I want to be married.

[IamRebelling]

I'm probably very unreasonable but I have been thinking about this for a long time and have never spoken to anyone about this except my longer term partner.

We have been together since 1998 and have 2 wonderful DDs. Thing is we never got married. There has always been something else we wanted to spent the money on and I have always been fine with that. We bought a house together, did it up and moved in to the house we always wanted but could not afford previously a few years ago. It is not a mansion, by all means but it is a nice little semi in a lovely road.

I am now 40 and I really want to be married. My partner however feels that we should make an occasion out of it, which would of course cost a small fortune which we don't have. What I really want is to go to a registry office with the 4 of us and simply get married. He keeps telling me that he thinks things are just fine as they are and that he is not going to run off with someone else. I don't seem to be able to get the message across that this has nothing to do with it and that I really want to be like everyone else my age and be married.

I feel that things have now come to a head and I don't want to carry on with life as it is and if he does not want to get married I would prefer to finish the relationship and perhaps meet someone else ...

Maybe I'm am being very selfish by wanting to be married but my partner knows how important this is to me and by not wanting to be married I think he is being equally selfish, considering he knows how important this is to me.

Opinions please...

Actually Luvvie you completely mis-read my comment This is what I said why should a woman feel she is being done a favour by being asked to be married to a guy?

It's actually the opposite of what you thought I was saying.

WHy do women wait to be asked? Why if you think it is the right thing within a committed relationship don't you say Right lets get married? If you are prepared to step into that role then you have to buy into the whole thing and if he never asks/suggests it you prob will have to leave him

Bluepetti - eh? What part of "if a man doesn't want to marry you, he is not fully committed." isn't consistent? That's my honest belief.

Bluepetti - you wrote " IYO does a ring & a piece of paper prove commitment?"

er...yes it does. Big time. I think you are being sexist by implying that a woman is somehow belittling herself to want that.

"He's not going to buy the cow if he gets the milk for free."

Firstly, yuck.
Secondly, I think you would be shocked at the amount of people who have sex, co-habit and even have children together before they get married these days! There is somebody on this thread who has children by one man and is marrying another! [faints]

Luvvie- you are reading things into my posts that are not there or intended.

I find your posts confusing. On the one hand you seem to be very right-wing, and Daily Mail, saying that marriage= commitment , and talking about cows & milk, etc but on the other you seem to be defending people who co habit by quoting "positive" stats about break ups re. couples who are not married but who have children. I'm failing to see which side of the fence you are on!

Bluepetti - as I previously said, I corrected my post to say that statistically couples who are married with children are more likely to stay together.

It seems you want to pigeon-hole my views into a neat box?

Basically, I have nothing against people who choose to co-habit if that is what makes both of them happy. I just think it is sensible to make sure you are both singing from the same hymn sheet at the very beginning.

Personally, I am very pro marriage but I certainly do not judge other people who choose not to marry if they are both happy with that. The problem with the OP's situation is that she is definitely not happy with that and now there is a big problem.

If I really wanted marriage and my partner didn't - that would be a deal breaker for me.

Having said that, in the OP's case, there are children involved so it is much more complex.

Actually Bluepetti, I think the real issue here is starting as you mean to go on in a relationship. I think that two people should be clear and in agreement from the moment they decide they are in it for the long term.

For me, that would be marriage - nothing else would do for me. For others that would be co-habiting. The main thing is know that you are both in agreement for the future of your relationship.

I hope that clarifies my point of view.

I think Iamrebelling has left this thread to go and get married!!!

Aww.. I hope she has!

:)

I hope she comes back to tell us if that's the case. I really want to know how this turns out after all this...

Are you married yet OP?