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Original poster

Is he boring or am do I need to grow up?

193 replies

FlameProofNightie · 14/04/2012 14:48

Would appreciate your views on this one.

I have been seeing my new boyfriend for a few months now. We are both 40. He lives local to me and I pop and see him a couple of times a week for a few hours in the evening and we spend weekend time together. I really like him but I sometimes feel a bit 'bored.' Here's why...

He plays golf every Saturday and Sunday during the day. This is fine as I like time to myself but he needs an early night on both of the nights. So, last night for example, we watched a DVD until 11pm, he then yawned and started closing curtains etc.. [ cue for me to leave although I wouldn't have needed to as no kids at home ], quick peck and off i went. No sex.

He spends a lot of time discussing his fitness routines/diet routines/pension provisions/retirement provisions/ the importance of savings/how he likes to allocate special time to household tasks etc etc.. He is fond of lists and he frowns upon any sort of excess in any area of life. We talk about these subjects a lot.

He doesn't drink more than a pint or two at most and then maybe only once a month. So a fun night with a few drinks doesn't happen. I am no lush but it's nice to go to the pub and have a few isn't it?

Sex. It lasts 5 minutes, always in bed, we both stand on opposite sides of the bed removing our own clothes. Always in the same two positions. Sometimes it lasts 8 minutes, maybe. Sometimes there is NO foreplay at all.

He is a careful, fastidious man. I sometimes glance at him and see my father Blush although he is baby faced and looks years younger than he is. I just see.... an old man. It's in his mannerisms I think.

He is really nice though and ...oh GOD- Should I ditch him?

OP posts:
Bluestocking · 14/04/2012 15:19

Oh come on, FlameProof, what do you expect us to say? You describe Alan Partridge's more boring younger brother, you tell us he's goodlooking apart from his weak chin, and then you get all hurt and huffy when people tell you to run for the hills.

Original poster
FlameProofNightie · 14/04/2012 15:19

No he doesnt make me properly laugh. I bring it all to the party, if that makes sense? He has said he needs someone he can 'bounce' off, he needs someone who is chatty as he is reserved.

OP posts:
PooPooInMyToes · 14/04/2012 15:20

Blimey! [yawn]

PooPooInMyToes · 14/04/2012 15:21

Ooh what was the other issue? [suddenly interested]

Original poster
FlameProofNightie · 14/04/2012 15:21

Grin at blue.

promise im not huffy.

but really- SHOULD I be thinking about my retirement? He has been thinking of his since he turned 30. he is amazed that I can't be arsed to save, preferring to blow it all at the Dior counter instead.

OP posts:
Winkly · 14/04/2012 15:22

Of course you should be thinking of your retirement, unless you intend to stay with this man in which case you'll have died of boredom long before that's an issue.

twofingerstoGideon · 14/04/2012 15:23

Is his name Richard? If so, I know him!

ImperialBlether · 14/04/2012 15:24

I'm going to place a bet here.

He has a purse, doesn't he?

GinPalace · 14/04/2012 15:24

Hmm, sounds a bit draining to be honest. I've been in relationship like that where I was the 'sparky one' it got old and tired very quickly (if you'll pardon the pun Wink )

Suppose we all need a companion though so maybe he is albeit inadequatly filling a bit of a gap... you'd jump ship if something better came along though I bet so hope he isn't getting too attached.

Lotkinsgonecurly · 14/04/2012 15:25

I think you should try and have fun with him this evening as you would want to. Spell it out for him. It may be that he's just not secure enough to suggest a few drinks and then the rest of the evening in bed. ? Not ever done it before.

Or he may just be boring! Do let us know though!

Original poster
FlameProofNightie · 14/04/2012 15:29

He is very secure in himself Curly- very self assured, in control of himself and knows what he likes etc...

gin- yes, i am the sparkier, slightly nutty one- although, in comparison, i look positively ker-razzy compared to him.

I just thought that maybe i needed someone settled and grown up, really.

He doesn't have a purse but he wears slippers, pyjama bottoms and always a collared shirt with a V necked jumper? < unless he is going to the gym >

OP posts:
hatesponge · 14/04/2012 15:30

My friend is dating someone who is the double of your guy both in age and habits. Starts yawning at 10pm, likes to be home tucked up in bed with his cocoa by 11pm. Has to get his 8 hours sleep a night. They are planning to have children, how he will cope with the lack of sleep then I have no idea!Thank god she has never shared any details of their sex life with me, but I can't imagine it is any more exciting than any other aspect of his personality.

He also spends all weekend on a different (but equally dull) hobby and is the same about drinks too - we've been out in a group socially and he will literally make 2 pints last all night Hmm

Seriously, bin him immediately. The longer it goes on, the harder it will become and the more likely it is he'll do the kicked puppy face when you end it. But you do need to get rid - he's only going to get less exciting over time (if possible). I only wish my friend had the sense to do the same!

LineRunner · 14/04/2012 15:31

Really at this stage of your relationship you should be eating fruit off each other's nipples in the middle of the afternoon.

I'd let emma dump him for you.

(emma - do you do swear-o-grams to former bosses?)

twofingerstoGideon · 14/04/2012 15:33

Suppose we all need a companion though so maybe he is albeit inadequatly filling a bit of a gap... you'd jump ship if something better came along though I bet so hope he isn't getting too attached.

I would rather die than go through life with that philosophy.

Really? Anyone is better than no-one?

hatesponge · 14/04/2012 15:33

I knew he'd wear slippers Grin

Friend's BF doesn't have a purse but he does have a money bag he wears when they go on hols...Hmm

GinPalace · 14/04/2012 15:33

hatesponge your friends fella's hobby... is it fishing? Grin

hatesponge · 14/04/2012 15:36

GinPalace yes Grin. Is it a hobby often undertaken by the desperately dull or do we know the same person?!

LineRunner · 14/04/2012 15:36

Actually my ExH got very like this after we married. It felt very controlling. If I had had an inkling of how awful it would become, I could have avoided it all.

Original poster
FlameProofNightie · 14/04/2012 15:38

Grin at some of these.

I really like him though! He is so clever and sensible and has a good job and umm err ... he is a good 'foil' for me

Even seeing him is carefully planned out. It's twice a week or so and then in the evenings at weekends.

And I worry that i may be boring for him!

I can't assume that we will spend the night together though tonight as A he is up early for golf and B he finds sleeping in the same bed awkard

OP posts:
GinPalace · 14/04/2012 15:39

hatesponge undertaken by the desperately dull - that is right. Grin

GinPalace · 14/04/2012 15:40

OK - you will have to explain why you really like him then - struggling to see it! Are you that bouncy you really need calming down?

Original poster
FlameProofNightie · 14/04/2012 15:42

No, i'm not bouncy at all really < eyes chest >

I suppose because he is so different to me. And he is nice and everyone likes him, well thought of at work etc.

I'm doing rubbish here aren't i?

he wants us to go on a walking holiday maybe in the summer for a few days. I am not sure about this at all.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 14/04/2012 15:43

Are we edging towards the word, 'security'? Because I'm not hearing love or passion or fun or desire.

Original poster
FlameProofNightie · 14/04/2012 15:44

line - he is not controlling of me in the slightest. Just of himself and his own environment I suppose. He is the type to make a list for shopping and then plan out all his meals for one for the week, whereas I just fling it all in. BUT lots of mumsnetters meal plan yes?

You can't ALL be dull!

OP posts:
LadyClariceCannockMonty · 14/04/2012 15:44

Sorry, I've lost the will to live just reading about him! You deserve better and fun-ner.