Time wasters need not apply, Soul Soothers come hither Dating Chat Part 11

[hatesponge]

Ta-da! Think this is the first one I've started.

I am still feeling somewhat feisty. Told my team off at work for being too noisy and was generally stroppy. Might have to go and start a row in AIBU or something!

So, dating, as you were etc

Not forgetting of course that I have a second date at the weekend!

adams - so what was missing with him?

Personally, notsure, no, I wouldn't tell him how I felt, not just yet, I would make him work for my love . Seriously, I would enter the relationship as if it were completely new and fresh and I would tell him I love him only when I actually felt it, based on his 'new' behaviour towards me. At the moment you say you love him but you are only getting a part of him, if he knows you love him based on what he does right now, then he has no motivation to improve.

To save you having to report back, would you like us to go with you?

yes please, he is coming to mine, so if you could all hide in the bedroom and i will chat with him in the living room. then when we have said everything i'll run in to get a quick yes or no

notsure far easier for a public place, less liklihood of knicker-dropping and easier for us to all sit at next table staring and making notes wearing trilby hats and fake moustaches.

just think of training a puppy:)

snape - i'm cracking uo laughing imagining that

but i wont have a sitter so will have to be at my place, so i am thinking knicker dropping is not a good idea, but is it a definate no no?

Yep, men are stupid so spell it out to them, very slowly. LOL. I am also very stupid to have worn these heels.

Notsure, mine said he wasn't in a position to have a proper relationship with anyone. We were having a now and again thing for a couple of years but got much closer in recent months. He had dumped someone just before this for trying to get too close, so he was determined to stay single.

We would have a lovely time together but he would leave it days to ring which always left me disappointed. Also he made it clear we weren't 'exclusive' although I don't think he was as involved with anyone else as he was with me.

Reading the posts about your situation has made me feel really sad for myself. He did all the things Snape and everyone else has suggested a great boyfriend would do but he refused to define 'us'. I decided to pull away as I could see myself getting very hurt, whilst secretly hoping he would miss me. He hasn't so I think I have done the right thing.

notsure I wasn't think of hiding. I was thinking of us all sat around the table thrashing this this out

I do agree with Snape, best in a public/neutral place if you can? Could you postpone until you can get a babysitter. Bet you don't want to do that though do you

Just remember, love is a feeling not an action. If his actions don't make you feel loved, then the chances are you aren't. Give him chance to show you he loves you before you put your feelings out there.

adams I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.

Adams gah!
it's all so painful and confusing and painful and confusing to be in these situations
he gives you a bit of what you want, just enough to keep you hoping, but never all that you want, so you're always wanting and needing and feeling slightly cheated
but hoping
and having invested so much time and energy in what you have with him never sure if it's better to cut your losses and stop throwing good love after bad?

Good God there is a lot of idle gossip to catch up with on this thread

Notsure cancel, cancel & cancel again. You know it makes sense. Then you are free to work on Mr Workaholic as per the instructions advice given up there ^ The whole dress thing is way too weird. >

Sponge I am dying to know exactly how you replied. Think I may be getting too involved with you & the Scotsman. I hope he replies to you today and is not a shit I think I may know which 'D' place.... bit rough, but then so are diamonds until they are polished

Time you should be in the relationship counselling business. Really.

MLM I love the actual set of rules. I only broke 3 & 4 which I thought was ok as there are 7 in total

So, I saw mr lovely saturday night again last night. We stayed in at his so it does not count as date 3. I'm pretty sure and hopeful there will be a date 3 on the cards very soon. We only stayed in as I was so late arriving so the pictures was off and it was raining. I am feeling all giddy & fuzzy warm. I know I shouldn't but can't help it. Aaargh. I hope i am right and he is one of the nice ones.

notsure - have you ever seen the film "He's Not That Into You" - one of the girls is on a date and is at the guy's house & she can't work out what vibe she is getting from the guy, so she goes into the loo & phones her friend to ask advice!!!! So we wouldn't have to be in your loo, but you could take your laptop / smartphone into the loo & post on here! not actually suggesting that you do that really though

Count me in for the spying & note taking. I will wear my columbo style mac and be vair discreet

Awh MrsKL, I'm really pleased for you boak it all sounds to be going so well

Now, this might sound hypocritical but I would count your 'thing' last night as date three. Because you have had dates one and two. When MLM asked the question, well, they are Just Friends, so in my eyes what they have isn't dating. If that makes sense.

Brilliant idea post we could all be on stand by

Yep, spying and note taking I can be available so long as "just friends" doesn't want to see me if you need s hand and are close by. Lol.

I am currently texting just friends.

High fives MrsKeithLemon re Mr Lovely!!!!

adams - that sounds horrible, it seems like perfect connect between you two but wring time

time - you are right, i dont want to postpone it, but not because i want to get to the knicker dropping, but like i said earlier we dont go out together alot so then that might seem odd to meet in public when normally we are at my house.

also had a think while cleaning and i think i need to make it clear what i want in a relationship and then tell him that i think we need to start 'dating each other' as thats how normal relationships start and if we want a fresh start it would be nice to start making an effort for each other.

before i never went to his house and just let him come to mine when dd was asleep, so i didnt make an effort to go to his house and as he wasnt taking me out didnt make an effort to get dressed up for going out, and didnt let him stay over as wouldnt use a night when dd was at my mums to chill indoors with him when i could go out. so i am going to tell him all this feeling empowered.

mrs keith - i'm glad its all going well so far, how lovely to feel giddy
thanks for the spying support

post - if i did that he might think i am in there doing a number 2

Love idea of notsure excusing herself every couple of mminutes to dash off to the lavatory to update us and ask for instructions. :) must have been something you ate! dodgy tum! (alluring!)

well, the knicker-dropping - obviously do what you feel the need to do, but I would be wary of declarations of improved intent followed by a shag. your hormones will be shot to bits for days afterwards, then if he doesn't abide by any agreement you will feel far, far worse. I liked what someone said upthread about treating it as a clean slate if it merits that, which means you would apply your usual 'rules' reagarding how soon you would shag someone after meeting them.

disclaimer* I mean this from the point of view of protecting your emotional context which might well volcano out of all proportion if hormones are involved. I'm not suggesting this as a game playing tactic (grown ups don't play emotional games) of witholding physical intimacy as a means of control. If he were apt to dump after a shag, he'll do that whenever the shag is am a cynical old sod

notsure make sure you have plenty of regrowth in the lady garden area before you meet him, preferable extending down the thighs, or is that just me? , don't shower and don't change your sheets or your underwear, that should guarantee no dropping of dirty knickers.

Also, great idea of suggesting you date. Start as you mean to go on. Don't let him dictate how things will go

snape - i agree, wait until there is a date and changes, but the dating rules of sleeping with someone on the first date is out the window i can tell you that right away

time - i will have to shower as i went to the gym and need to wash my hair, but NO SHAVING

wow i have to say I love this thread, i would have spent my whole day stressing without you guys and now i feel prepared for battle

Hoping to be more than friends, last time I saw him we done more than friends do iykwim? Maybe I should ask what he wants. And I won't deny what I want. Wonder if he didn't want to push me? He knows my history. Pah I don't know. At least he respects me. The other night was my doing.

Gym sweat is even better notsure, you won't even want to extend your arms to pass him a coffee never mind hug him

I'm sorry MLM but I can't see that he respects you at all. If he did then he would be more than Just Friends after having sex with you. If he respected you and didn't want to be more than Just Friends, he wouldn't have had sex with you, no matter how hard you pushed him.

I'm worried that you are going to get hurt here.

MLM, I think it would be a really good idea to find out what he is looking for. No point setting yourself up for disappointment, if he is just after a bit of casual "fun". Sounds like you have a great opportunity to find out tonight.

notsure - make sure that razor stays unused!!!!

I think we both just agreed on friends cos we are both a bit well scared. Friends don't just text kisses to each other, I don't know. I want to find out, but what if it hurts? He is a sweetheart. And on the upside at least he won't abuse me and bully me into things I don't want to do. He said he wasn't expecting it,it.