Why don't my parents help us when we are on the brink of losing everything, but give my sister obscene amounts of money?

[Changeforthebad]

Dh lost his job. He is struggling to find a new one. We have a 6 year old and a 4 month old.

We are living off my maternity allowance.it ends in July.

My parents are millionaires, but divorced. They have offered us nothing.not practically or emotionally.

My sister has just asked for £150k to embark on her 3rd career choice (they paid for the other courses too)

They will give it to her

I'm finding it hard to get out of bed. Our baby is on her last nappy pack. I dont know what will happen after this.

There has been so many times these past 8 years when she has gotten huge amounts of money. I always just let it slide for the sake of peace. Even when they stood back the first time round when we both lost our jobs. Even when I got evicted.

But now feels the final straw. We are our our knees a left to struggle.

I know I am greedy and nasty

But I feel despair

I feel like I want to cut my family out of my life. I take it anymore. They are standing back letting their grandchildren suffer. My sister gets a life changing amount of money.

I feel so low.

Can you ask your sister to come with you while you talk to them? Perhaps if they know she is on your side they might be more willing to help.

I highly doubt my sister will care tbh, she is very much "I'm alright jack" type of a person

Even when I told her dh lost his job, she shrugged and started talking about her new opportunity coming up

Do they like your DH? Just I know cases where parents have not handed money down because they haven't liked/trusted their child's partner.

Think you should speak to them not your DH.

Yeah, I think they do I can't see why they wouldn't as he as a wonderful dh and df

They have always given my sister more money, even before I met dh

Guess they just like my sister more. A lot more.

I will speak to them, maybe not today as I'm too low

I doubt it's dh, I actually think its just me they don't care for enough as its always been like this since my teen years

Sounds like you have asked for help and had it refused. Have you asked why they give money to your sister and not you? If so what did they say? Maybe they haven't totted it up - if they are so rich maybe they didn't really register the amount and haven't seen it through your eyes?

OP I feel so sad for you, how fucking awful to be rejected in this way. :(

I really hope you can find a way out of your difficulties.

hi

I had this with my family.
I think it was because they didnt like the idea of helping me out because I was on my own in a council flat with a couple of kids. I was desperate. they wouldnt even look after the kids for a few hours.

They paid my sister's deposit on her house.

I think they felt more comfortable helping with 'nice' things. They wanted to pretend crap wasnt happening to me, it was too unpleasant so they ignored it.

I have sort of pushed it away because its so painful.

I am sorry it is happening to you too. I hope that you find a way though it.

I think you have to spell it out to them that you are screwed unless they help one way or another.

I always get the "if only you lived closer" bollocks from mine, it smarts.
They also give my DB money but wouldn't enter her head that we might need help, I quite like it though because it means I won't be obliged when the time comes for grandma sized arses to need wiping.

Hi OP. When you say you can hardly get out of bed, it makes me wonder if you may also have depression which can't be helping. You should talk to your GP.

If this is the third time you have been on your financial uppers, bear in mind that you pulled through the last two times without any help from your parents, and will do so again. The benefits system OUGHT to ensure that you do not lose your house/ go without food/ nappies. Are you going back to work at the end of your ML if your DH is still out of work? Will that make things easier financially? I think you need to plan your own way out of trouble if you can, and then any money from your parents will be a welcome surprise.

It is almost always a mistake to compare yourself to others (eg your sister) even though it is natural. As an earlier poster said, you have no right to your parents' money, although it is very very sad if they could help and choose not to for no reason. Perhaps the money they are giving your sister is in fact a loan or investment in her new venture, and not a hand out?

what kind of career requires 150k at the start

OP I know this isn't what you're posting about, but have you applied for council tax benefit, and housing benefit if you rent? I realise it won't solve the problem in the long term, but it could buy you a few more nappies a week.

What is your sister actually going to do with the £150K?

Oh poor you.

I would ask directly, although it sounds like you already have, and if they say no i would have it out with them.

List all the times they have treated you differently to your sister and ask for reasons.

If they can't give you any i would back right off from them. This isn't about you being entitled to their money but how its going to rip into your heart to see your sister being treated differently to you.

My brother got given money by my mum. My mum who was poor and could never give me anything. My brother didn't have to pay rent, i did. I practically got pushed out the door to a job when i was quite young. Completely different treatment to my brother. The difference? I am capable whereas my brother can hardly hold down a job.

I've seen it in my husbands family as well. He is treated very differently to his sister and she doesn't even appreciate what they do for her.

Its common but a very cruel thing to do.

He have a mortgage so can't get hb but apparently the government pays our interest on mortage after 13 weeks or so?

Child tax, well for some reason we owe them £3000 due to overpayment so we have to pay that back first

Jsa/ council tax we are waiting to hear the decision on

It still won't meet our essential living costs though.

ohdoadmit your post struck a chord with me. Did they seem to withdraw from you in other ways when your life was in a bad place? My mother in particular only seems to want to know me when things are going well, and disappears when shit hits the fan

What is the £150k for?

If i was in your situation I would actually ask them why they treat your sister different financially.

Then when they say excuses you can challenge them

Yes the gov will pay interest after 13 weeks.

TC peeps cannot allow you to struggle like this, even if you've been over paid. Phone them back and ask them to lower your repayments. They can't take you below the poverty line because of over payments,

whats the age difference? are they still treating her like a child ... sounds awful what youre going through i hope some good fortune comes your way very soon

I think you need to tell them how much it hurts you.

don't make it about the cash, make it about what the cash represents. That you feel they aren't there for you, and that they care more for your sister than you, and that that hurts you, and that it isn't about the money so much as about love. That they can see you struggle when you and they know they would never sit back and watch your sister struggle.

Sorry to be the voice of dissent here but I really hope my children will not be asking me for money when they are grown adults who have been I hope taught to be self-sufficient. You realise most people couldn't ask their parents for money because their parents wouldn't have it don't you? The fact that they're millionaires is immaterial - it's their money to do as they choose with when they are living.

Some other random thoughts: If this is the third time you're on your knees, is it because you and DH are bad money managers? It seems there's a pattern and there must be a reason for that. Is there something that can be addressed there?

Yes I agree that your parents are showing favouritism towards your sister and you would be absolutely right to tackle the fundamental issues there, ie why are they treating her so differently? But the money is best mentioned as a side issue if you do that.

But I still think that as grown adults who have presumably had lots paid for already, neither of you should be looking for money from your parents at all, that's just my opinion. Personally for me, that would an absolute last last resort, after selling my body and the whole lot ok maybe a slight exaggeration there but you get the idea.