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Original poster

Time wasters need not apply, Soul Soothers come hither Dating Chat Part 11

999 replies

hatesponge · 10/04/2012 21:22

Ta-da! Think this is the first one I've started.

I am still feeling somewhat feisty. Told my team off at work for being too noisy Blush and was generally stroppy. Might have to go and start a row in AIBU or something!

So, dating, as you were etc Grin

Not forgetting of course that I have a second date at the weekend!

OP posts:
TimeForMeAndDD · 19/04/2012 11:10

How about "Beam me up Scottie!" Grin

Original poster
hatesponge · 19/04/2012 11:10

He just said hello and asked how I was. Albeit with a smiley face and 3 kisses.

I did say it was brief Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
hatesponge · 19/04/2012 11:11

Time I have just spat coffee over my keyboard Grin

OP posts:
MyLittleMiracle · 19/04/2012 11:11

notsure sometimes you have to swallow your pride. You both have feelings for each other. I was too scared to kiss Mr just friends before, but I did lots and loved it things happen as a result, good things, worst case you know where you stand. My friend told me this and it gave me the confidence to kiss him despite my stomach doing flips and downing a wkd or 2 if you have a chance to be truly happy, you should grab it with both hands, hang onto it, and give it the best chance you can, sometimes that means acceptance.

MyLittleMiracle · 19/04/2012 11:14

sponge just say I am really well thanks, you? Enjoyed our date, maybe we can meet up again soon?

Or in my case, I can't wait to see you again. It works for moi. Don't forget text etiquette. Xxx

watchoutforthatsnail · 19/04/2012 11:18

can you say you are good and then something witty or interesting that you have done. .. and if you havent, lie! and then close it off by asking how he is/ how something is that he said he was doing..

So - if it were me, id say

yeah, am great thanks, spend an unexpected afternoon dealing with dead rabbits... but other than that... :) how are you, how did the project go?

watchoutforthatsnail · 19/04/2012 11:19

and i would do no kisses, because im not 12. and am lazy.

PostBellumBugsy · 19/04/2012 11:20

milk - your fwb situation sounds howlingly painful. Unless you can detach and just enjoy the sex, it may not be worth the torture.

notsure - I second all the advice on having the chat. You've got nothing to lose really by laying on the line. Don't make empty threats though - you need him to show you he can treat you right - not just talk the talk!

Yay for Sponge - glad he got in touch. For what its worth, I wouldn't text back until this evening - but then I'd send quite a nice, chatty text.

TimeForMeAndDD · 19/04/2012 11:21

"Dear Scottie, if you read my thread on MN you will see that I am fucking furious that you did not text me within 20 seconds of you saying you would!! Other than that I am fine. So, I suggest we make arrangements to see each other again at our earliest convenience. Love Sponge xxx"

or

"Hi sexy! Wink Good to hear from you! I'm good thanks, hope you are too? X "

watchoutforthatsnail · 19/04/2012 11:28

oh time - i love that. lol ;)

notsurewhyohwhy · 19/04/2012 11:31

I like times second reply Grin

I really feel I need to be honest and tell him all of this. I think the reason why I'm reluctant is because of the following:
He never takes me out and treats me like a lady
He works a lot and is obsessed with it
He's not a gentleman

But dispute this I think I love him and when we are together things are good and I feel like he loves me

So in short I dont think he ticks all the me right boxes

Original poster
hatesponge · 19/04/2012 11:32

Time I may pass on your first suggestion if that's ok Grin.

Your suggestions are all great and make me sound much less desperate for a repeat performance than my own efforts I think I will go with a sort of hybrid of Watch's & Time's suggestions. The second one of yours Time I should add!

2 hour telephone meeting now. ah the joy of middle management Hmm

...will let you know later if/when I get a reply

OP posts:
TimeForMeAndDD · 19/04/2012 11:39

Grin ok sponge

notsure reading your recent post, I'm notsure (see what I did there??) why you would want to give this man another chance? He doesn't give you some of the basic things of a relationship. What qualities does he have? What is it that makes you love him? Could it be that you are hooked on the drama of an on/off up and down relationship? It's so easy to get addicted to the highs a crap relationship brings, it's that addiction that keeps us hanging in there and has us convinced we are in love.

watchoutforthatsnail · 19/04/2012 11:40

time - yes please, do let us know.

not sure - hmmm. again, you need to think about what you actually want from a relationship and TELL HIM. if he makes the changes, then great, fab. If you tell him and he ignores what you have said, or there is no comprimise, then you know you tried and its time to move on.

notsurewhyohwhy · 19/04/2012 11:59

Grin time - i am worried about exactly what you just said that i may be addicted to the dramas. my previously relationship with dd's dad was full of drama and highs and lows. The last time we were together I stayed with him even when there was problems to try to work through them and did not run at the first sign of trouble as i normally did and when we broke up i no longer felt the pull towards him as i had given it my best shot and it didnt work, so there was no longer a what if??

thats why a few weeks ago i felt like i had to give it a real go with this guy as i do have feelings for him and we keep coming back together. i think the main thing that makes me feel like i love him is when we are together i feel a certain way and i also feel like he feels that way and i like it. but for some reason we both back off like we dont want to be hurt. and i think thats due to all the games at the beginning.

i think the problem is explaining what i want from this relationship.

i feel like i want to stop the games and want to be feeling secure in the relationship and want to be able to love him and feel loved back. and also be treated well and valued really. i want us to go out together and do nice things and for us to be able to spend time together with our friends etc aswell. just like you would in a normal relationship.

PoppaRob · 19/04/2012 12:01

Oasis/PoF friend is still playing games. I've been dutifully sending a supportive text message every 2 or 3 days in response to her texts describing how much she hates her new job, how much her daughter is giving her the shits etc. A ukulele workshop group has started at a pub that's only half an hour away from me so I mentioned it to her, not asking if she wanted to come along but just saying it was starting next Tuesday. She usually takes anything from an hour to a couple of days to reply, but within 10 minutes she'd replied saying she was going to invite me to her place next Tuesday! Yeah right. So I simply replied with "They can't say we never tried"... no response to date.

watchoutforthatsnail · 19/04/2012 12:02

then you need to tell him that. exactly as yo have just said

Snapespeare · 19/04/2012 12:02

'He never takes me out and treats me like a lady
He works a lot and is obsessed with it
He's not a gentleman'

and three great things about him? is he kind? does he mop up something you've spilled when you have a hangover? does he look after you when you're unwell? does he text you because something he saw made him think of you?

I can deal with the on-off, I can see why you're prevaricating slightly - but what do you want him to do around these three specific areas? frankly unless he has a 12 cock made of gold and encrusted with diamonds (presuming that's your 'thing' Hmm) then it sounds like you have a relationship based on him shagging you when he isn't too busy with work.

the other side of that argumnet is no-one is perfect and you might wait a sod-of-a-long time for someone to turn up who does take you out and treat you like a lady, who is committed to you as much as he is committed to his work and who doesn't scratch his balls at the dinner table.

ask him if he loves you. does he want to be with you? can you see yourself together in five years time? ten? 30? If he can then the deal-breakers come out. less work, more cherishing.

notsurewhyohwhy · 19/04/2012 12:04

watch - how do you think that sounds though? I am not very good at emotional talking and feel like i might sound needy Confused

watchoutforthatsnail · 19/04/2012 12:05

and the award for the most sensible post of the day goes to snape.

Fantastic.

KirstyWirsty · 19/04/2012 12:05

Rob why bother .. I would forget her and move on .. she sounds like she would suck your soul from you ... you can do better!

TimeForMeAndDD · 19/04/2012 12:09

What worries me notsure is that he is not giving you what should come naturally. He should naturally treat you like a lady, he should naturaly want to take you out, but because he isn't a 'gentleman' he doesn't do these things. Whe you say he isn't a gentleman what do you mean? Do you mean he is a selfish arse who puts himself and his own needs first? But yet he gives you just enough to keep you hanging in there, thinking that basically you have a good relationship? The bottom line is that if this relationship doesn't make you feel good about yourself, within yourself, then it isn't a good relationship.

I would be asking him why he doesn't take me out and why he doesn't treat me like a lady. I would want to know if he had respect for me before I would want to know if he loves me. Love would come easier from a man who respected you.

PostBellumBugsy · 19/04/2012 12:10

notsure, there is a huge difference between being needy and being treated right!!!!!!

If he has already got away with not treating your right, it may be a bit of an uphill battle for him to move you from the "nice'n'easy" category to "I've hit gold" category in his head. Only you can decide if you think he'll switch gears for you.

TimeForMeAndDD · 19/04/2012 12:12

Actually watch I think you will find my post to sponge with a text for Scottie was the most sensible of the day Grin

Notsure when you are with him how do you feel? Do you feel on a high, relaxed, do you feel able to talk to him about anything, do you feel you can be yourself around him?

TimeForMeAndDD · 19/04/2012 12:14

Based on my own experience I would be highly reluctant to get involved with any man I had to work on.

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