Is he boring or am do I need to grow up?

[FlameProofNightie]

Would appreciate your views on this one.

I have been seeing my new boyfriend for a few months now. We are both 40. He lives local to me and I pop and see him a couple of times a week for a few hours in the evening and we spend weekend time together. I really like him but I sometimes feel a bit 'bored.' Here's why...

He plays golf every Saturday and Sunday during the day. This is fine as I like time to myself but he needs an early night on both of the nights. So, last night for example, we watched a DVD until 11pm, he then yawned and started closing curtains etc.. [ cue for me to leave although I wouldn't have needed to as no kids at home ], quick peck and off i went. No sex.

He spends a lot of time discussing his fitness routines/diet routines/pension provisions/retirement provisions/ the importance of savings/how he likes to allocate special time to household tasks etc etc.. He is fond of lists and he frowns upon any sort of excess in any area of life. We talk about these subjects a lot.

He doesn't drink more than a pint or two at most and then maybe only once a month. So a fun night with a few drinks doesn't happen. I am no lush but it's nice to go to the pub and have a few isn't it?

Sex. It lasts 5 minutes, always in bed, we both stand on opposite sides of the bed removing our own clothes. Always in the same two positions. Sometimes it lasts 8 minutes, maybe. Sometimes there is NO foreplay at all.

He is a careful, fastidious man. I sometimes glance at him and see my father although he is baby faced and looks years younger than he is. I just see.... an old man. It's in his mannerisms I think.

He is really nice though and ...oh GOD- Should I ditch him?

What is his job?

Yes, he's boring. Ditch him.

Arf!!! at Lifechanger

Line - hmmm. not sure. I am happy being single, i usually have a man or two on the go so it's not that i feel the need for a boyfriend. I just thought he was going to be 'the one' as opposed to the usual casual fling that ive had for the past little while now.
\Maybe that is making me determined to make him 'fit? '

Gin - that would be identifying really.It's a government type job, half in an office, half not. It's a good job, well paid - and guess what? he saves a regular £250 every month! As he likes a 'cushion.'

Oh i'm boring myself now

@ lifechanger.

But making him fit isn't working or we wouldn't be here!

Just make sure he isn't getting too attached cos you'll be out as soon as something better comes along I bet. :)

After only a couple of months, you shouldn't be doing much actual sleeping

Clever and sensible are useful attributes in a friend. Or a financial advisor. If they are the best things you can say about a boyfriend, there's a problem.

I hate seeing women selling themselves short like this. Honestly are you happy to settle for some companionship and a bit of pedestrian sex? Cos if so, you'd probably get a better deal with an octogenarian who will have more interesting stuff to talk about and may make you the main beneficiary in his will

Jesus, reading yr OP actually gave me a shiver down my spine at the memory of an ex who was similar. Personally, I think life is too short to spend with people (friends or boyfriends) that don't bring joy or some understanding of you into your life. He doesn't sound interested in your thoughts/interests/needs at all.

A walking holiday?
Oh dear god.

The walking holiday could be worse. My friend has to go on fishing holidays with her BF

Endless hours of watching a lake.

In silence because noise disturbs the fish.

I kid you not.

Hello hate! No, I feel too young to settle for this weird roll-on roll off shagging type thing we have fallen into. And I have lots of friends, so don't need the companionship.

I'm just hoping he gets better I suppose, as all of this is very non specific isn't it

Aw bless him he certainly sounds old before his time. Is he Mr. Serious? I think serious men are fun for about 10mins, but then it just gets boring.
I swear me and my DP wouldn't be together if he didn't make me laugh the way he does. Annoyingly manages to do it even when im annoyed with him .

startail says it all really! It does sound like a bit of snooze fest.

Don't think his good financial sense makes him boring - his rigid routine does though.

What do you think is going to happen?

jumping - oh he likes talking to me! he thinks im fun etc... he is always happy to support me in my various things and listen to me chat etc..

Yes, a walking holiday! In the Lakes!

Well I feel for you, FlameProof. Especially as my own History of Lurve has been a fucking disaster. Men are either too boring and too controlling or too flighty and too controlling. I think there must be lovely men who will bring us stability without boring the tits off us. (I do meet them occasionally but they are all quite young.)

hatesponge you make me larf

He sounds like a nice guy to me. You haven't said anything about him which appears to be a "problem", just that he has a sensible personality. 11pm doesn't sound particularly early for an "early night". Goes to the gym, doesn't drink much. Hardly worthy of a character assassination is it? As for the sex, maybe he just needs a nudge in the right direction?

It is possible to be sensible without being so very, very dull, you know. I agree with LineRunner - if you've only been together for a few months, and you only see each other a couple of times a week, you should be having filthy, incendiary sex at every available opportunity. It sounds like he has a very low libido.

Gin- I don't know. I am going to try and not shag other men and try and 'warm' him up a bit and see if he loosens up? How does that sound?

Someone told me to 'work with what I have' as opposed to wishing he was different. his personality is very 'set' so he won't be changing any time soon will he?

I'd certainly be prepared to give it a go linerunner

I bet he's hiding a big secret.

Either:

a) a fetish for something sexually deviant
b) a massive alcohol/substance misuse problem
c) his career as a spy

Frankly, that's being optimistic. If there is no big secret, and he really is that boring and controlled, run. Run fast and don't look back.

Don't look at your flightiniess and passion as a fault which needs to be kept in check by this sensible man. Go and meet a spontaneous, flighty, passionate man and be happy instead

blue- yes a low libido , this is true.

Amateur - yes he is a nice guy, very nice.

Sounds like my sort of man.....