"How is the op going to feel reading that if she decides to make a go of it?"
There's the thing...
SHE is not the one that is deciding to make a go of it.... It's not down to her. In face NONE of this situation has the slightest thing to do with her. Never did.
HE is the one that did this and only HE can decide if he hits her again/intimidates/threatens her again. HE chose to hit her. HE chose to blame her. HE DID.
She did nothing wrong.
She is merely making a decision to potentially allow it to happen again... (which it will, in some way shape or form) to put up with it, modify, behave, walk on eggshells and hope to god that no-one says anything to offend him, or she knows or fears that SHE'LL cop it.
Or ... NOT. She could choose to put her foot down and tell him to go sort himself out.
The men that do this are not normal men. They are alike one another, but they are not like non-violent men. You can't negotiate with them, they have an entitlement to do what they do.
This is why animals that kill humans are put down. Once they have had the taste, they find it easier to do it again.
Being abused doesn't make anyone an expert in DV, no. Course it doesn't.
However.... abusers generally follow a script,
Victims of abuse have to :
move heaven and earth to get themselves out,
get themselves well (this stuff doesn't go away by itself),
do the courses,
do the therapy,
attend the groups,
read the books,
help and support one another at times
In short live and breathe the fallout of living life with someone who will beat, humiliate and intimidate the woman he is supposed to love just 'because'..
No that doesn't make anyone an expert. it does however become painfully and immediately apparent that their experiences are deep, and of extreme relevance and significance to ANYONE that has suffered with a violent situation at the heart of their relationship. If you have not been involved or exposed to violence, you really don't have a hope of understanding that there literally is NO point at all in trying to make the best of this. There IS no longer a best to be made....
UNLESS he is utterly remorseful, takes FULL and immediate responsibility, seeks his OWN help, attends his OWN counselling, moves heaven and earth to BREAK the unacceptable behaviour cycle he has allowed himself to create. Generally, the kind of men that hit their spouses ONLY do this WHEN their entire support network shuns them for their abuse of their wife/partner. Unless everything is taken from them as a result of their violence, generally they come up with excuses as to why it happened and that is that.
If not? He's a write off. It is THAT black and white. Only HE can save HIMSELF...