Just had the biggest fight with DH... he hit me, I hit him...

[namechangeforthis100]

I've spent the whole of yesterday at the hospital... quite a long time after a miscarriage it turns out (joy) I've got an infection. I'm in agony. I feel shit. All my friends are pregnant.. I'm just having a very shit time.

I decided to get stuff organised.. sort of nights out etc to keep us busy and tonight we went out with about 10 of our best friends for a meal (a lot are shift workers from our hey day hence the tuesday random night)...

I have been in quite a lot of pain and on painkillers... but was without and just slowly drinking wine this evening.. The night went great and we all agreed to meet again next week.

We got in the car (DH driving) and she started to go MAD. Apparently during a conversation I had dictated when he could go out and come back (with an old friend) and I hadn't! I know the conversation he's talking about. They were taking the piss saying I would and I was laughing... but I didn't say a word. And all the home he called me vile, drunk, a bitch etc.. (with our daughter in the back of the car who we just picked up from a sitter to bring home.)

We got in, put DD to bed and it escalated. He screamed at me, I proclaimed innocence, He pushed me, I tried to kick him. We ended up having a full out physical fight.

He left. I wrenched the keys out his hand and he stepped out the door.

I locked it.
Jesus christ.

What do I do now?? I'm already in pain. (now more. Have a perfect hand bruise on my chest.)

get on with it then lol

Don't think that's possible ike1.

Even the views I disagree with wholeheartedly obviously come from dearly bought experience and though I don't WANT OP's relationship to turn out like that, we can't say it won't.

Ike, do you think that puting lol, at the end of our posts makes them less offensive?

Nope Dashing your probs right the lady is NOT for turning!

i think that maybe people give statistics and talk about generic DV rather than judging solely on the OP, is because sometimes the people right in the middle of a situation, are too close.

Also, the typical patterns of behaviour are useful to know, because this thread will be here in the future if the OP comes back - it tells her what to look out for, if other things happen that she is concerned about.

Thought you were ignoring me battleship-you ARE for turning I see. Good maybe you will let others have their say without trying to undermine them from now on.

He sounds like a classic abuser. Sadly they follow a script, it's almost as if they all go to the same abuser school. We can't pretend that isn't true yousank, just because you don't like reading about it.

Good point Ike. I will go back to ignoring your posts because they add nothing.

perhaps, yousank, you could credit the OP with the intelligence to decide for herself which contributions are helpful

I am struggling to understand how anyone can object to reminders that what happened was violence and that legal remedy is open to the victim though. Where is the harm in that?

It will be wonderful if we're all wrong and the OP and her husband manage to sort things out and he is never violent, threatening, abusive or bullying again. Absolutely wonderful.

But if that isn't what happens, and statistically and from a behavioural point of view, it is very unlikely, what's been said on this thread about patterns of violent abuse and what victims can do about it will be very important to the OP.

Thats just fine by me lovely battleship..hopefully others will receive the same treatment and be allowed to have their say in peace.

Everlong I am assuming you addressing someone else cos I would never say that to another poster mainly because I believe either in free speech or humorous chat.

Phew!

Thanks very much to everyone defending my decision and to those giving advice. DH is clearly going through something that has been hurting him, and which culminated in a horrible, awful decision on his part.

As many have said, I can't be 100% sure he'll never do it again, but the important thing is that I don't think for a second that he ever will.

This hasn't been brushed under the rug, this has been huge. It's not something we're just going to let be forgotten, but equally, if I keep going on about it and trying to punish him for it then how can we ever move on?

He has been a fantastic husband and father.
Tonight he was a fantastic husband and father. I'm sure he will be tomorrow....

I have been absolutely devastated by this but I am absolutely going to move on from it and won't be calling the police. (just to clarify ;)) but I do appreciate that everyone is drawing on experiences they have had and are trying to help me. (truly... Coming on here has helped me so much, so thank you everybody)

Do what you feel is right for you and your family OP.
Mostly, people deserve a second chance and it is for you to decide if your husband deserves one (from what you have written I would do the same as you).
But no matter how bad the squabbling has been on here, should you ever need to come back I hope you feel that you would be able to.

Best wishes to you and your family, I hope all will be resolved for the better.

All the best to you my love.Do what ever feels right for you and yours. Mx.

OP, I apologise ofr my part in the bickering. I genuinely wish you all the best and think you sound like a really strong and generous person. I hope your husband takes the help he needs. Let's hope this is the start of a much more postive time for your little family.

When someone has said they don't want to take a poster's advice then it would be good manners to leave it and not repost over and over again.

What OP has decided to do is her choice and should be supported, my little bit of advice would be to say that is fine as long as you have it clear in your mind what will happen if he was to ever do it again.

Good luck and I hope you all can go back to feeling safe and happy.

Wishing you all the best OP.

Remember, we are here if you need us, in all our stroppy, argumentative glory .

Despite differences of opinion, we all do want things to work out well for you x

Hi namechange. You have to do what you feel best at the time.

You are still in shock and your world has shifted and it won't ever go back to its previous place , so just be aware of that. Also, should things not go according to plan in your relationship please don't think that any of us on the other side of the debate would ever throw that back at you. You will always get support here.

Good luck OP.

Yes, what Abigail said. Don't ever be afraid to come back, if things don't pan out, as you hope. People will always be here to help you.