. He knows it's a bit weird as he said 'that sounds awful doesn't it? ' and kind of laughed when he mentioned his early start and inability to sleep properly when he is next to someone else. And I don't want him tired for golf tomorrow do I?

I will just have the one glass tonight and come home at 11 ish I suppose. I know he'd quite easily 'let' me stay but i want him to REALLY want me to.

We decided not to see a film tonight because it started at 9. And that's a 'bit late'

OP posts:
whitewhitewine · 14/04/2012 17:21

Go on, just get rid.

Seriously, life is far too short.

Smile
BellaVita · 14/04/2012 17:24

OH GOD... I just knew this was going to be you.

Bin him off girl.

FlameProofNightie · 14/04/2012 17:25

Do not say a further word Bella!!!

I know, i know, I know...

OP posts:
BellaVita · 14/04/2012 17:25

And it's him isn't it...

ImperialBlether · 14/04/2012 17:26

Let's delve further.

My sister had a boyfriend like this - I remember one conversation where he said to me, "Mother and I like to have salmon sandwiches for Sunday tea."

How about your boyfriend, OP? What's his relationship with his mum like? BTW how old is he?

GinPalace · 14/04/2012 17:28

OOOOOooo

Bella has inside info.

I feel like your BF OP sometimes - but I have a very small child and am sleep deprived anyway. If I was footloose and fancy free I'd live it up on a saturday night and see a film at 9pm, in fact I would now too tho I'd pay for it in the morning .

GinPalace · 14/04/2012 17:29

Oh No! Don't bring his mother into it - its bad enough as it is.

FlameProofNightie · 14/04/2012 17:29

No relationship with his Mum - she is mentally unwell and he had a slightly chaotic childhood which obviously goes some way to explaining why he is like he is i suppose.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 14/04/2012 17:31

Oh now you're making me feel sorry for him.

Bella, spill the beans here. Do you know this man?

FlameProofNightie · 14/04/2012 17:32

she doesnt know him - but she knows me!

OP posts:
claudedebussy · 14/04/2012 17:36

oh come ON! tell us the other crap so we can be even more scornful.

GinPalace · 14/04/2012 17:39

He sounds unappreciated. He needs a nice quiet retiring type who will think he is perfect and find him fascinating. poor chap.

Ephiny · 14/04/2012 17:39

I am very boring and sensible, and even I would want someone a bit more fun and passionate!

Golf all day, then a conversation about diet/pensions/retirement and an early night with no sex? If that's his idea of how to spend a child-free weekend with a new girlfriend , I dread to think how he'll be after years of marriage. Actually, he'll probably be exactly the same. At least you know what you're getting :)

Mumsyblouse · 14/04/2012 17:41

I think it's horrible to pick him apart and laugh at him like this. Surely the onus is on you to get out of a relationship with someone you find boring and reminds you of your dad, and not in a nice way. What's stopping you?