Why don't my parents help us when we are on the brink of losing everything, but give my sister obscene amounts of money?

[Changeforthebad]

Dh lost his job. He is struggling to find a new one. We have a 6 year old and a 4 month old.

We are living off my maternity allowance.it ends in July.

My parents are millionaires, but divorced. They have offered us nothing.not practically or emotionally.

My sister has just asked for £150k to embark on her 3rd career choice (they paid for the other courses too)

They will give it to her

I'm finding it hard to get out of bed. Our baby is on her last nappy pack. I dont know what will happen after this.

There has been so many times these past 8 years when she has gotten huge amounts of money. I always just let it slide for the sake of peace. Even when they stood back the first time round when we both lost our jobs. Even when I got evicted.

But now feels the final straw. We are our our knees a left to struggle.

I know I am greedy and nasty

But I feel despair

I feel like I want to cut my family out of my life. I take it anymore. They are standing back letting their grandchildren suffer. My sister gets a life changing amount of money.

I feel so low.

I just can't imagine sitting on piles of cash when DD is about to lose her home. Is it sexism, do you think? A belief that since you have a man, it's they our DH's problem, not yours?

It is completely possible for parents to favour one child and shit on another for no reason other than their own fucked-up issues (the parents').

Not everyone is capable of fairness and empathy towards their children, or towards all their children equally. It's the reason why the Stately Homes threads exist on here.

Change - all love and sympathy. And three cheers to your DH for taking the DIY work at slave rates. A few thoughts:

1. I hope DH introduces cockroaches/bedbugs/fleas/big angry snake to your DFs home.
2. Present DF with an invoice for the work so he can't deny how awful he has been.
3. Accept, accept, accept your parents. This is a huge emotional DIY job, more akin to major renovation than new lamps and cushions. Much less fun, until
4. You realise it's worth it - thing is, despite your fears and turmoil, children of bad parents really don't lose much disconnecting from them.

At the risk of stating the bleeding obvious, all you're getting from the parents is pain, and you can live better without that. We fear making these decisions because fear of family loss is normal, and for most people healthy sane fear, but your family aren't normal and there's the difference.

Most people would suffer from losing family relationships with next of kin - some people don't. You won't immediately feel happier and better, and there may not be that many obvious advantages, but in the long term you will feel better.

There doesn't need to be any great drama - just don't get in touch. Send birthday cards, etc., and meet if they're paying or it's convenient, but otherwise make your answerphone earn its keep. Importantly, stay in touch with other family on your side if you have them, including your DSis, as much as you want to.

Your parents may try to guilt you - answerphone. Your parents may ask for things - answerphone.

Will your parents see the error of their ways and try to help you? You know the answer already, don't you. Ring the benefits office.

I can't imagine ever treating my DDs in this unequal way. Their callous treatment of you and your children is vile. I do agree with others who have said that if, after explaining fully your financial problems and your unhappiness with the different way your sister has been provided for, they don't help you (as any normal family with the cash would) then there is nothing more to say to them. It would save a lot of pain and disappointment in the future.
As for asking your husband to take a cut price rate for his work when your Father knows how much you are in need, that beggars belief.

I've messaged you, achange.

Another voice in support of you and your family Change (that's your family as in DH and the DDs, not your birth family). Your dad sounds like a complete prick and puts me in mind of someone in my family who tried to control us all with his money. He was joyless, utterly selfish and uninterested in us all as people - his only concern was being master of puppets.

He died a lonely death after everyone was driven to cut him off. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

Not saying this is the only answer for you - only you can know that - but I do think that disengaging with them will help you and yours to get stronger again and pull yourselves up as you have in the past. All this situation is doing atm is dragging you down, eating up the energy that you need to conserve for rebuilding your lives. Let it go, because I seriously doubt you will ever get satisfaction from them on any score.

Interesting that your sister sounds so much like your dad, telling him not to bother her with his problems and being listened to. Sounds like you have been designated the whipping boy of the family and she's the one they respect, because she acts like them. If this is the case, you're onto a definite loser here because they will never change those allotted roles.

You're worth more than them :) Good luck making your bright new future.

A job abroad sounds very exciting, and it's not as if you have any ties here to hold you. Sorry if that sounds callous, but often geographical distance helps enormously when putting emotional distance from people. You are then removed from your designated role of whipping boy.

Or you always tell them you've moved abroad, cover a wall in one of these and get them to Skype at 2am