Why don't my parents help us when we are on the brink of losing everything, but give my sister obscene amounts of money?

[Changeforthebad]

Dh lost his job. He is struggling to find a new one. We have a 6 year old and a 4 month old.

We are living off my maternity allowance.it ends in July.

My parents are millionaires, but divorced. They have offered us nothing.not practically or emotionally.

My sister has just asked for £150k to embark on her 3rd career choice (they paid for the other courses too)

They will give it to her

I'm finding it hard to get out of bed. Our baby is on her last nappy pack. I dont know what will happen after this.

There has been so many times these past 8 years when she has gotten huge amounts of money. I always just let it slide for the sake of peace. Even when they stood back the first time round when we both lost our jobs. Even when I got evicted.

But now feels the final straw. We are our our knees a left to struggle.

I know I am greedy and nasty

But I feel despair

I feel like I want to cut my family out of my life. I take it anymore. They are standing back letting their grandchildren suffer. My sister gets a life changing amount of money.

I feel so low.

Have you asked directly? What sort of relationship do you have with them?

On a practical note - can you return to work sooner?

Have you asked them for help?

have you asked your parents.

You need to go and tell them how tough things are, and ask them to help you financially, for the sake of your children.

Yes, I just get told "everything will work out"

I was self employed and my business was failing. I would rather keep the guaranteed maternity allowance until it runs out because I will forfeits it if I work.

So why won't they assist you?

That's awful :( Is there any reason you can think of? Have you fallen out with them? Do they disapprove of your dh or lifestyle?? I would sit down and rationally discuss it - if you are on speaking terms. I think I'd be a bit naffed off too..

Have you specifically told them how low your income is?

If you want them to help you, you need to spell it out.

Sadly, though. They don't have to do it.

You sound like u need 2 ASK 4 help rather than they offer, as they may think ur ok, when ur not. My mum always says, ask 4 help from her, that I shouldn't wait, but I don't ask, and then wonder why she didn't help.
ASK, ASK, ASK!!!!

Maybe they like her better.

Maybe she is better at asking for stuff (when they are in the right mood, phrasing it in the right way, generally better at manipulating them).

Maybe they don't know how much you need it.

Maybe for some reason they think that she deserves it more.

Honestly - they probably think you're self sufficient etc.

Tell them you are living on £500 a month, you are desperate and need the money. That your baby is on the last pack of nappies.

Oh love I am sorry .

But I am afraid it is just the way people are.

My mum has two living younger brothers. One of them is a golden boy. When the third brother died, my grandad altered his will and was going to leave everything to golden boy - luckily he intervened and put a stop to it and said you must split it three ways. But my grandad has left him all his shares (very recently died) and everything else in his home. He even offered a few months back to buy my uncle a house outright (he is going through a divorce atm - not his doing and he came away with nothing).

Do they know how much you are struggling?

Yes. You say your sister asked.

Perhaps that is the difference.

she asked and they helped, and you asked and they said no if very different from her asking and them helping and you not asking and expecting/hoping/waiting for them to offer.

You aren't nasty, you aren't greedy. But, sadly, you do have to accept that it's their money and if they want to keep it all, give it all to her or shove it up their arses and set fire to it - that's up to them. You don't get a say in what someone does with their money.

Of course, they are your parents and it hurts to think that your parents don't WANT to help you. I don't personally understand people who don't WANT to help people, if they can.

But I understand that they don't have to. And if that's their choice - you just have to deal with it.

You do not, however, have to have them in your life. You can make that choice.

I don't know

This is what hurts.

I except we are adukts, we are responsible . We want nothing more than to be fully self sufficient.I hate this this.

But they why is my sister the exception?

oh, x post. Have you actually said "mum / dad, we are not able to keep the roof. Things are not going to work out. May we please borrow/have some money" and they respond with "it will work out"

or do you tell them your financial troubles, and they respond with "it will work out"

Do they know you are asking for money rather than confiding your situation?

And yes, again, it would be nice of them to offer.

But people don't, always.

'We want nothing more than to be fully self sufficient'

you will be giving off these vibes, then. i bet your sister talks about her finances all the time?

As others have said, I think you need to ask them directly. Is it possible that you have always been/seemed self sufficient so they don't want to offer in case you get offended?

Do they always favour your sis or is it just that she asks them directly? If you have a good relationship with her, can you get her to back you up and both tell your parents you are in dire straits? Hope you find a solution x

We have told them explicitly.

It's always been this way. I remember even as a teenager asking if I could have pocket money like my friends did as I wasn't able join in with the social activities, and I had to write a letter explaining why and had to sign a contract. Finally its agreed I get £5 a week. Guess who got £10 a week...

I agree. Just ask them outright.

Do you have a troubled relationship with them? Is there any reason why they won't help you?

Good luck.

Ok, we will ask them directly again.

I think dh will do it as he knows I'm finding it all a bit too much.

What is your relationship like with your sister? Can you ask her for some money, if you explain how desperate you are, would she care?

I think if you are willing to forfeit your relatiomship with them anyway you should first speak to your sister and explain whats going on and perhaps she will suggest helping you speak to them?,then you and dh speaking to them initially on a very practical level then on an emotional level being very clear they are your last chance of help and you really need the help.

Should they refuse then have a rant about the unjust way you and your sister have been treated so differently.

If they have no intention of helping you anyway by that stage you have nothing to lose.

Fingers crossed things will work out for you x

I'm sorry they won't help. It is crap and sounds dysfunctional. Are they nice to you or only nice to your sister? If they are mean to you, I would walk away as I wouldn't want that passed on to my kids. Do they also have a favourite grandchild?

My sister doesnt have any money so I can't ask her. She just relies on my parents as far a know.

I don't want to forfeit the realtionship, as I love my parents, but I'm questioning how much they care for me.

This is the third time they have stood back and watched me struggle.

My sister has no children, so,hopefully they love their only 2 grandchildren (my children) equally.